Thursday, September 3, 2015

Faith part 2

So three years ago I wrote this post about faith and love, and this little girl named Anna who would pass away three years ago this past Tuesday, September 1st. When my friends were remembering her on facebook this week I found myself reflecting on what I felt that very day. And one thing I've never shared here was the conversation I had with Matt that night about God. And His very existence. I know I was feeling extra emotional, wondering why someone I had never met made me feel so profoundly sad-- and question the very existence of God.  I was driving home that day from work thinking about her, and I told Matt that I saw a rainbow as big as can be that day. I remember it now so vividly, it was a perfectly hot and sunny day (much like it  has been this week), and the rainbow was right in front me and it stretched right over the highway end to end.  To this day I haven't seen another rainbow like that, or one that was end to end.  Matt told me that night that if I couldn't find God in that he doesn't know what else could. It's funny how that never dawned on me, but I think about that rainbow a lot.

Especially recently, I want it to inspire me. I want to keep remembering it, even though a lot of days I don't think of it or even come close to thinking of it. I have been so wrapped up in my own thoughts and problems, most nights lately I just crash before bedtime glad to be done with the day.  I want to be inspired though; I want it to keep me positive, I want it to help me pray more, I want it to keep me moving towards being the best mom I can be. How do I do that?

I wanted to write again this week to share this story about Nick last week. He always likes to pick pretty flowers for me and give them to me no matter where they are, I know he love for the thoughtfulness of it. Well after dinner one night out of the total blue he reached waaaay into his little pocket and pulled out a whilty little flower than he picked for me at school that day. He was thinking of me, put it in his pocket for later, and gave it to me. I almost felt into tears it was so sweet. I think of him all day long, and my heart almost bursts when I know they do too.  I know what I need to do, I need to be home with my kids. To guide them, nourish them, inspire them, challenge them, discipline them, love them... I need to be there. I need to put my faith in God to hope that everything works out, despite all the challenges that lie on our road ahead.

RIP Anna. May God continue to bless us.