Eat, Pray, Love

For my birthday my best friend C got me a book titled Eat, Pray, Love. C has given me books as gifts before and she continues to never let me down. They generally aren't 'genre' -related, in that i mean they are not like "mysteries, or romance, or biography.' It seems like they are always like a little gem that could be plucked from anywhere in a book store. Generally, books like these tend to captivate me the most. And with this book, C has done it once again. She gave it to me last weekend, and Thursday night at around 11pm i picked it up to start it before i went to bed. These past two nights i have gone to bed after midnight because i always want to read one more chapter. I cant quite figure it out what I love most about this book, it is just starting to develop. Elizabeth Gilbert is the author and her writing is very relatable, she is also very intelligent, and very entertaining. She is a woman in mid to late-thirties and she writes about her personal experiences, starting with her divorce, he career, he house, relationships, etc. And although my experiences are not similar in fact-- they are so similar in how i can visualize myself somewhere and can relate to it in a deep way. I cant describe it. I admire this. I wish i could write like this. It's honest, yet she doesnt reveal a lot of detail. For example, she tells her readers in the beginning about her divorce and how she felt during this time. It's captivating, yet she doesnt go into a single detail about how or why it all happened. It's quite amazing, actually. Writers like these are gifted.

Well, this book is about soul searching, and finding yourself, and finding God. Something I can very much relate to. I am only on page 50 or so, I cant quiet figure out her perspectives yet, but I am very much intrigued. And very jealous. She basically spends a year travelling to Italy, India, and Indonesia to learn about life's little lessons. And then gets a book advance to write about them. Could she be any luckier? I don't ever see myself spending 4 months away living in a different country on a different continent to be able to pick up these spiritual insights. But yet I am thirsty for it. I am always trying to find my strength in God, and improving myself, and improving my relationships. I have a hard time sleeping at night because i cant quiet my mind. Finding and understanding the relationship with yourself and with God it seems like a path to peace. It really has nothing to do heaven and life after death (although, yes, it is written in the scriptures). For those people who don't have this relationship, i wonder why they cant seem the value that is can bring to their lives now. In the quality of your life while you are still living. Life happens fast.

Currently one thing that stirs and picks away at me is friendships in my life. No, they don't really eat away at my heart because I have found some truly deep and meaningful relationships. In fact, i have been extremely blessed when i think of faces of my friends I love. But I constantly find myself wanting to thank them. Maybe "thank" isn't the right word. But make them understand that they effort and thought they have put into our friendship really, really means a lot to me. I find myself leaving conversations with some friends thinking, 'gosh, i hope what i said about something-er-other didn't come out wrong.' Or, I certainly hope they didn't get bored with that i was saying. Or hope what i said about what's it called was appropriate. Basically, all this self- analysis about how the other person has felt or thought during my time with them. I would be at ease if i knew they enjoyed themselves. But no one ever really knows what happens in an other person's head. Therefore, when we depart from the situation or conversation i feel the need to 'thank' them and convey somehow that really enjoyed and appreciate this time spent. And it really meant a lot to me to have some of their time. It's almost like i over-compensate here. At the end. Because sometimes a bad time can be overlooked if something positive results. I am so critical of myself! I feel like understanding myself, loving myself, having a little more faith in who and what I am will allow me silence my mind. It will calm my heart.

I find that those relationships that flurry activity in my head-- again, not speaking of those deep, meaningful best friendships I have cultivated-- but the other friendships that don't reciprocate this feeling back to me. These are the friends that dont put a lot of thought into our relationship. And it's clear. I let this relationship pick at me. Why? I have no idea. For example, this week I have a friend from college who emailed me. She is someone i do consider a friend, we have know each other a while. I am getting married (she is not a bridesmaid) but someone who never really asked me if i needed helping with anything, never came to any of my wedding showers or responded really. Yet, i do consider her a friend. I overlook things and not get upset with them like a rational person should. But she emailed me this week, a short email, to see if we wanted to get together sometime this week and asked me how the shower went this weekend. It was nice of her to ask. I responded with a an email 3 times as long, full of questions back and supportive comments for her-- she is getting married too-- and it was actually a delightful email that i would have loved to receive. This was monday. I responded on Monday. She never responded back. Today is Friday.
I need to be at peace with myself to realize that this is not a reflection back at me.
I struggle with this.

Elizabeth Gilbert says in her book something to effect of not thinking about this situation with your head, but looking at the situation through your heart. I still need to figure out what this means. And how to related it to every day situations. And how to introspectively handle my challenges. Of course, i dont plan on learning all of life's little lessons from this one book. But it certainly is on my mind right now. She is quite inspiring; Perhaps only because she is relatable with her candor engaging her readers in her emotional and cultural tapestry.

I am-- and we all are-- a work in progress.

The Cincinnati Public Library

Last night was another VERY lazy night, it was sunny when I woke up so Matt and I planned on running with his new Forerunner last night and really start kicking butt. Well we spoke at 4:00 and after looking at nothing but green on the radar screen, there wasnt the slightest chance we'd be running. Plus the temperature dropped to the 50s so Iwas cold most of the night, and the only thing i hate more than being cold is being cold and wet. So then on to plan B....

We made dinner (leftover pizza from Sunday, Salad and the last 1.5 pieces of corn of the cobb I had in the fridge). Matt made a make shift pizza that looked horrible- it was bread on a plate with pizza and pesto sauce, pepperoni, and cheese and then stuck it in the microwave. Um, ew. Of course, whenever we eat early after work we are sitting around wondering what to do since the weather wasnt really cooperating for us. Last night matt came up with the great idea to check out the downtown library- the seventh largest libraries in the US. And I believe it, it was huge. We were there for about an hour adn only managed to wind ourselves through the reference area, the computer area, and the 'popular libary' as they call it. We were on the hunt for a book we could read together. So, Fiction or Non-Fiction, Matt? He said Non-Fiction so off we went to dig through the 10 shelves of 'popular non-fiction.' I was very open to whatever matt wanted to read... as long it wasnt an investment book that would be slow and not that interesting. And not to mention i had bought Alan Greenspan's book for him a few months ago that he has barely started.

He actually picked out two books for us. And i was thrilled, Matt doesnt really like to sit down and read too often (besides the internet news and reference). He found a book about Ultrametabolism and one about a girl who has a perfect memory and hasnt forgotten a day in her life. The Ultrametabolism was for me (of course), but the biographic-type was for the both of us... and so far last night we read about 20 pages in. I love reading togehter.... even though getting used to reading outloud has been an adjustment for the two of us. I love the bonding time and how we can wind down before bed. I really do hope this tradition continues.

And here is some words of advice...whenever you get a new library card always tell the librarian that your address on your drivers liscence is your current address. Both matt nor I had cards so they need this info from us.... matt just said his ID was correct. I-- was honest-- and said not this isnt but I can give it to her. The lady across the counter said no no the only other way to get a card was to bring a bill (no more than 1 month old) and electric statement (no >1 month old) and a few other items i CLEARLY wouldn't be carrying on a normal basis. I don't know why, but for some reason i took some offense to the rejection (perhaps its that certain time of the month) and got a little unnerved by this lady's complete UNWILLINGNESS to be the public servant that she is and get more people to the public libraries. I even got a little snooty and said, "well, then this IS my current address." If clearly all she needs is some verbal contract that this is a current address-- I was giving her just that. Its not like I am a homeless man ready to check out 100 books and run up 700 bucks in fines and never come back. Do I LOOK LIKE SOMEONE LIKE THAT??? I mean, COME ON WOMAN!!! I tried working with this lady and i dug through my purse to give her any verification that I am not a fraud, my govt ID? a business card? , NO, no. She even stopped responding to me at one point. I dont know what got into me. and i really wasn't acting angry at the lady, I was speaking in a totally normal voice; however, I was kind of disgusted at the system and said to matt in front of the lady that i apparently needed to get a new drivers license in order to take out library books. Yes, i could have been more polite, i admit it. OK so matt had to check out our two books and i went home rejected from the Cincinnati Public Library.....next time ill be better I promise