Monday, June 15, 2015

Quotable Post

So I have this idea that I want to paint wonderful, inspiring, and loving quotes on the walls  to bring happiness and joy into my kids room. Quotes from famous people, spiritual teachers, and just wonderful words that I think have meaning. I heard 'quotables' and I never write them down, and when you actually go and look for such quotes you can never find them. They come when you are not looking for it. The thought behind this is to have something for the kids to read in those moments, and the right words always seem to find you when you need it the most. Words that you can live by, and wouldn't it be wonderful to have some of the first words you can read-- likely the ones painted hugely all over your bedroom walls-- be words that matter. When you are lying in bed before you fall asleep, or just resting before you get in up the morning. Words that will inspire you, rebuild you, lift you up, make a different in your life and others.  It's a simple thing to do, that can appear ever so minor, but matter when perhaps it really needs to matter.

People who know me know I am not crafty, I don't do party themes, I don't do monograms around my house-things- kids clothes, I don't do 'cutesty' projects around my house. Maybe I justify it with my practicality, I tend to use the time spent creating such "things" and use it towards investing in people. The bottom line is we wont need things, things are just things. And in my house, I want an environment where "WE" matter most not what we have. There will always be things we don't have or want to have, but we all know we wont be happier once we have it. We are happiest when we aren't thinking about what we dont have, but in the moment we are in and the people we are with.  I want the home to be the 'home' and just that.  A place where you can be you, be loved unconditionally, and just be.   I want my kids to grow up knowing they can be whatever they want to be. But what I want most for them is to love themselves, and be kind to themselves, and know they can be whatever it is they are.  Because I want them to be happy in whatever it is they do. I want them to grow and flourish and become good citizens. I want them to be stewards of this earth to create good, even if it is in the smallest place.  I want them to find happiness no matter where they are, and hopefully a little piece of 'home'  will always be with them. It will always be in their heart. Just like the true meaning of the Wizard of Oz, you will always be wearing those red slippers and to know you are wearing them and they are with you no matter where the yellow brick road takes you.

I say every day to my husband and boys how much I love them. I tell them they are so important to me, and they I am so lucky to get to be their mom (and my husband's wife).  I know they are wonderful people, they inspire me, they create me, they make me want to be a better person. I know I can be a role model for them, but they are also one for me.  I see their hearts in everything they do,  and frankly when I think of the wondrousness of that it makes me want to weep.   They are the people that give my life meaning, they are they ones that fill me up when I am feeling half empty, they are the ones that can make me feel vulnerable, they are the ones that propel me in this world.   If I can build upon a piece of their hearts that can make them feel worthy, and loved, and respected then then that in turn will go back out into the world.  It is easy to be kind when your heart is peaceful.  You are kinder to yourself.  When you believe in yourself you are more likely to succeed. Believing you matter and you belong in the space you in. And you can change the space you are in just by being there. You can create any space you want, and the energy it provides.  You are the light no matter where you are.  And I am so grateful for having it in my life. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

" Remember you are the ONE who can fill the WORLD with Sunshine" - Snow White
" If there is light in your heart, you will find your way home" - Rumi

Monday, June 8, 2015

Dear Nick and Chris-- Months 42 and 18

Dear My Most favorite little people in the whole world Nick and Chris,

Since your birthdays are just two weeks apart I figured I would start combining my letters to you. Not because you don't deserve your own individual attention to regard all your abilities, victories, awesomeness, but because being together also makes you perfectly wonderful as well. You guys spend a LOT of time together,  you are interwoven into each other's lives and have unlimited influences on each other.  I am not sure where to start.

Aside from the fact that whenever you are not with each other, you both ask where the other is. Chris says a lot of words but saying "nick" was one of the first he formed.  You love to chase each other around, play hide and seek, steal each other's toys, swing together, slide together, play t-ball in the backyard together,  if it can be done simultaneously you both are doing it together. I know you don't realize how much you rely on each other, but you will. Your bond is unique and special, and seeing you both interact makes me prouder than anyone on the face of the planet.

Chris has so many traits and characteristics that I saw in Nick when he was the same age. It's kind of remarkable, and when I only have him around I sort of feel like I am time traveling. His love of playing with balls and joy of Mickey is endless. Just like it was for Nick. Now we just have to add snoopy to the mix, he's your favorite little guy to snuggle with. Although you call him "poopy," and it's insanely adorable. Nick always calls you out though, " you are saying a potty word." Just yesterday we started working on your "s' sounds, so in like fashion, now you say "sssssss. Poopy!"   insert large swoon here. I cant handle the cuteness.

There are so many down right adorable things chris does right now. The newness of everything is incredible to watch. You are both adventurous, reserved, and laid back all at the same time.  You love to see new place and experience new things, but you love to be with mommy, and have a sound sense for danger. But also go with the flow in just about all occasions. Remarkably actually. A perfect example is just yesterday morning as I was getting up with you both, I noticed my phone was almost dead since it was sitting in rice overnight to potentially dry out any damage it might have incurred when you conveniently started dunking it in your water table the night before during dinner outside. Luckily it seemed to be in working order, just with a grain of rice lodged perfectly in the hole for the charger. I was flustered,  daddy was flustered at me, and I was multi-tasking not realizing you were sitting on the table with an unopened yogurt and no spoon. For minutes actually while I flailed around the kitchen like a chicken with its head cut off.  But you sat patiently, not yelling, not screaming, just sitting there saying "spoon" "spoon" spoon" multiple times hoping to be heard by SOMEONE.  You, my little one, are amazing! That story personifies you perfectly. Gosh, I could learn so much from  YOU!

Your word count is past countable. You say more words now than I can begin recalling. And even put 2-3 word sentences together now.  You are very vocal, and sing now too.  You are a great sleeper and I catch you in your crib in the morning just chatting away to poopy or singing. It makes my heart sing listening to you.  You love to swing, you love to dance, you love music, you love to be outside, you love being around people who love you. But you are still hesitant about swimming-- luckily the summer is young.

And hopefully brother Nick can inspire you to get the pool. Being active and athletic appears to be one of Nick's strengths.  You have always been great with throwing and catching balls, you seems to be pretty good at blast ball this summer, running fast is something you excel in too. Literally.  You have a good sense of where your body is and sense of awareness. It impresses me.  However team sports still require a sense of humility that probably doesn't develop until after 3.5 years old ;-).  You are one VERY skinny kid, sometimes there are days you hardly eat anything and you have more energy to fill a baseball stadium. I don't know how you do it, but after swimming you tend to get SO cold so quickly. Poor little dude.

Not only are your thriving physically, you are also developing emotionally and mentally as well. I have a good feeling that you will be an early reader. You know all your letters and numbers, and you seem to really pick up on concepts well. Putting letter sounds together, associating numbers with meanings, and even have a concept of the clock and time. I think  these things are advanced for your age.  You really make us proud all the time with the things you say.  I often am shocked with your understanding of emotions as well, you are a very sensitive kid right now. And it's beautiful.

Aside from the fact that I think you both are probably the cutest kids ever put on the planet, I do want to document some stats for you both.

Detail                  Nick                              Chris
Weight                 ~35lbs +                       ~30lbs +
Height                   ~40 in                           ~33 in
Teeth                      20 (full mouth)              12-13 (haven't counted in a while)
Favorite food          hot dogs, chicken          yogurt, spaghetti,
                                nuggets, yogurt              cereal, sesame butter

Monday, June 1, 2015

No awards here

This parenting thing--- it's one INSANELY wild ride.  There are always unforeseen turns and loops, and twists that can downright throw you.   With two kids and a little under 3.5 years of parenting under my belt, who knows what's in-store. I read all my new-mom pregnant friends posting about their reviews of baby "items" and their picture perfect nursery and post gobs of pictures all over social media about where they made their purchases and  want to hurl my 3" shoe heal right through the computer screen because never have they been SO far off base of what is REALLY important. Your baby doesn't care what shade of pink you have the walls, or the matching curtains and bookcases, your baby will never remember it, and frankly--the perfectly organized diapers, creams, and drawers will never look like that again once there is an actual HUMAN living in there.   You don't have kids to have an audience to fulfill you own contentment's. With that said, when the rubber really meets the road, you can NEVER prepare for it. So stop the organizing, painting, picture-taking of all your time wasting  money wasting endeavors, and start preparing your heart for what's to come.

I have no  idea where to start with that, except for the trials you will endure will have you questioning every part of your being.  For example, JUST this morning my husband dropped Nick off at preschool and it was his first day in the Flamingo room, and I didn't know about it! Frankly-- they didn't send anything home about transition week or anything, and Nick is a child that likes "to know!" He needs preparation, he likes to know what's coming. And frankly, who doesn't?  But I am feeling awful this morning, because last night as we were getting ready for bed he was telling me that he doesn't like going there and would really like to stay home, so in in good nature I decided to walk through the day for him. Tell him about the morning, and where he will eat breakfast, and talk about what might be on the menu. All to prepare him and feel better about Monday and going to school. And ALL of it for naught, because he was thrown into a NEW room today!!! I am feeling like a terrible mommy, and guilty, and so sad for  my little man who I feel like is already losing trust in me when I left him last week to go to Hawaii for my dad's wedding. I know how that little man operates, and he was definitely not settled when I left. We are best buds, it hurt me to leave more than he could possibly know.

I don't know where I was going with this post, other than to vent about how hard it is to be a parent knowing all you want is your child to be OK, happy, and well-adjusted. And then you run into all your shortcomings.  If only there was a recipe to follow to make it happen, but there isn't.  I want to say that LOVE is all you really need; but frankly the love I have for my family oozes out of me veins and grows and grows with every breath I take, but one slip up can leave me drowning.  And I know I wont ever win any awards for the best decorated nursery, or the cutest play room, or basically anything crafty or creative. Frankly, the time I have free and unscheduled in my life is spent putting one foot in front of the other, and definitely no thinking planning the next step-- or next project-- or anything. But being. And living, and frankly just trying the best I can.... hoping my kids do the same.