Better days will come

These past 5 days have been the hardest 5 days i have had in a long time.
Possibly ever.

I was in Chicago saturday and Sunday for an intervention with one of my close friends. I am not ready to discuss details here yet, but it was very, very, very difficult. It was emotionally draining and overwhelming. And on top of a lot of unknowns and travelling i dont know how i did it without falling apart.

During this 36 hour period of emotional stress I got the news that my grandma passed away sunday morning. It was heart breaking. I had to push this pain and sadness so far down to be there for my friend that it made being in Chicago almost unbearable for me. I returned home very, very late Sunday night after driving 6+ hours in torrential down pours, to get in a car again to drive 4 hours to Cleveland for a funeral.

My family has never been so sad. I think this is the first person in my adult life that has died who has such a tremendous influence on all of our lives. She was so close to every single one of us, and has been central in all family functions. And the amazing part, she had her wit and personality all the way until the end. Perhaps this made it harder, but i know when this day came it would be so sad no matter what. It is very difficult on her children-- my dad-- who Ive never seen so sad. I am sad for him. I am sad for me. I am sad for my whole family. My heart hurts a lot right now.

It was a beautiful day yesterday, no clouds, 70 degrees, no humidity. She would have loved it. And a cool wind blew as we said a prayer for her over the grave site. It was a still day except for the breeze and Id like to believe it was her giving us a little sign and a nod that everything is going to be OK.

Grandma wrote an autobiography. I couldn't read it because of the pain, but its incredible. She documents her life, her parents life, and typed it out on a manual type-writer. And then re-typed it 3 times for each of her kids. How amazing is that. She was an amazing woman. She will be missed and the loss in our family is profound. But this day was inevitable, she had to die to be with her sister who she was never without. And now we have an angel in heaven watching over us all.

Please pray for my family to give us peace. Grandma finally is finally home where she belongs.

Better days will come.