Things here always remain interesting, and of course, ever-changing. I am not sure what gaps to fill-in since the last post, but i sure have been busy. Highlights/low lights probably include some long days standing in Matt's dad's garage writing off goodwill, eating out with friends, trivia night, having friends over to dinner, gosh who knows. This weekend New York City is in my plans to visit my sister and my entire family has been looking forward to this long weekend since before Christmas.
here is the thing. One of my good friend's dad is dying of pancreatic cancer. Yes, he was diagnosed a while ago and he has been deteriorating every since she went on sabbatical from work back in August. However, she is home again because her dad was admitted into hospice and the nurses do believe this is probably the end. It's horrible, he isn't eating, he is heavily sedated with pain meds, and the whole family is just bracing for a peaceful passing. This girl was in my wedding, obviously not just an acquaintance. No, what do i do? If he dies and the funeral is this weekend what do i do with these non-refundable $300+ plane tickets and all the plans over the weekend? I sound like an awful person even posting the question. Matt thinks i should go, but it's his logic talking. My heart is so heavy not knowing when it will happen and what the right thing to do in this situation is. It's heavy thinking about my friend. It's a tough week.... Please send some advice if anyone is out there.
3 comments:
blog hugs for you.
death is hard...have you talked to your friend about this? i think that would be my advice. because i dont know what your relationship with her is. but, i think that what i would say if i were in your shoes is to first ask her how she is doing, and then ask her what she needs. tell her that you know that there is a potential that you could be out of town when the funeral happens, but that you are willing , if she needs you to, to stay. if she says 'no no you go on the trip' then what i would say is, can i still be a support for you? can i cook your mom and you dinner? can i watch your dog/cat/child? and then, i would write her and her mom a letter telling them how much you appreciated being able to know their family etc.
the reason i come from this corner is...that if i were her, having my friends at the actual service while appreciated would also be more pressure on me. and if i knew that one of them had given up a trip that they'd paid for...i'd have that guilt going on too. i would rather concentrate on my family. so....she may appreciate you being there, but may also appreciate the space? i dont know. i'm an odd person who sometimes doesnt think like everyone else.
hope things work out :-( my condolences to your friend
. It is a sad situation for your friend and her family. I work in a nursing home so I see people come and go often. It isn't an easy process for anyone but with the proper comfort meds it can be a gentle passing. if he does pass this weekend likely they will not have the funeral for another week. Funerals take time to put together. You can probably go on your trip but offer to be there for her when she needs you. Everyone will swarm the family of the deceased...and then a month later they will find themselves more alone and that's when they need someone, often.
My Dad passed of brain cancer several years ago. It was eleven months from the day he found out he had it to the day he passed. He became paralized on the right half of his body and had to spend the last seven months in a nursing home with my Mom by his side everyday from 9am to 9pm. The last six weeks he was in hospice with angels caring for him while we sat by his side and talked and cried and talked and sat in silence. Talk to your friend on the phone now-- He will pass when it is time. Tell your friend that your thoughts and prayers are with her, and let her know that in a month or so after his passing- you will be there to spend a weekend together. She has all the friends and family members now with her.She will need to GET AWAY and that's when she will need you the most!! That is when you can cry together and let her talk about her loss. She will need for you to listen to her as she pours out her heart. That's what a true friend can do!!
God Bless!
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