Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Christmas week

Merry Christmas week~! Tis the season to be jolly, fa la la la laa lala la la..... Such a busy weekend coming up but SUCH a sloooow work week!  So slow, the days sure are dragging.  But it's nice to look out my office window to see all the snow on the gound in P&G park, it really is beginning to look a lot like Christmas. My coworker burned me a copy of Love Actually and Elf soundtracks so i have been  enjoying those while i slowly move the through the day.

To here is whats on the docket for CHRISTMAS WEEK!
Wednesday: Work all day and then dinner with my cold roommates at F's house in Covington. And then maybe open one gift with matt before Christmas
Thursday: Work most of the day, pack and get read to head to Cleveland when matt gets off work. Then DRIVE to Cleveland
Friday: CHRISTMAS EVE relax with my family, help my mom out, hopefully see my best friend C for a little bit, and then in the evening my mom's family comes over for dinner/
Saturday: CHRISTMAS DAY!! Relax and spending the entire day with my family, playing games, opening presents, eating, who knows... i cant wait!
Sunday: Brunch with family friends and then the entire dad's side of the family will go to his cousin denny's house for the first Christmas gather without our grandparents. Maybe this is a new tradition, i am looking forward to it.
Monday-- i think we will drive home after brunch, but we may stay till tuesday-- we haven't decided yet. AND i may need to be back at work for an interview on Tuesday but i am not sure. Hopefully i dont have to be back til Wednesday.

Lots of stuff going on... lots of eating!! Hopefully i dont gain too much wieght with all the delicious food awaiting!!

Merry Christmas WEEK!!!!

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

The Reason for the Season

I have been getting rather scrooge-like over the past couple of days and i need to snap out of it. I am just frustrating by my lack of ability to get things done and depending on others to get it done. Like a certain few gifts i just cant do by myself... and need specifically matt's help.  I need to not get mad at him because i honestly think... he just doesnt get it!  But i wish he did because i just want to check things off my list as CHRISTMAS IS LESS THAN 2 WEEKS AWAY! So in the spirit of loving the season, I decided to write a list of why i love the season:

1) I love the anticipation of seeing a reaction after giving a gift
2) I like writing christmas cards
3) I love receiving christmas cards way more
4) I love relaxing by the light of the Christmas tree
5) I cannot get enough of Charlie Brown Christmas, Dr. Suess' Grinch, Elf, or the Muppet Christmas Carol, o so many others!
6). The anticipation leading up to Christmas
7)Saying Merry Christmas to strangers
8)SNOW during Christmas season
9)holiday cookies, dinners, food, food, and more food.
10). Holiday parties
11) Time off work
12) Christmas music on in the background every where i go!

I cannot forget the meaning of the season, even when i do feel a little bit stressed. Happy 10 days before christmas!!

And now i leave you with a couple of my holiday favorites:




Monday, December 13, 2010

A Snowy Christmas time Sunday

Yesterday was a quintessential holiday Sunday! I woke up, it was cold with snow covering the street and the large tree out my window. It was beautiful. I had plans to meet my sister in law for High Tea at the BonBonerie (YUM!). It was part of her Christmas present for me and it was great to spend some quality time with her and talk. I am so lucky to have such a wonderful family around me, we had a great time.  I came home and hung out with matt as the snow fell, we went to the grocery together and invited E and C over for pizza. It was reeally snowy as the day went on... It felt just like christmas! My house ACTUALLY felt clean,  i had a delicious lunch, a great dinner, and ended the night watching a movie with them by the Christmas tree light as the snow fell outside.

It really is beginning to feel a lot like Christmas!

JUST have to finish up shopping and wraaap presents!

Merry 12 Days of Christmas!

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

And thus the beginning of December

Helloooooooooo December. My most favorite time of the year!  My christmas tree is up and decorated with bubblers and old style lights, my garland is up with lights and ornaments, and every place in my house i have touched with Christmas. Except for the fact that i feel like my house is so disorganized right now. Whenever we leave to go anywhere-- for just a COUPLE OF DAYS, -- it takes us forever to get back on track. and Matt does practically nothing unless asked. He doesnt mind tripping over his suite case for weeks after a trip. IT DRIVES ME NUTS!!

I am feeling a bit cynical this morning, i am not sure why. Perhaps its because i am SO sick of waking up so hot and stuffy at night. Or that i haven't slept well. Or that sometimes when i dwell on it i want my husband to be more motivated.  Or maybe it's a combination of other events happening concurrently right now.  i am not sure.  I am stressed out about finishing my Christmas shopping, and never feeling like i have any time!  I dont have time or the energy to work out lately, i know this is not productive.

I am hoping once i get my, you know what, i will have a new sense of calm. But until then....
Perhaps a small recap of life since November.

First, i went to NYC this past weekend to visit my sister. My parents were supposed to go as a mini family vacation but they got SUPER sick the week prior and cancelled their flights. We still had a good time though: we walked through central park, the Christmas market at Columbus Circle, window shopped on 5th Avenue, saw the Rockefeller Christmas tree, met up with matt's old roomate for drinks, toured the UN,  ate incredible meals, drank margueritas at 2 in the afternoon, visited the Guggenheim, and did some sleeping in. It was packed but also a fairly relaxing weekend.

This past Monday Matt and I met with with E and C for drinks after E's important doctors visit. It was unplanned but so fun to meet up with them.  We ended up going to PF Changs for dinner after dinner at the dive Pilot Inn. I never go there, E picked and it was kind of a treat for me. Well C decides it might be a good idea to order champagne, and thus we have a new Champagne Monday! How random.  We tend to eat 'french style' with those two, 4+ hour dinners with lots of drink and food.  It was a great start to the week, to start the week off with tons and tons of laughing. It makes me feel thankful at this time of the year to have such wonderful people in my life.

Tomorrow is my office Christmas party so i am looking forward to get out of work early. I need to get boat loads of stuff done and make a stop in at Fidelity (scary!). I need to make an ach transfer to pay for my very first new car. I am not talking much about it, i dont want the attention.  I haven't mentioned it to anyone really besides my immediate family because i feel a little hypersensitive about the whole thing. Thus this the end of that topic.

Things are starting to really slow down at work at this time of the year. I am getting complacent and i dont like that feeling. Starting next week i know fewer and fewer people will be in the office.  I have another Finance holiday party next week, as well as a free breakfast for everyone in office building. Ill take the good with the bad on this one.

I have not much more to write, and i dont want to be too synical on a wednesday.  Merry Christmas season to all. And happy Hanukkah to other:)

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

The day before Thanksgiving post

 It's the Wednesday before thanksgiving-- or as some say, tanksgiving-- and i am sitting here at work thinking about how i will write my giving thanks post (that i have written i think every year since i started this blog). And no, it's not that i don't have a lot of be thankful for this year but more like where do i start?

One of the first thing that came to mind was how this year i feel like i just did NO giving back. I mean i didn't do any kind of service project,  or anything that i think really made a difference. I hope next year will be different, or at least maybe i can find something work recognizing.  That should be on my year in review and another new years resolution.

This year, like in years past, Matt and I have decided to spend the actual holiday with his family and take friday off to drive up to see mine. I really did struggle with it this year since i thought maybe id want to be around my family to celebrate my grandma's life.  But in a way, i am giving thanks for the wonderful years i got to have with her instead of recognizing that we have lost her. 
SO!
Lets start somewhere:
(in no particular order)

1) Of course my wonderful husband

2) My in-laws
3)The great friends i have been able to get even closer with this year (specifically C, E, J, C, L, and G)....  You have made a difference in my life this year.
4) Becoming a Godparent, what a privilege.

5) My health
6) The health of those closest to me
7) Financial stability-- which i am ever more appreciating
8) My beautiful Odie

9) Being able to find happiness.


So here's so another great thanksgiving holiday! And I CANT WAIT to start decorating for Christmas!!

Monday, November 15, 2010

Im back from EUROPE. And lots of thoughts...

I AM BACK from Switzerland, France, Germany and the Netherlands. The Rhine River cruise was amazing and SO restful. In fact, i am pretty sure i havent rested that much since before college. Stops along the way where:
Basel (Switzerland) (for 2 days)
Strausburg (france)
Hiedelburg (Germany)
Kobleze
Rudisheim
Cologne (I LOVED)
Kinderjidk (Netherlands)
Amsterdam.
It was FANTASTIC. I loved Cologne, i loved seeing the enormous Catherdral! And on that day it just so happened to be 11/11, and at 11:11am on 11/11 is Carnivaal.--- the GIGANTIC party with  hundreds of thousands of Germans dressed up in all sorts of crazy outfits drinking and partying in the streets. It was nuts! But so fun to be a part of!

I also loved walking the European streets, and touring castles-- especially the Marksburg Castle-- the only castle in the middle Rhine to never be attacked. It was fascinating!  I loved eating and drinking all the German food and wine, and relaxing on the rhine river watching the cute towns pass by... and seeing lots of castles on the rolling hills as i sit and enjoy a glass of wine.  I loved taking an afternoon with matt and shopping in the lit up of streets in the shopping district in Cologne! It was cold and rainy and getting dark as we dodged in and out of stores havinh a fabulous time!  It was a wonderful memory!  We drank a lot of wine and took lots of afternoon naps, and ate wonderfully cooked meals. It was a great trip! I will post pictures soon!

Lots of things have been on my mind lately. One of which of the major topics is the idea of children. Spending 9 days with my in laws puts a lot of baby impressions all over your brain. Especially since they talk a lot about my nephews. Matt and I have spent a lot of time thinking about the topic, and it's hard to decide when will i be ready? Because some days i think i want to start the family right away, but other times i cant think far enough in the future. I worry about how mature i am, i worry about not being able to relate to a lot of my friends since very few have kids, i worry about my friends falling completely out of my life because of the lack of time i will have available with family.  But then the part of me that wants kids always prevails because i probably know by now who the real friends in my life are, and my family is so unbelievably supportive of us, and i have the most perfect relationship with my sister-in-law that a another niece or nephew would only bring us even closer. It's crazy to be thinking about these things in my life, because just a couple years ago these ideas couldn't have seemed more distant. But it's exciting, and the idea brings a smile to my face.

And speaking of family, there has been a lot of new development on the home front this year in 2010. Not only changing traditions with the loss of my grandma, but a new dad because he sold his company last month.  The company he has put his whole life, marriage, children, and financial stability on the line to make a success for hte last 15 or so years.  It's sold and my dad did make it a success--- i couldn't be more proud of him.  He truly resembles what it means to be an American, to work hard to make a living for yourself out of nothing. And truly it was nothing-- a man who came from a small, fairly poor, family who paid his whole way to make it tthrough college and grad school while working 40+ hours a week. To get a job, start your own company, pourr your heart and soul into it, risking absolutely everything, to make it work.  And it did. Even though many, many sacrifices were made. It makes my sister and i weepy sometimes, and want to tell him how happy we are to have our dad back, and to have been rewarded for his huge accomplishment.  I tear up when i think of how proud i am because he deserve every ounce of success. And my mom, too, who really has made the most sacrifices when my dad was never around working the ungodly hours and never sleeping... for 15 years.

But with great reward there also comes some resentment and entitlement from others.  And this is the feeling that makes me the most disgusted and angry. I cant help but want to yell and scream when i hear some stories, BECAUSE IF THEY ONLY KNEW!!! I dont think anyone knows what sacrifices were made for it, and it angers me to the point is makes my blood boil. I dont want a dime of my dad's success, and i dont want greedy-self righteous- ignorant others have a say in anything.  In fact, i cant think of anything else in the world that could make me more upset.... IF THEY ONLY FUCKING KNEW!!!!!!
I write this now because i hope it's the last time i will feel this way. I dont want another story to hear about, i dont want to even think about it or i will live in the anger. But it's on my mind and I want to live the way my dad lives his life-- with an optimistic and positive outlook on life. And good does and will prevail.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Halloween weekend recap

Happy first day of November! I cant believe Halloween has already come and gone. What a busy- but super fun- weekend it was. I was so busy all last week/weekend that Monday is soo unbelievably tiring.

Last weekend we carved pumpkins with some good friends.

Even went out for sushi and 4 hour dinner with Seabass and had a great time.

Drove to Cleveland and spent a wonderful celebratory weekend with my family.

And i saw my best friend and her boyfriend Saturday day afternoon.

Even went to a halloween party at P and E's and had a great time with everyone. We ended up being Gilligan;s island




Had a great brunch with my family before we drove home on Sunday.

Hung out with Matt outside waiting for trick or treaters Sunday night together.

Then our good friends came over around 8, C C E and J, and they brought over all the fixins to make homemade pizzas. 6 homemade pizzas to be exact, with fresh ingredients, and the boys did all the work while the girls just hung out and drank wine! And then we played games and i went to bed waay too late for a work day.

But it really was an absolutely PERFECT weekend.

Best weekend to have before I eagerly anticipate and exciting vacation on thursday!!

AND THEN IS almost the HOLIDAY SEASON!!

I love this time of the year:)

Until next time....

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Just another manic Mweek...

Why do I always feel so over committed??

That is really what it all boils down to, maybe it is because I AM OVER COMMITTED!

This week i just cant fit in everything that i need to do, and i am just too busy and stressed out trying to fit it all in all i can focus on is how stressed i am. It's like the week is a blurry ball of, well, blurriness. I got back from a FANTASTIC weekend in Mammoth cave with some great friends on Sunday and literally DID. ABSOLUTELY.NOTHING. I really should have not laid around so much. Here is what i have to accomplish this week:
Buy present for nephew's birthday
Get Oil Changed
Find Halloween costume (which could be way more time consuming than intended)
Buy a new dishwasher
Go to the grocery
and of course, go to the gym, right? Which then spirals into basic grooming like showering and washing my hair. And o wait, lets not forget about that things that takes a lot of time, oh, WORK! But before you queue the violins, i forgot to tell you about all the commitments i made AFTER WORK. Yesterday it was dinner with J and S, tonight it is pumpkin carving, Wednesday is Broadway play night, and thursday i am having dinner with Seabass who i havent spent ANY time with since, well the event i dont talk about that happened in June. Finally on friday we have to drive up to Cleveland. And i cant cancel the trip to cleveland because Odie has plans to stay there for 2 weeks so my parents can dog sit while we are on vacation next week. O ya, and we cant forget that i want to hit the gym after work. If i can go to the gym i just feel like all is well with the world.

This weekend is busy if we get up to cleveland friday night (that whole day is shot). then saturday is hangout with my parents/make something for the party on saturday night, and sunday get up early and drive down to cinci to see our nephew for his birthday 'gathering' but still make it down in time to see the trick or treaters in my neighborhood. This is just so much i want to do, and i dont want to sacrifice any of it. NEXT WEEK I AM MAKING NO PLANS!! In fact, i have plans with myself.

So back to work for me.... this work week was supposed to be slow and easy but it definitely is not. I am swamped and stressed. Next week should be better, although i have a feeling that i will be so busy leading up to Thursday and getting ready for the trip. Hopefully it will be excited busy though.

Today was a nervous day at work because 'The Storm' was all over the news and weather reports. And of course, i thought it would be nice to save time to pick up our cars in Springdale where we 'had to bring them for service' according to matt because we 'had to go to gateway tire' and COMPLETELY inconvenience me. So we took a long lunch right before 'The Storm' to retrieve both cars. And all the way up there we heard sirens on the radio, while we paid for our cars the news for glaring warnings for 'The Storm' and finally, on the way back south there was a count down for when The Storm would arrive in the metro area. Which of course made me a wreck because all i could think about was an image of myself, in my work clothes- supposed to be at work-- but tucked under a bridge in torrential down pours waiting for the supposed tornado to pass. Am i Nuts? it didnt happen, but of course all the way to when i pulled into the building my hands were literally shaking with fear and anticipation. And ya know what? The Storm wasnt even that bad at all. Ya, it was pretty windy, and there was a LOT of rain... but screw the build-up. UGH!

Like i was in a state today to handle more stress?

I need a break, this whole post made no sense.....


Time to try to make sense of my work day....

Monday, October 18, 2010

Updates! 101 things and the weekend

It's been a pretty good start to the week after a pretty great weekend. RELAX was the word, but not too boring, and just the right amount of fun. Im happy to see Monday, it's a shorter week for me as one full day will be spent at OSU recruiting at thier career fair. And for once- the craziness has slooowed. Almost to a complete halt today. But it's nice, i am catching my breath.

So this weekend: a small recap! Friday matt and I got into a huge screaming fight about complications involving logistics for our trip this coming weekend to Mammoth Cave. But luckily, we put in in a box and we able to enjoy a nice trip up to his parents house to see his dad after his trip to China last week. It was nice, I got to see my nephews, talk to J, and have a fun dinner and enjoy an ice cold beer to relax me a bit. The night ended up on an upswing. Saturday was slow starting, Matt and I went out to lunch at Rusty Bucket and chilled most of the day before we met up for a double date with J and V at Ichiban at 9 for HALF PRICE SUSHI!! Which we have now realized is seriously the best deal in town. Not to mention the sushi is aaah-mazing! We also went to a haunted house!! Yay for Halloween! We drove to teh west side to go to the Dent School house-- which is apparently rated as one of the best in the country. We paid an extra $10 a ticket and by-passed a 2+ hour line. WE all had a blast!! We went back to J's house and started playing the new edition of monopoly and drank wine until 2:30am. It was a late night but an absolutely wonderful one:) Finally, on Sunday matt got up to meet his brothers to talk LLC stuff while i got to have a relaxing Sunday by myself for a few hours. I watched felicity as i did loads of laundry, cleaned up some around the house, played with Odie, and then went to workout and go to a spin class in the middle of the afternoon. Have i mentioned it here how much i LOVE spinning? I LOVE SPINNING!! Then came home and showered and drove to matt's parents for another enjoyable evening. An evening where we couldn't stop talking about how excited we are for vacation! It was a wonderful wonderful weekend... and the weather was warm and perfect!


So, it's been since July 27th since I created this list. I think i should status what i wrote almost 90 days in? Lets see:

I will put Completed Items in Purple



In NO particular order... here goes: My 101 things!
1) Do more Yoga and get good at it
2) Lose 10 pounds
3) cook more-- learn more healthy recipes
4) Write more letters to my friends
5)Learn more things to do with my hair
6) Start an in-house project
7) Take a cooking class
8) Take a cake decorating class
9) Take a spinning class (i have been too scared to try it)
10) Read more books
11)Travel
12) Have another cookout
13) Go cabining
14) Go to Mammoth Cave
15)Make a Wedding Album *
16) Preserve my wedding Dress
17) Print a mural wedding picture
18) Pull out the large ugly shrubs on the side of my house
19) Re-plant the side of my house
20)Plan a trip to visit my sister
21)Host a dinner party
22) Babysit my nephews more
23)Get more involved with my Church
24) Go to church more frequently
25) Try to recover my old pictures and files from my broken laptop
26)Wear more colors to work (besides varying shades of white, black and grey)
27)Play tennis again
28) Play a game of racquetball
29) Start going to bed earlier
30)Try to keep up with laundry more during the week
31) Blog more frequently
32) Take Odie to the dog park
34)Update my address book
35) Think about buying a new house
37) Go on more dates with my husband
38) Update my iPod
39)Update my resume
40)Buy window treatments for my dining room
41)Go on more walks
42)buy my Mom flowers
43)Delete old numbers in my cell phone
44) make a home cooked meal for my good friend's family in need
45)Learn to listen better
46) Say Thank you to much husband more
47)Pay off my student loans
48) Take some more time for me
49) Take one big trip with Matt before we have kids
50) Visit my parents more
51)Complain less about work
52) Hang more pictures in my house
53)Clean the garage
54) Go the the Art Museum
55) Go to the Krohn Conservatory
56) Go Apple Picking
57) Go to the pumpkin patch
58) Buy a new pair of Mizunos
59) Organize my inbox at work-- delete more emails
60) Organize my inbox at home-- delete more emails
61)Buy more nail polish
62)Read the news more
63)

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Life or something like it

So work has been unusually stressful the last couple weeks, and i was accused of being pushy last week. Excuse me for having high expectations of people, and expecting that people put in the same effort that I do. Well, apparently i have been shaken by it.... and now i am worried that i am being pushy all the time. I check with my boss and she says i am doing great and just doing my job, but I cant help it. It takes me back to college, especially business school, where we had groups projects in just about every class. I know i was perceived as pushy in college by some team members, but now that i think about it those people were NOT like me at all. I often was the group leader, and i ALWAYS picked up the slack of the poor performer. I think about this because i requested my transcripts the other day for a job application and it brought me back to thinking about my long days in the library, my study habits, my relationships with my teachers, and-- not to brag-- but my success. Where am I now? How have i changed? or have i?

I have been thinking a lot about my old college days a lot lately. I am not sure why, maybe because i recently started watching old episodes of Felicity and it really reminds me of my experience. And the friends i made. The the extremely formative period in my life it was. I think back on those 4 (5) years and i feel the feelings and happiness that i had then. Ya, i know some times were hard but i honestly dont think i would have changed a single thing. Sometimes i wish i could re-create some of the same opportunities. Like opportunities to get to graded, and opportunities to meet people, opportunities to make an impact. I was SO involved back then. I cant even name off all the clubs and groups i was involved in. I recall having stuff going on almost every night of the week. On top of spending insane amounts of time just being with friends. Even though things really were great back then, they were difficult because all everyone including myself was trying to do was make it and figure themselves out along the way. Figuring out how to be independent and what you want to do in life. And who i am.

I dont know what got lost through the generations, or maybe things have always been like this, but it seems like the age of searching for self is getting older. It's not the teens, or the twenties, but maybe even older? If we are not busy calculating others, it's our own selves that leave us the most puzzled and confused. Why is this?Is there a guide to soul searching? Or is there even such thing?

I am really happy where i am right now, really. I am sure i am going to look back on these days, in my house now, in my job right now and think how great things were. But how come sometimes it takes hind sight to see what we have. I wonder what it was like a day in my grandma's eyes, she never really complained about her life or how hard things are (or were). She had opinions, but never complaints. And i know she lead one happy and fulfilled life. But when do you know it? Does it take looking back as a 90 year old woman?

So i guess i am sort of making a pack with myself. To do every day improvements. Well, conscientious improvements. Lately i have found working out has helped my mood and my spirit. Being with certain friends has helped my mood. But i also find that entertaining really sucks the energy out of me... and this never was the case. Like the constant awareness of how i am presenting myself, how others are feeling, and what can be doing to make sure everyone is OK and an enjoying themselves. And then trying to cover this heightened awareness.... it's all exhausting. I want to improve.

Last night i took my very first spinning class and i absolutely LOVED it. It was hard, but this is going to get incorporated into my weekly life. I know this is a selfish improvement, but bettering the soul starts with a little bit of selfishness.

And her is a a really good song my coworker L sent me. I love it! It's not fitting-- in fact quite the opposite. But nonetheless....

more soon.


Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Busy time of the work year

It's one of the busiest times of the year for me as the government fiscal year just came to a close. There is a lot of stuff going on at work, but at least the days have gone by fast. It's still hard to believe that it is October here already. I think fall weather had finally arrived too, it's been really chilly here over the last few days. Although its supposed to move back into the 70s this week.


Matt and I picked out our pumpkins last weekend at Lynd Farm-- our annual tradition now 4 (?) years running and picked apples too. We love it there. Although the pumpkins were not as big this year, i have a feeling it had something to do with the draught. It was a good weekend, we even went out friday night for E's birthday at the Pub and went all the way up to Cleveland too. We went to the Browns Bengals game with the usual crew and tailgated beforehand. It was a great game and the Browns left victoriously!




It was perfect fall weather this weekend and pretty chilly at the game. Last week in honor of the fall weather i made a delicious fall soup with pumpkin, butternut squash, sweet potatoes, chicken, leeks, onions, peppers, celery and it was DELICIOUS!! It tasted just like fall:) Last night Matt went to the grocery store and cooked dinner for me, he doesnt do it often but he knew how much id appreciate it. AND I LOVED IT! It was a nutricious and DElicious dinner. I even managed to hit a workout class at my gym and got my butt kicked. It was SO hard, and I am sore today. YEsterday was a good start to the week --and even got some laundry done and got to bed a good hour. So far so good!


Anyway, better get back to work. Lots more to do before weeks end.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Changed

One year ago yesterday was my wedding day.

We celebrate our anniversary yesterday and reflected back on what we were doing on year ago. Boy things have changed. I dont know what has or how it has but things sure get different with time. And should take this day to reflect on some things i am thankful for....
1) My loving husband who loves me more and more than the day we married
2) my family who still has their health
3) My in-laws who are so welcoming and loving
4) My beautiful nephews
5) A job that doesn't leave me stressed out at the end of each day
6) A really sweet dog that is always at my side
7) my health
8)a beautiful house
9) my close circle of friends who can always pick me up
10). The ability to appreciate the things i have

I was thinking about this weekend going home for the Browns/Bengals game with my friends. We were trying to decide to drive up friday or saturday. Saturday night until this year included dinner with my family and visiting grandma. It's weird because this saturday night there will be no more grandma visits. It's funny how much i still think about her now that she is gone, it's almost like i think about her more. Like now she really is an angel.... And it's strange how the sadness about her being gone kind of moves into a weird feeling of-- i dont know the word-- peaceful recollection. Like your memories are now in a box that you open up when I think of her. It's still a little sad but not kind I had right after she died. It's like routine I had with her when i was home is replaced by that memory box that i like to keep dusted off.

I am really happy these days. A lot of really great things i have to look forward to. And today seems like the start of fall. It's cooler today and it's been raining off and on-- for the first time in months. And it's definitely sweatshirt weather. I slept perfectly through the night last night and woke up in a good mood. I feel like cuddling up to a candle and some good tv tonight. Maybe ill get in a quick workout as matt and i want to kick off our own Biggest Loser Challenge. I hope we can do it.

I wanted to put a song on my blog so i think this song from Wicked is so fitting. Not only is it my favorite musical in the whole entire world, but i think the lyrics are just right. I have changed a lot in the past couple years, because of my husband and the people around me. And my grandma, who helped me become the person i am. So this fits all the people i love so much in my life. And those people that stood before me on the day one year ago... you make my life better just by being in it.

\

Thursday, September 23, 2010

First day of Fall

Welcome Fall! One of my most favorite times of year (next to Christmas time). And today's high is 97 degrees. Yes, almost 100 degrees and that is in the shade. It's been an insanely hot summer this year with practically no rain it all. I rained yesterday afternoon for a brief 10-15 minutes but i think that was the first break in weeks. I am very much welcoming fall this year... if and when it actually comes.

I don't have a lot of plans this rest of the week, i am planning on seeing P and her new baby Oliver and maybe hangout with my nephews and family. Who knows what it in store. This Sunday is our one year wedding anniversary. It's hard to believe it had been that long already! It's been one up and down year, but i am looking forward to passing this milestone.

My parents come back from Italy tomorrow too, after being gone for 9 days. And the first trip in (20? some) years alone. And boy do they deserve it after all the stress over the months with my grandma and her stuff, and my dad and his insane work hours. The weeks leading up to this trip he worked multiple days of 24-36 hours straight of work. He needs the break and rest. It looked like had an absolutely magnificent time. I am looking forward to catching up with them.

Here is a picture my dad sent me in Venice from his phone on one of the first few days of their trip. I LOVE Italy!


I am leaving work early for a dentist appointment. Not a lot to say today... i am tired and haven't been sleeping well. Things are good. I am looking forward to a full weekend of rest. And probably putting up some fall decorations around my house... I love fall!

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

September Update

Where to begin?

Lots of stuff going in my life yet its rather boring right now.

I went to Vegas last week. It was great, uneventful, productive, and even fun all wrapped into one work trip. Matt came out Wednesday night and we spent another 2.5 days out there... and spent a little too much money, but i think we both really enjoyed our time together. It was much needed. We justify the expenses as an anniversary present which is this weekend actually.

At work it's the calm before the year end storm that is quickly approaching. Things will get hectic and stressful again, i am ready November and holidays. October is always an enjoyable month though, i am looking forward to doing fall things like haunted houses, picking out pumpkins, apple cider, apple picking, carving pumpkins, wearing sweaters, campfires.... October is bound to move quickly too i know.

Last night i went to dinner with my coworker L and a mutual friend (we didnt realize we had thanks to facebook). I haven't seen this girl, EP, for 5-6 years in college. We went out on a spring break out to Appalachia to do a week of service together my junior year. It was a unbelievably memorable week, lots of good feelings and love. Spending the evening with her brought me back to my old college days where i did tons of service and great activities though UD campus ministry. We really had a 'help the world' mentality and it was so energizing. Being around her made me realize how much of that feeling has been lost over the years post college.... and it does make me a little solemn about it. EP has just moved to Cincinnati a couple weeks ago and lives and works in a homeless shelter and doesnt receive a paycheck. And this is only one of the multiple service organizations she has been a part of after graduation. Truly inspiring. And her energy reminds me so much of my best friend C, it's uplifting and contagious. I love it. I admire it.

Tomorrow i am seeing the first play of our Broadway season, South Pacific. I cannot wait to spend some time with J and A, its been a little too long. I miss them. It's a quick week, and Friday Thursday and Friday i have back to back dentist appointments. Who knows whats in store next.... just moving through. Until next time, here are a couple of songs i really like right now.




Friday, September 3, 2010

Reflections from the 30,000 feet.

Today is friday.

We get off early today it being a long weekend and all.

I am back in the office after bring in Albuquerque all week.

Things are good... so here are a few ramdom thoughts on this friday:

Being a plane for long periods of time with not much to do gives you a LOT of time to think. Being a plane alone gives you a lot of insight about yourself and the world around you. It gives you the truest view of life it seems, as the people you encounter and meet truely are a random sampling of the world (in that n > 30-- i am being statistically correct).... sorry for the nerd in me.... but i do believe this. I really do. I have had a few moments-- multiple moments where i just stepped back from my inner self to take a look at things--
1). I tend to think i am not a very gregarious person. Actually i think i am usually a quieter personality and tend to not step into conversation unless invited. I am not one to strike up conversations with strangers and when a conversation ends generally i don't fill the empty voids. I think this is who i am. However. When I was travelling this weekend-- being alone in airports or planes for 6-8 hours at a time over the last few days--- I found so many people approached me. And approached me in such a kind and generous way that i found it quite striking actually. One women who was sitting across the isle from me ( i was on aisle she was across near the window) and i was grabbing my bag from the jet way she stopped me and said " i noticed your ring on the plane. It's SO beautiful, it caught my eye its so pretty. The only thing prettier is the gal." Can you be any nicer??? IT MADE MY DAY! A simple comment, unsolicited compliment can change the entire direction of your mood and energy and rest of my day actually. On the second flight on my way home another man stopped me as i was walking to the plane and said " you are from the Albuquerque flight..." I dont know how he recognized me, but he walked all the the way from terminal to plane about the city, where is from, why he is going to Cincinnati, and it turns our he and his wife are going to visit his daughter who just moved. And before i knew it was switching cards to meet his daughter who is younger and close to my age.

And this was the second time this trip i exchanged information. This leads me to:

2) There are some people you meet just briefly but think about long after the encounter is over. I dont know how often this happens to others, it rarely happens to me, although i do know a lot of incredible people. The man i met on my first flight out west was one of these people. Once again i was sitting in my seat minding my own business with a book open in front of me and the man next to me struck up conversation. Harmless conversation about where i am going, where i am from, why i am travelling, ya know the usually small talk that i didn't anticipate to last long (see point number 1 above). But this man, an incredibly ordinary person looking at him; worn jeans and a t-shirt, greasy hair, kind of yellow teeth, wore a hat to cover his head up, probably in his upper thirties or maybe forties. Sometimes it's hard to tell with men. Very ordinary. He was coming home after after being in Afghanistan for 3 months. One of his many trips home for the allowed 9-10 days after three months. His wife had a baby 2 months ago and he was going home to meet him for the first time. And i don't know what it was about this man that really resonated with me. Maybe is was humble honesty about the tough life he leads, or maybe a little charm about his innocence, his slight sense of humor and his total openness about his life and work. He opened up about a lot of things-- not his deep secrets or anything-- of course not, but about his life. Things that perhaps you would worry a stranger would judge you about. It was charming really. And when i asked him what he was going to when he gets home, he told me he is looking forward to getting a coffee drink (he had a name for it) that was a flavored coffee with a shot of carmel. It wasn't what i was expected to hear, but i remember him saying it and it was just ... nice. The only word i can think of.

I dont why i think of this. He pulled out a map at one point to show me Abu dhabi (sp?)-- where he had a one day lay over-- and wanted to tell me about it. At the end of the flight he said he would email the pictures and we exchanged information. And i am not thinking about this many romantically in the least, but there was something about him that was inspiring. And he will just never know.

These people, these moments are truly uplifting. And maybe they happen more than i realize, i just never take the time to enjoy the moments. And i found that i ending up chatting with the person next to me on every flight this week (and there were 4 of them). All very nice chats with such pleasant people. It was hopeful. It's what a little bit of time by yourself gives you. Moments of clarity. Moments of joy.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Ramblings on a Thursday

Another week i am rounding the end of and it's been pretty good so far. Although tomorrow morning i have a dentist appointment where i will hear i have some cavities that I know will not end on an up swing. But so far so good. This week has actually gone by pretty fast too.

Here is my week in review:
Monday after work I went on a 5mi walk with Matt and Odie and actually had a pretty relaxing evening.
Tuesday I saw Eat Pray Love with a E, J (Matt's friend's girl friend) and L (from work). It was a unique group-- not everyone knew each other-- but we are all super nice. We had drinks and happy hour apps at Bar Louie and hung out for like an hour before the the movie. It was a good night, and I really liked the movie. Not as much as the book, but still really like it and thought it was a good service to the book. Considering most movies pale in comparison.
Wednesday I went to Party on the River with J and L. I wasn't expecting to end up staying all that long, but the time just flew by and before we knew it it was like 9:30!! It was really enjoyable, and made me miss being around J all that much more. I think about her a lot as her dad is getting weaker and weaker these days. I cherish the days i do get to spend some decent time. Too bad A couldn't make it, it would have been the trifecta.

Today is Thursday and I hope to have a somewhat relaxing day after work. We have dinner plans on Saturday night and B and A, we are getting out house appraised on saturday to refinance (yet again), and who knows what other random things we will get into the rest of hte weekend. It seems the super hot weather has passed and we are amidst the beautiful temperatures and sunny days. Really it was the perfect temp last night on the river. Here is a picture ( one of the 3 that was snapped from Q102 or Metro mix). This was on Cincinnati.com today:


I just cannot believe Labor Day is here next weekend already. Where did the summer go? it always seems to just fly by. Next week will be busy travelling, and then dinner with my old college friends at M's house (who may be moving out of cincinnati again), and then up to cleveland for the long weekend. Lots of thoughts on all this mentioned above...... seeing my old friends-- who last night i texted one of them and found our i wasnt in their phone anymore. She said "she lost her numbers"... although part of me wasn't surprised. But the most surprising was how little i cared when i heard. Things really are changing for me. But i think changing for the better.

And about Labor day weekend and being home-- I am excited to see my family and some of my good friends will be getting together at P & E's house right around the block from my parents. We are all going to a winery and having a cookout. It should be wonderful. But i was also expected to help out with my grandma's house and bring the trailer up again to haul stuff. Although i was incredibly offended this week by the actions of my some of my family members. And how nonsensical they were in response to an incredibly generous offer my father in law to help. I am unbelievably disappointed in their actions, thier thought process, and what they did goes against my grain. I feel like i cant be involved in it anymore. It's it such a shame to see things run the way they are. I know i am being nebulous, but it's necessary given the nature of my feelings.

Things are always interesting in our household. You just never know what is waiting around the next turn. Hopefully ill update my 101 things soon. Some progress has been made (not much), but its worth updating nonetheless.

Now closing another blog of abstract ramblings.... Have a great thursday!

Friday, August 20, 2010

Game night and Friday

Another busy week has come to a close, thank gosh it's Friday. I am travelling again for work, so i am not ready to move through another couple weeks so quickly. It was a good week, nothing too exciting happened. I barely remember the beginning of the week so ill take that as a good thing.

Yesterday, however, Matt and I hosted game night with Matt's friends C and C and their girl friends J and of course E. It was pretty fun, although probably wouldn't have been better if it was a weekend and no one had to go to work the next day. E and I cooked together for everyone after work; she made a cheesecake and homemade meatballs, i made the spaghetti and the sauce, and J made a Caesar salad. And i must say EVERYTHING WAS DELICIOUS!!! I must get the recipe for the meatballs because they were so yummy, didn't look too hard, and they reeeally went well with my mom's sauce. And Matt LOOOOOVED them!! I hope E and I cook together again because we make a good team. If only we both had bigger kitchens though..... some day it will happen.

This weekend Matt and I are taking a conceal/carry class. I was unsure if i wanted to share this bit of information to the world about my weekend plans because i still am not sure how i feel about the whole idea. I didnt tell very many people, MY family doesn't actually even know. Just dont have the energy to figure out how i feel about it as people may or may not question me about the idea, although i do know i am not taking this class to actually carry. No, no, not in the least. It's just a very extensive and informative class that i hope to learn a thing or two, especially for one who has never shot a gun before no less even HELD a gun before. I was raised in a household where guns didnt exist, they weren't talked about, and all i learned about them is 'guns are bad.' And i still do very much carry this sentiment.... to a degree. I am a supporter or the NRA, people who read my blog tend to realize i lean to the right, this is no surprise. People who make 'guns bad' are those that shouldnt have them anyway. Giving the responsible citizens all the more reason TO have them. But since i am gun ignorant i am taking the class, not just because matt would like me to not have such strong feelings against guns, but probably to have a lot more respect for it, and maybe will open my eyes to some things i haven't ever thought about. But right now where things stand i have no intentions of ever owning a gun.

It's funny right now because every time i typed the word "gun" i found myself fat fingered the key board and ending up with "fun."

Well, i better finish up this workday. I hope to have time to update next week. Lots of stuff on my mind, just I am too tired right now to think about it all. I hate going to bed late. Until next time..

Monday, August 16, 2010

Weekend review and other thoughts on Monday

So I am back to another long Monday at work. I can tell i am PMSing because i am all over the board with my emotions today. I cant tell if i am feeling sad, happy, depressed, tired, anxious, hungry? Who knows. Another busy week ahead, nothing i am dreading, nothing i am too terribly excited about.

I am at work today watching all 25 items we posted on Ebay from my grandma's house go for auction. We posted 25 items-- all of varying degree of value (in my personal opinion) and its been interesting to see the process. Some surprises, some let downs, but very much a learning experience. We had a 7 day auction for all items that will end tonight at 8:30. Matt says the most action occurs in the last hour, but i am not holding my breath or anything. So far today we are up to a total of $321.75 in bids; not bad for a virgin Ebay-er, i guess.

I had a pretty good weekend too. Nothing majorly exciting to tell, but nothing not good either. Friday night Matt and I went out to dinner at Bella Luna and got some stuff we needed to around the house. We decided on a late dinner there-- Matt's brother went there twice in a month so we figured we should try it when the most frugal people we know went two times. It was absolutely delicious! And a much needed relaxing evening. Saturday I helped my friend M move out of her apartment that morning. She is moving to a beautiful high rise building in Chicago right on Navy Pier; she starts medical school this fall at Northwestern. She is a smarty! I am so proud of her. I just met her this year and i am a little melancholy seeing her go... but i am glad she is doing something great for her life.

Saturday afternoon Matt and I dog sat Rowdy for a first... JF was in a pinch so of course we are glad to help out a good friend. He didn't ruin our house even though he is a bit high strung. We had fun with him, even took him on a walk and gave him a bath as he helped us water our lawn. We even hosed each other down in the process. This weekend was insanely hot. I hope i remember this kind of heat when i am dying for summer again in the sub-zero temps of the winter. Saturday night i went out with the usual crowd for dinner at Arnold's and over to the hofbrauhaus. It was a not too bad evening....And Sunday we sweatted (sp?) our asses off at the Reds game. It was a busy, uneventful, not too thrilling weekend.

I was thinking this weekend about how different this year has been from the last. SO many people have left my life this year.... and it;s only August. Not only all the deaths, but the new people that have come into my life and have also left. Talk about some ups and downs. It almost wished i knew it was coming in 2009-- one of the most memorable years of my life-- and maybe i could have appreciated some moments a little more. I dont know. My boss was talking today about how she sees herself back in Chicago (where she was born and raised) after her youngest son graduates from HS in a couple years. She also said to me that you need to be flexible because you just never know what life is going to throw at you. You can never tell what another two years is going to bring you. This coming from a woman who also lost her 49 year old brother a few weeks ago to pancreatic cancer. The cancer that ended his life only 5 months after he was diagnosed.

I think about this as a i think about my dad and the sale of his company. Or more accurately the blood, sweat and tears of my dad's entire life and most of my childhood up to this point. This year appears to be yielding even more changes. Who knows what is in store next.... all you can do is remain positive and hope for the best.



In the words of Spiro.... Life is perfect exactly the way it is.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Incredibly Productive few days

Wow Productivity is at all time high in our household. And of course, i couldn't go without saying that my sleepless, sweaty nights have not relented. But i am still chugging. And i am motivated by all the progress we have made. Ill give a brief weekend/start to the week rundown. Tell me we couldn't have been any more productive?

It actually was an enjoyable weekend. Really it was. Friday we randomly decided to do the Downtown Dash and Block Party sponsored by our church. It helped that we 'just so happened' to be walking by the church parking lot at lunch and saw our incredibly awesome priest who married us at the ready to register race participates. And whaddya know? Matt is all in for running a 5k. the first race he has ran since before we started dating!! (that priest really does have someone on his side;-). It was actually a tough race, mostly hills, and it was HOT-- but we both finished. I finished a couple minutes sooner than Matt, but not more more than a 10 or so min mile. Which is actually not half bad considering we both walked a bit. It was good to spend the time together and do something a little more challenging together. And we walked around, got some drinks, and strolled around downtown together. It was MOST enjoyable:)

Saturday was another busy one. We headed up to the Matt's parents house where we actually ended up spending the entire day up there. We first ran to Jungle Jim's to meet up with Matt's friend who is the manager at the Garden Center to look at their sales. They were getting rid of a lot of stuff so we basically bought plants and bushes for entire side yard and spent less than 100 bucks. Way less than a hundred actually. Since we had Matt's Dad's truck we drove them back to our house and came back North again. I brought my Ode with me, and we got to work again going through all the stuff we set aside from my grandma's house we thought was worth anything. We cleaned it, staged it, took pictures, and then started post those things we wanted to sell on eBay. Yay us! Huuuge headway! And then, around 8 or so, we pick up pizzas and headed of to Jungle's house-- matt's good friend C's parents-- because he was house sitting. Yay E and I coordinating; We brought over pizzas and hung out all night. Another couple came over and we drank wine, played botchi ball (for HOURS) outside on their court, and hung out. It was one heck of a good time.

But this is just the tip of the iceburg....

Sunday-- matt woke up NOT hungover-- which was incredibly important because we were back up at his parents house to pick up odie first thing, Matt could get some condo stuff done, I could pick up some tools, and then i left him up there while i headed home to starting trimming down the monster ugly bushes we had on the side of our house. It took me a good 4 hours; cutting, pulling, hauling huge branches the size of me to the curb. I got all of them trimmed down to a few inches! Then i met up with Matt again to finished posted everything on Ebay! And here we are sitting today with 25 items up for auction:)

Yesterday after work, with Matt's help, we began uprooting the stubs i had left behind from the day before. And spent another solid 3 hours together planting our new bushes and plants. We finished. I am praying they stay alive. But gosh, now i know why landscapers stay in business. I am SO SORE today!

It feels good to have accomplished so much. At this time next week i will measure our success. A profitable week on eBay and alive plants in our side yard.

Back to work for me!

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Shark Week

OK, I have a new favorite time of the year....


SHARK WEEK!!!

Can i just say I LOVE SHARKS!! Almost as much as my unnatural affinity towards Dinosaurs. But sharks, o i love to hate them! Ive always liked shark week on Discovery, but since i lived in Cinci i never had cable and this is the first year i have had Discovery Channel to enjoy the awesomeness that is this week of the sharks:)

And can i also say i love Mike Rowe now too.

Matt knows about my new crush, i think he secretly has a man crush too. It;s really brought us together tapping and watching shows before bed. Some of my favorites include Dirty Jobs that Bite, Air Shark, and of course Air Shark II, Eatin Alive, and Shark Attack Survival Guide. But let's be honest, i love them all!!


..... OK, i swear i am not crazy.

Outside of shark week things are pretty good here. I have had a busy week and am ready for the weekend. Monday i watched the season finale of the Bachelorette with E and ordered Indian food. Yummy! And Tuesday I went walking with F in this god awful heat, yesterday i was with matt parents abd brothers all day looking at a condo they are going to buy. It was a long night, but they wrote an offer to i think it was productive for them. This weekend we have no official plans and i think that is going to be nice. Who knows what we will do, maybe get a tan. But i do know i have to do some ebay stuff with all the things we brought back from my grandma;s house. One more day until the weekend.

Happy Shark Week!!

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

The List

So i discovered someone;s blog today on facebook and i really liked something she did. She had 101 in 1001 in list form for 101 things to accomplish in 1001 days. Now i am too lazy to do the math, i have no idea how many years 1001 days are. But i like the concept and it got my brainstorming. Or perhaps the thought was if i actually write it down maybe i will do it. Thinking of 101 things maybe be quite a task but i guess they don't all have to be big accomplishments. Just things I want to do:

In NO particular order... here goes: My 101 things!
1) Do more Yoga and get good at it
2) Lose 10 pounds
3) cook more-- learn more healthy recipes
4) Write more letters to my friends
5)Learn more things to do with my hair
6) Start an in-house project
7) Take a cooking class
8) Take a cake decorating class
9) Take a spinning class (i have been too scared to try it)
10) Read more books
11)Travel
12) Have another cookout
13) Go cabining
14) Go to Mammoth Cave
15)Make a Wedding Album *
16) Preserve my wedding Dress
17) Print a mural wedding picture
18) Pull out the large ugly shrubs on the side of my house
19) Re-plant the side of my house
20)Plan a trip to visit my sister
21)Host a dinner party
22) Babysit my nephews more
23)Get more involved with my Church
24) Go to church more frequently
25) Try to recover my old pictures and files from my broken laptop
26)Wear more colors to work (besides varying shades of white, black and grey)
27)Play tennis again
28) Play a game of racquetball
29) Start going to bed earlier
30)Try to keep up with laundry more during the week
31) Blog more frequently
32) Take Odie to the dog park
34)Update my address book
35) Think about buying a new house
37) Go on more dates with my husband
38) Update my iPod
39)Update my resume
40)Buy window treatments for my dining room
41)Go on more walks
42)buy my Mom flowers
43)Delete old numbers in my cell phone
44) make a home cooked meal for my good friend's family in need
45)Learn to listen better
46) Say Thank you to much husband more
47)Pay off my student loans
48) Take some more time for me
49) Take one big trip with Matt before we have kids
50) Visit my parents more
51)Complain less about work
52) Hang more pictures in my house
53)Clean the garage
54) Go the the Art Museum
55) Go to the Krohn Conservatory
56) Go Apple Picking
57) Go to the pumpkin patch
58) Buy a new pair of Mizunos
59) Organize my inbox at work-- delete more emails
60) Organize my inbox at home-- delete more emails
61)Buy more nail polish
62)Read the news more
63)

I guess i cant think of 101 things... but made it will be my list in progress. I will update accordingly-- and hopefully post about them as i go.
Lets see how this goes.....

Friday, July 23, 2010

An autobiography

I don't know if I have mentioned it in another post recently, sorry if i repeat. My grandma wrote an autobiography. She told her kids and about it this year a few months back and I remember thinking what a cool thing. When she passed it was distributed-- the three copies she manually typed-- for each of her kids. When i went home for the funeral last months i saw it on my parents table but i just couldn't read it. It was hard enough pulling it together, but reading that would make me fall to pieces knowing i cant ask her questions and hear her stories anymore.

I read it yesterday.

Last week an "Addendum" surfaced and it was slightly more current. I read them both. I read them at work for some reason, i don't know why. Maybe i thought i could separate myself from it a little if i read it at work. And it was close to the end of the day so instead of starting something i wouldn't finish, i read my grandma's autobiography. It was incredible. What a neat life she had; she separates the document in pieces: Her parents, her family, her jobs, her husband, and then the last page is a handwritten page that says "my favorite times." All pieces are so fascinating and i can pull out some of what she wrote from the stories she would tell us. And then when i left work i got sad. Because memories of sitting in grandmas house, and laughing at some of the stuff she says and the way she talked when she told those stories. I am SO sad, i am wiping tears and i think about it. But i know when the pain lessons I am going to re-read it and think about how wonderful she was. And be able to show MY kids a little piece of the wonderful women that shaped my life for 26 years.

Now, i think about this like grandma would have documented in her life. It would be very sad, but she would chronology it because some of the things my grandma lived to see and do would blow your mind. She discusses the loss of her brothers, sisters,friends, neighbors, and even her own son. She says that pain is the most hurtful. But this is just one time in my life-- similar to my grandma's-- there are ebbs and flows and sometimes times are just a little happier than others.

I miss her deeply.

Its going to be hard this weekend going into her house to take some stuff away. But i am hoping i can repress these feelings for the car ride home on Sunday. But maybe it wont be sad, maybe ill be on project mode and not think about it. I have no idea. I want to kick myself for reading that right before this weekend. I shoulda waited?

I am tired today at work because i stayed up very late last night playing Monopoly with Matt, his friend C and E. It was a lot of fun actually. E and I drank 2 bottles of wine. It was a random but well embraced evening after the slightly emotional evening i had already embarked upon after leaving work. When I got home I also for my first letter from K, my friend I was in Chicago for at the end of June. I haven't discussed much about that situation yet, but receiving my first correspondence was a mixed bag of emotions. Emotions are tiring.

Matt and I went to the library last night and got 4 books on tape for the looong car ride with the trailer tonight. I am reeeally reeeally hoping it helps.


Thats all i got for now. Until next time.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

My Wednesday

I came into work in a pretty damn good mood today, despite the awful sleep i have been getting as of late. And I mean really bad sleep-- waking up ALL.THE.TIME. Ugh, i hate it. But i just want to describe the good mood, and free therapy, being surrounded by good people can really do for you.

Last night i had made plans a week or so ago with J and A to go out for my birthday. Well, we aren't fancy, we just wanted to see each other and so Panera by my house was decided upon. And I just want to say it was so great to be able to see them. SO. great. they are incredible friends to me. We closed the place, we talked for OVER 3 hours. So much to catch up on, nothing major, just stuff. And it was awesome. It made me feel so good about my life, and how lucky i am, and how much i really cherish the good friends i do have in my life.

That day also included a really happy (and appreciative) phone call from E, and then i got a package in the mail from K in Chicago!! It was an incredibly full filling day, it was so uplifting, and i went to bed just really, really happy. It felt like that was the first day in a while that i just finished the day and the highest note in the book. I realized (well, i guess it wasn't a revelation) that i dont need to worry about those in my life that dont care about me. I dont need lots of friends, i just need a few incredible ones. And those are the ones that will make me feel the best anyways.

Before i went to bed Matt and I ate a huge cookie that A bought for me, watched a silly game show on TV, and i snuggled up in bed. Tonight i am planning on going out with E to see Valerie who moved to Atlanta a couple months ago. I hope it;s a fun night, but that i can get to bed at a decent time. I am not much in the mood to be tired the rest of the week.

I am glad a made a few minutes to write today, i was on the verge of turning sour through this work day. But this helped. I need to remember this.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Ides of July

There seems so much to update about, however I am tired and just feel like mindlessly writing to pass the time as I move through another insanely busy week at work. I am not supposed to be in the office tomorrow, but I worry this is not going to be the case since there are so many concurrent activities happening now.

But no more work talk.

Things have been interesting in my life. I had a birthday last weekend. It was the first birthday in a while that i wasnt all that much looking forward to. But my BEST FRIEND of all time surprised visited. And it was amazing. And waay too short, but SO unbelievably well timed in my life. It was the best present should could have ever given me. When she left I felt sad because i wish we didnt live in different cities and it made me miss her. But i always remember how lucky i am when we do get to see each other... and it's always like no time has passed.

I have lots of busy weekends coming up, as i know i will be needing to travel home to help out with all the stuff at my grandma's old house. I have been doing well with the grief, and i do believe my parents are doing as well as can be expected. But the day after my birthday I called my other grandma to thank her for the birthday card I saw Grandma G' in my phone as i scrolled to Find Grandma V. It made me really sad for some reason. It was the second time i got really sad for no reason; the first time being about cooking and when i realized I cant aske grandma questions anymore about how she makes things. It is such a wierd and uncomfortable feeling. But alas, such is life.

I went to a REAL yoga class yesterday with F at this place and it was amazing. It was an hour and half yoga session and WOW did it feel good. It was hard, really hard, because I am not very flexible... but gosh so relaxing. And at the very end we layed on the grown for about 15 minutes resting and the instructor did Reiki, and ive never experienced it before. The jury is out if it worked, but over all i left feeling really good, and really calm, and in a completely different mood than when i arrived.

This weekend is going to be busy, and the following weekends for a few weeks. This weekend ill be in dayton for some birthdays, and saturday we are helping Matt's dad out to help sell his tractor business at the Cub Tug -- a non professional tractor pull. And actually, i am really looking forward to it. Hopefully there will be some relaxing pool-laying happening this weekend too. The following weekends this month there is a good chance we'll be back home helping at Grandma's house...

I looked at my calendar this morning and realized that in 3 and half months we'll be in EUROPE cruising the Rhine river. I am barely waiting. That vacation couldnt come soon enough!!!


that's all i got for now.... hopefully ill write again soon.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

r-e-l-a-x

I am much more relaxed this week.

Thank GOODness.

Under ordinary circumstances-- and not having had the week i had last week-- i probably would be a little frantic this week at work. This is a busy week for me, but for some reason i feel like id rather handle this than stuff that i dealt with last week. I am calmer today.

My long weekend came at the perfect time and it was very enjoyable! I had Friday thru Monday off work-- i worked all of ONE day last week. Friday I was by myself and i cleaned, i shopped, i relaxed. And at night i went out with E and C, Matt, and a couple others. I got pretty drunk.... more than i tend to want to be but it was much needed! Saturday i woke up, baked a poppy seed cake for my dad (which, by the way, turned out exceptional!), then met M for lunch and a few hours of walking around the square, shopping, eating, tasting wine, talking, it was wonderful. When my parents arrived we went out for a great dinner, walked around town, went to the store and renting a movie. It was so relaxing!

Sunday was much of the same. Everyone got up at thier leisure and we made breakfast together at my house, talked, sat around and relaxed, and then Matt and I took them to the phenomenon known as Jungle Jims. We didn't have a lot of time to spend there, but they haven't been there since all the times they have visited. It was on the way to Uncle Rudy's house where we had a cookout with all of Matt's family. They loved it, they get a long pretty well with matt's family so i think this was just the prescription! They all had to drive back because my dad has SO much work to, but they left around 8 and matt and I stayed for Donny's fireworks, and then drove over to Gina's to watch the Hamilton fireworks from her driveway. It was a family filled day and i loved every minute of it.

Monday matt and I swam in his parents pool and didn't get much done. I RELAXED and that was all i wanted to accomplish. I went to quickly, this week is going to quickly, i cant believe it's mid-july already this weekend. And my birthday. Where did the summer go? Matt says he has something planned, it's a surprise, so i have no idea what my weekend will look like.

But anything is better than the last couple weeks.

Time to get back to work, gotta keep on swimming....

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Better days will come

These past 5 days have been the hardest 5 days i have had in a long time.
Possibly ever.

I was in Chicago saturday and Sunday for an intervention with one of my close friends. I am not ready to discuss details here yet, but it was very, very, very difficult. It was emotionally draining and overwhelming. And on top of a lot of unknowns and travelling i dont know how i did it without falling apart.

During this 36 hour period of emotional stress I got the news that my grandma passed away sunday morning. It was heart breaking. I had to push this pain and sadness so far down to be there for my friend that it made being in Chicago almost unbearable for me. I returned home very, very late Sunday night after driving 6+ hours in torrential down pours, to get in a car again to drive 4 hours to Cleveland for a funeral.

My family has never been so sad. I think this is the first person in my adult life that has died who has such a tremendous influence on all of our lives. She was so close to every single one of us, and has been central in all family functions. And the amazing part, she had her wit and personality all the way until the end. Perhaps this made it harder, but i know when this day came it would be so sad no matter what. It is very difficult on her children-- my dad-- who Ive never seen so sad. I am sad for him. I am sad for me. I am sad for my whole family. My heart hurts a lot right now.

It was a beautiful day yesterday, no clouds, 70 degrees, no humidity. She would have loved it. And a cool wind blew as we said a prayer for her over the grave site. It was a still day except for the breeze and Id like to believe it was her giving us a little sign and a nod that everything is going to be OK.

Grandma wrote an autobiography. I couldn't read it because of the pain, but its incredible. She documents her life, her parents life, and typed it out on a manual type-writer. And then re-typed it 3 times for each of her kids. How amazing is that. She was an amazing woman. She will be missed and the loss in our family is profound. But this day was inevitable, she had to die to be with her sister who she was never without. And now we have an angel in heaven watching over us all.

Please pray for my family to give us peace. Grandma finally is finally home where she belongs.

Better days will come.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

2010

So this year, 2010, has proved to be much more difficult than 2009. I was thinking about it, and actually that i have been so blessed over the last few years that i haven't really been faced with a lot of emotional things. Or perhaps that I have just had a LOT of great things happen to me that its been so much easier focusing on the wonderful to swallow the hard stuff a little easier. I'm not sure how to describe it, I have had a great year and I have grown a lot as a person, as a wife, as a friend, as a daughter, as a daughter-in-law. But this year is, well, full of change.

I had this thought in December, as 2009 came to an end, that that year was incredibly memorable. Life changing really. And the years after college have been unbelievably formative in everything that i have had the opportunity to see and do. This year as i adjust to being married has been full of growing pains. My grandma has been sicker than Ive ever seen her, and ive been to more funerals in the last 6-7 months than I have gone to my entire life. I have grown further apart with some friends that has been rough on my heart, but at the same time growing new connections with other friends. And recently i have been approach by one friend's family to reach out to help in a way that i have never done before. And well i am not ready to discuss the details here yet, this outreach is highly emotionally charged for me right now. I have a lump in my gut about it really because I don't know how it will end, or how it will affect my relationship with this person, so many unknowns. The where, the how, is my role good enough?

It's been tough.

But as i sit here and write this entry, I also have a calming feeling in my heart. I have learned a lot of valuable lessons this year. Lessons i have learned from my husband, my new and old friends, my new in-laws, my family. Lessons that they probably don't even realize they were teaching. And i am in a good place right now, feeling comfortable in my own skin and accepting the turbulence that comes and goes in my life. And i tried as hard as i can to let the highs linger in my head as long as possible. Like the highs of this past weekend at UD reunion, the feeling of being at home right where we all left off 5 years ago. The community, the acceptance, and love.... it;s incredible.

This weekend i am attending a Baptism, my soon-to-be Godson is going to be baptised and I have been thinking all week what we should get him. I read on a website a letter to him when he grows up would be so nice. And so i have been thinking of what i would say to him, what would i include, and maybe cut out some newspapers of what is happening on this day when in many years he will read this. I think i would want to tell him how much i love him, and that i feel so unbelievably privileged to have been asked by your parents to have this role in your life. And that i had Godparents, too, but they never had an impact on me. I will ask him to forgive me for not knowing what it means to be a good Godparent to you, but i will do my darnedest to figure it out. One thing i do know is that learning your relationship with God is not as easy journey, in fact one i am still figuring out to this day. I will not tell you the way to believe, but encourage you to challenge yourself and your relationships you develop with others, yourself, and God every day. The learning is the journey and it's full of rewards (and challenges too). I cant wait to see you grow up, I cant wait to talk to you in a few years to learn about your feelings and perspectives on things because we have a lot to learn in this life and from each other. And before you know it- you're old. They say life happens in a blink of an eye, enjoy it, accept the hardships, embrace the joys, and feel every moment... its those feelings that are the sweet stuff of life. Because what is important in life is the LOVE and PEOPLE, and the two when they converge.

" May you DANCE to the BEAT God placed in your heart"

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Summer time is here

I do believe summer is in full swing.

When a new season comes i find a new love for it every year, and I really do enjoy summer time and being outside, cookouts and swimming pools, festivals, summer parties, long walks on warm evenings. Love.it.all. The past couple weekends i have soaked up all of it, Matt's parents memorial day party and swimming in their pool (which believe it or not is already super warm), we had out first cookout with E and C on sunday night, very last minute, and really it was a perfect night for it. Not to mentioned a cookout the previous night at matt's friend C's.

Matt and I have started undertaking the massive amounts of work in our yard-- however small the yard of ours may be. We probably spent a couple hundred dollars on yard supplies and chemicals to rid the weeds and clover and all the ugliness that surrounds it. And were not done with our purchases either, i think mulch and dirt are still to come once we finish round one. Finding the weekend to spend a good amount of time making progress is tough to do at this time too, every weekend is busy. This weekend is UD reunion weekend, next weekend is Beer Fest and then Ben's baptism and party, the following weekend is Cleveland for P and E's birthday, then it's 4th of july already.

Summer goes to quick. I wish it was just one month longer, but maybe if it were too long i would take it for granted. I am so tired today, i am not sure why. It was an unusually cool morning, i did not want to get out of bed today. Luckily it is Tuesday and no longer Monday. This week looks busy after work with random plans i think about every night. Summer busyness is in ful swing.... hopefully ill be able to post about it more often.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

California

I'm finally back to it. Being away from home for extended periods of time is exhausting-- no matter if it's a vacation or not. I like routine, normalcy, i like to sleep in my own bed.

My trip to California was good, uneventful, so it was good. I flew out Sunday night and didn't get to my hotel and in bed until well after 3:30am EST so I was so exhausted. The week with all the senior level finance people was exhausting, and i hate always feeling like the most junior level person there. And i find that people from DC in the finance world are too uppity-- and into themselves. During round tables and breaks i found myself just waiting for the time to pass, i hate feeling that. At the end, i was ready for my family to arrive and be done with work.

The weekend was nice with my family, we did a lot of stuff in just a short period of time. We went to Napa Valley (which i LOVED) and saw all these vineyards of the wine (and cheap wine) i drink so often. We ate at the Culinary Institute of America right in the heart of Napa, YUM!!! Which was precluded by another amazing meal at Domain Chandon, um, double YUM! The whole weekend was actually spent dining at fantastic places each day. One more notable was a dim sum (sp?) place we went to with my dad's friends on Saturday. It was authentic Chinese, and boy was it oily! I actually liked almost everything we ate, and it was the first time i ever ate chinese dim sum style. We also saw the Golden Gate Bridge, went to China Town, Japan Town, Fisherman's Wharf, Monterey, Carmel, and packed every single day with stuff to do and see. It was exhausting. We went on a Whale Watch in Monteray, and I decided to take some sea sick pills that made me SO drowsy-- so dowsey that it sucked every ounce of energy out of me, so the day in Monterrey was such a strain for me. But it was short, and busy, and i got the most of out it. All in all, it was a good trip.

But i am glad to be back. Lots of things to follow-up on at work, but I am looking forward to the Sex and the City 2 premier tonight with friends. E is coming with me with my old group of friends, so she can put names with faces of the people i talk about. I am so glad she is coming. Then tomorrow is Friday and another long weekend for Memorial Day. I have so much to do, but i am thinking the whole weekend will be fun (and hopefully relaxing).

In other, unrelated news, i got word on Wednesday that my Aunt's husband died of an aneurysms. I feel so sorry for my aunt, i know she is having a tough time right now with everything going on my with my grandma but now this. I am actually still in shock about it, i mean i saw him at Easter and he was fine and his old self. He was kind of a loud, jolly kind of guy always talking about something German. And to think that my aunt's first husband died of an aneurysms too, many years ago. How much heart ache can a person handle in one life time? Unfortunately i cant go to the funeral, i sent flowers this morning and will be thinking about her and my family all day today and tomorrow. Crazy how fast things can change.

Better days will come.