Im back from EUROPE. And lots of thoughts...

I AM BACK from Switzerland, France, Germany and the Netherlands. The Rhine River cruise was amazing and SO restful. In fact, i am pretty sure i havent rested that much since before college. Stops along the way where:
Basel (Switzerland) (for 2 days)
Strausburg (france)
Hiedelburg (Germany)
Kobleze
Rudisheim
Cologne (I LOVED)
Kinderjidk (Netherlands)
Amsterdam.
It was FANTASTIC. I loved Cologne, i loved seeing the enormous Catherdral! And on that day it just so happened to be 11/11, and at 11:11am on 11/11 is Carnivaal.--- the GIGANTIC party with  hundreds of thousands of Germans dressed up in all sorts of crazy outfits drinking and partying in the streets. It was nuts! But so fun to be a part of!

I also loved walking the European streets, and touring castles-- especially the Marksburg Castle-- the only castle in the middle Rhine to never be attacked. It was fascinating!  I loved eating and drinking all the German food and wine, and relaxing on the rhine river watching the cute towns pass by... and seeing lots of castles on the rolling hills as i sit and enjoy a glass of wine.  I loved taking an afternoon with matt and shopping in the lit up of streets in the shopping district in Cologne! It was cold and rainy and getting dark as we dodged in and out of stores havinh a fabulous time!  It was a wonderful memory!  We drank a lot of wine and took lots of afternoon naps, and ate wonderfully cooked meals. It was a great trip! I will post pictures soon!

Lots of things have been on my mind lately. One of which of the major topics is the idea of children. Spending 9 days with my in laws puts a lot of baby impressions all over your brain. Especially since they talk a lot about my nephews. Matt and I have spent a lot of time thinking about the topic, and it's hard to decide when will i be ready? Because some days i think i want to start the family right away, but other times i cant think far enough in the future. I worry about how mature i am, i worry about not being able to relate to a lot of my friends since very few have kids, i worry about my friends falling completely out of my life because of the lack of time i will have available with family.  But then the part of me that wants kids always prevails because i probably know by now who the real friends in my life are, and my family is so unbelievably supportive of us, and i have the most perfect relationship with my sister-in-law that a another niece or nephew would only bring us even closer. It's crazy to be thinking about these things in my life, because just a couple years ago these ideas couldn't have seemed more distant. But it's exciting, and the idea brings a smile to my face.

And speaking of family, there has been a lot of new development on the home front this year in 2010. Not only changing traditions with the loss of my grandma, but a new dad because he sold his company last month.  The company he has put his whole life, marriage, children, and financial stability on the line to make a success for hte last 15 or so years.  It's sold and my dad did make it a success--- i couldn't be more proud of him.  He truly resembles what it means to be an American, to work hard to make a living for yourself out of nothing. And truly it was nothing-- a man who came from a small, fairly poor, family who paid his whole way to make it tthrough college and grad school while working 40+ hours a week. To get a job, start your own company, pourr your heart and soul into it, risking absolutely everything, to make it work.  And it did. Even though many, many sacrifices were made. It makes my sister and i weepy sometimes, and want to tell him how happy we are to have our dad back, and to have been rewarded for his huge accomplishment.  I tear up when i think of how proud i am because he deserve every ounce of success. And my mom, too, who really has made the most sacrifices when my dad was never around working the ungodly hours and never sleeping... for 15 years.

But with great reward there also comes some resentment and entitlement from others.  And this is the feeling that makes me the most disgusted and angry. I cant help but want to yell and scream when i hear some stories, BECAUSE IF THEY ONLY KNEW!!! I dont think anyone knows what sacrifices were made for it, and it angers me to the point is makes my blood boil. I dont want a dime of my dad's success, and i dont want greedy-self righteous- ignorant others have a say in anything.  In fact, i cant think of anything else in the world that could make me more upset.... IF THEY ONLY FUCKING KNEW!!!!!!
I write this now because i hope it's the last time i will feel this way. I dont want another story to hear about, i dont want to even think about it or i will live in the anger. But it's on my mind and I want to live the way my dad lives his life-- with an optimistic and positive outlook on life. And good does and will prevail.