The day before Thanksgiving post

 It's the Wednesday before thanksgiving-- or as some say, tanksgiving-- and i am sitting here at work thinking about how i will write my giving thanks post (that i have written i think every year since i started this blog). And no, it's not that i don't have a lot of be thankful for this year but more like where do i start?

One of the first thing that came to mind was how this year i feel like i just did NO giving back. I mean i didn't do any kind of service project,  or anything that i think really made a difference. I hope next year will be different, or at least maybe i can find something work recognizing.  That should be on my year in review and another new years resolution.

This year, like in years past, Matt and I have decided to spend the actual holiday with his family and take friday off to drive up to see mine. I really did struggle with it this year since i thought maybe id want to be around my family to celebrate my grandma's life.  But in a way, i am giving thanks for the wonderful years i got to have with her instead of recognizing that we have lost her. 
SO!
Lets start somewhere:
(in no particular order)

1) Of course my wonderful husband

2) My in-laws
3)The great friends i have been able to get even closer with this year (specifically C, E, J, C, L, and G)....  You have made a difference in my life this year.
4) Becoming a Godparent, what a privilege.

5) My health
6) The health of those closest to me
7) Financial stability-- which i am ever more appreciating
8) My beautiful Odie

9) Being able to find happiness.


So here's so another great thanksgiving holiday! And I CANT WAIT to start decorating for Christmas!!

Im back from EUROPE. And lots of thoughts...

I AM BACK from Switzerland, France, Germany and the Netherlands. The Rhine River cruise was amazing and SO restful. In fact, i am pretty sure i havent rested that much since before college. Stops along the way where:
Basel (Switzerland) (for 2 days)
Strausburg (france)
Hiedelburg (Germany)
Kobleze
Rudisheim
Cologne (I LOVED)
Kinderjidk (Netherlands)
Amsterdam.
It was FANTASTIC. I loved Cologne, i loved seeing the enormous Catherdral! And on that day it just so happened to be 11/11, and at 11:11am on 11/11 is Carnivaal.--- the GIGANTIC party with  hundreds of thousands of Germans dressed up in all sorts of crazy outfits drinking and partying in the streets. It was nuts! But so fun to be a part of!

I also loved walking the European streets, and touring castles-- especially the Marksburg Castle-- the only castle in the middle Rhine to never be attacked. It was fascinating!  I loved eating and drinking all the German food and wine, and relaxing on the rhine river watching the cute towns pass by... and seeing lots of castles on the rolling hills as i sit and enjoy a glass of wine.  I loved taking an afternoon with matt and shopping in the lit up of streets in the shopping district in Cologne! It was cold and rainy and getting dark as we dodged in and out of stores havinh a fabulous time!  It was a wonderful memory!  We drank a lot of wine and took lots of afternoon naps, and ate wonderfully cooked meals. It was a great trip! I will post pictures soon!

Lots of things have been on my mind lately. One of which of the major topics is the idea of children. Spending 9 days with my in laws puts a lot of baby impressions all over your brain. Especially since they talk a lot about my nephews. Matt and I have spent a lot of time thinking about the topic, and it's hard to decide when will i be ready? Because some days i think i want to start the family right away, but other times i cant think far enough in the future. I worry about how mature i am, i worry about not being able to relate to a lot of my friends since very few have kids, i worry about my friends falling completely out of my life because of the lack of time i will have available with family.  But then the part of me that wants kids always prevails because i probably know by now who the real friends in my life are, and my family is so unbelievably supportive of us, and i have the most perfect relationship with my sister-in-law that a another niece or nephew would only bring us even closer. It's crazy to be thinking about these things in my life, because just a couple years ago these ideas couldn't have seemed more distant. But it's exciting, and the idea brings a smile to my face.

And speaking of family, there has been a lot of new development on the home front this year in 2010. Not only changing traditions with the loss of my grandma, but a new dad because he sold his company last month.  The company he has put his whole life, marriage, children, and financial stability on the line to make a success for hte last 15 or so years.  It's sold and my dad did make it a success--- i couldn't be more proud of him.  He truly resembles what it means to be an American, to work hard to make a living for yourself out of nothing. And truly it was nothing-- a man who came from a small, fairly poor, family who paid his whole way to make it tthrough college and grad school while working 40+ hours a week. To get a job, start your own company, pourr your heart and soul into it, risking absolutely everything, to make it work.  And it did. Even though many, many sacrifices were made. It makes my sister and i weepy sometimes, and want to tell him how happy we are to have our dad back, and to have been rewarded for his huge accomplishment.  I tear up when i think of how proud i am because he deserve every ounce of success. And my mom, too, who really has made the most sacrifices when my dad was never around working the ungodly hours and never sleeping... for 15 years.

But with great reward there also comes some resentment and entitlement from others.  And this is the feeling that makes me the most disgusted and angry. I cant help but want to yell and scream when i hear some stories, BECAUSE IF THEY ONLY KNEW!!! I dont think anyone knows what sacrifices were made for it, and it angers me to the point is makes my blood boil. I dont want a dime of my dad's success, and i dont want greedy-self righteous- ignorant others have a say in anything.  In fact, i cant think of anything else in the world that could make me more upset.... IF THEY ONLY FUCKING KNEW!!!!!!
I write this now because i hope it's the last time i will feel this way. I dont want another story to hear about, i dont want to even think about it or i will live in the anger. But it's on my mind and I want to live the way my dad lives his life-- with an optimistic and positive outlook on life. And good does and will prevail.

Halloween weekend recap

Happy first day of November! I cant believe Halloween has already come and gone. What a busy- but super fun- weekend it was. I was so busy all last week/weekend that Monday is soo unbelievably tiring.

Last weekend we carved pumpkins with some good friends.

Even went out for sushi and 4 hour dinner with Seabass and had a great time.

Drove to Cleveland and spent a wonderful celebratory weekend with my family.

And i saw my best friend and her boyfriend Saturday day afternoon.

Even went to a halloween party at P and E's and had a great time with everyone. We ended up being Gilligan;s island

Had a great brunch with my family before we drove home on Sunday.

Hung out with Matt outside waiting for trick or treaters Sunday night together.

Then our good friends came over around 8, C C E and J, and they brought over all the fixins to make homemade pizzas. 6 homemade pizzas to be exact, with fresh ingredients, and the boys did all the work while the girls just hung out and drank wine! And then we played games and i went to bed waay too late for a work day.

But it really was an absolutely PERFECT weekend.

Best weekend to have before I eagerly anticipate and exciting vacation on thursday!!

AND THEN IS almost the HOLIDAY SEASON!!

I love this time of the year:)

Until next time....

Just another manic Mweek...

Why do I always feel so over committed??

That is really what it all boils down to, maybe it is because I AM OVER COMMITTED!

This week i just cant fit in everything that i need to do, and i am just too busy and stressed out trying to fit it all in all i can focus on is how stressed i am. It's like the week is a blurry ball of, well, blurriness. I got back from a FANTASTIC weekend in Mammoth cave with some great friends on Sunday and literally DID. ABSOLUTELY.NOTHING. I really should have not laid around so much. Here is what i have to accomplish this week:
Buy present for nephew's birthday
Get Oil Changed
Find Halloween costume (which could be way more time consuming than intended)
Buy a new dishwasher
Go to the grocery
and of course, go to the gym, right? Which then spirals into basic grooming like showering and washing my hair. And o wait, lets not forget about that things that takes a lot of time, oh, WORK! But before you queue the violins, i forgot to tell you about all the commitments i made AFTER WORK. Yesterday it was dinner with J and S, tonight it is pumpkin carving, Wednesday is Broadway play night, and thursday i am having dinner with Seabass who i havent spent ANY time with since, well the event i dont talk about that happened in June. Finally on friday we have to drive up to Cleveland. And i cant cancel the trip to cleveland because Odie has plans to stay there for 2 weeks so my parents can dog sit while we are on vacation next week. O ya, and we cant forget that i want to hit the gym after work. If i can go to the gym i just feel like all is well with the world.

This weekend is busy if we get up to cleveland friday night (that whole day is shot). then saturday is hangout with my parents/make something for the party on saturday night, and sunday get up early and drive down to cinci to see our nephew for his birthday 'gathering' but still make it down in time to see the trick or treaters in my neighborhood. This is just so much i want to do, and i dont want to sacrifice any of it. NEXT WEEK I AM MAKING NO PLANS!! In fact, i have plans with myself.

So back to work for me.... this work week was supposed to be slow and easy but it definitely is not. I am swamped and stressed. Next week should be better, although i have a feeling that i will be so busy leading up to Thursday and getting ready for the trip. Hopefully it will be excited busy though.

Today was a nervous day at work because 'The Storm' was all over the news and weather reports. And of course, i thought it would be nice to save time to pick up our cars in Springdale where we 'had to bring them for service' according to matt because we 'had to go to gateway tire' and COMPLETELY inconvenience me. So we took a long lunch right before 'The Storm' to retrieve both cars. And all the way up there we heard sirens on the radio, while we paid for our cars the news for glaring warnings for 'The Storm' and finally, on the way back south there was a count down for when The Storm would arrive in the metro area. Which of course made me a wreck because all i could think about was an image of myself, in my work clothes- supposed to be at work-- but tucked under a bridge in torrential down pours waiting for the supposed tornado to pass. Am i Nuts? it didnt happen, but of course all the way to when i pulled into the building my hands were literally shaking with fear and anticipation. And ya know what? The Storm wasnt even that bad at all. Ya, it was pretty windy, and there was a LOT of rain... but screw the build-up. UGH!

Like i was in a state today to handle more stress?

I need a break, this whole post made no sense.....


Time to try to make sense of my work day....

Updates! 101 things and the weekend

It's been a pretty good start to the week after a pretty great weekend. RELAX was the word, but not too boring, and just the right amount of fun. Im happy to see Monday, it's a shorter week for me as one full day will be spent at OSU recruiting at thier career fair. And for once- the craziness has slooowed. Almost to a complete halt today. But it's nice, i am catching my breath.

So this weekend: a small recap! Friday matt and I got into a huge screaming fight about complications involving logistics for our trip this coming weekend to Mammoth Cave. But luckily, we put in in a box and we able to enjoy a nice trip up to his parents house to see his dad after his trip to China last week. It was nice, I got to see my nephews, talk to J, and have a fun dinner and enjoy an ice cold beer to relax me a bit. The night ended up on an upswing. Saturday was slow starting, Matt and I went out to lunch at Rusty Bucket and chilled most of the day before we met up for a double date with J and V at Ichiban at 9 for HALF PRICE SUSHI!! Which we have now realized is seriously the best deal in town. Not to mention the sushi is aaah-mazing! We also went to a haunted house!! Yay for Halloween! We drove to teh west side to go to the Dent School house-- which is apparently rated as one of the best in the country. We paid an extra $10 a ticket and by-passed a 2+ hour line. WE all had a blast!! We went back to J's house and started playing the new edition of monopoly and drank wine until 2:30am. It was a late night but an absolutely wonderful one:) Finally, on Sunday matt got up to meet his brothers to talk LLC stuff while i got to have a relaxing Sunday by myself for a few hours. I watched felicity as i did loads of laundry, cleaned up some around the house, played with Odie, and then went to workout and go to a spin class in the middle of the afternoon. Have i mentioned it here how much i LOVE spinning? I LOVE SPINNING!! Then came home and showered and drove to matt's parents for another enjoyable evening. An evening where we couldn't stop talking about how excited we are for vacation! It was a wonderful wonderful weekend... and the weather was warm and perfect!


So, it's been since July 27th since I created this list. I think i should status what i wrote almost 90 days in? Lets see:

I will put Completed Items in Purple



In NO particular order... here goes: My 101 things!
1) Do more Yoga and get good at it
2) Lose 10 pounds
3) cook more-- learn more healthy recipes
4) Write more letters to my friends
5)Learn more things to do with my hair
6) Start an in-house project
7) Take a cooking class
8) Take a cake decorating class
9) Take a spinning class (i have been too scared to try it)
10) Read more books
11)Travel
12) Have another cookout
13) Go cabining
14) Go to Mammoth Cave
15)Make a Wedding Album *
16) Preserve my wedding Dress
17) Print a mural wedding picture
18) Pull out the large ugly shrubs on the side of my house
19) Re-plant the side of my house
20)Plan a trip to visit my sister
21)Host a dinner party
22) Babysit my nephews more
23)Get more involved with my Church
24) Go to church more frequently
25) Try to recover my old pictures and files from my broken laptop
26)Wear more colors to work (besides varying shades of white, black and grey)
27)Play tennis again
28) Play a game of racquetball
29) Start going to bed earlier
30)Try to keep up with laundry more during the week
31) Blog more frequently
32) Take Odie to the dog park
34)Update my address book
35) Think about buying a new house
37) Go on more dates with my husband
38) Update my iPod
39)Update my resume
40)Buy window treatments for my dining room
41)Go on more walks
42)buy my Mom flowers
43)Delete old numbers in my cell phone
44) make a home cooked meal for my good friend's family in need
45)Learn to listen better
46) Say Thank you to much husband more
47)Pay off my student loans
48) Take some more time for me
49) Take one big trip with Matt before we have kids
50) Visit my parents more
51)Complain less about work
52) Hang more pictures in my house
53)Clean the garage
54) Go the the Art Museum
55) Go to the Krohn Conservatory
56) Go Apple Picking
57) Go to the pumpkin patch
58) Buy a new pair of Mizunos
59) Organize my inbox at work-- delete more emails
60) Organize my inbox at home-- delete more emails
61)Buy more nail polish
62)Read the news more
63)

Life or something like it

So work has been unusually stressful the last couple weeks, and i was accused of being pushy last week. Excuse me for having high expectations of people, and expecting that people put in the same effort that I do. Well, apparently i have been shaken by it.... and now i am worried that i am being pushy all the time. I check with my boss and she says i am doing great and just doing my job, but I cant help it. It takes me back to college, especially business school, where we had groups projects in just about every class. I know i was perceived as pushy in college by some team members, but now that i think about it those people were NOT like me at all. I often was the group leader, and i ALWAYS picked up the slack of the poor performer. I think about this because i requested my transcripts the other day for a job application and it brought me back to thinking about my long days in the library, my study habits, my relationships with my teachers, and-- not to brag-- but my success. Where am I now? How have i changed? or have i?

I have been thinking a lot about my old college days a lot lately. I am not sure why, maybe because i recently started watching old episodes of Felicity and it really reminds me of my experience. And the friends i made. The the extremely formative period in my life it was. I think back on those 4 (5) years and i feel the feelings and happiness that i had then. Ya, i know some times were hard but i honestly dont think i would have changed a single thing. Sometimes i wish i could re-create some of the same opportunities. Like opportunities to get to graded, and opportunities to meet people, opportunities to make an impact. I was SO involved back then. I cant even name off all the clubs and groups i was involved in. I recall having stuff going on almost every night of the week. On top of spending insane amounts of time just being with friends. Even though things really were great back then, they were difficult because all everyone including myself was trying to do was make it and figure themselves out along the way. Figuring out how to be independent and what you want to do in life. And who i am.

I dont know what got lost through the generations, or maybe things have always been like this, but it seems like the age of searching for self is getting older. It's not the teens, or the twenties, but maybe even older? If we are not busy calculating others, it's our own selves that leave us the most puzzled and confused. Why is this?Is there a guide to soul searching? Or is there even such thing?

I am really happy where i am right now, really. I am sure i am going to look back on these days, in my house now, in my job right now and think how great things were. But how come sometimes it takes hind sight to see what we have. I wonder what it was like a day in my grandma's eyes, she never really complained about her life or how hard things are (or were). She had opinions, but never complaints. And i know she lead one happy and fulfilled life. But when do you know it? Does it take looking back as a 90 year old woman?

So i guess i am sort of making a pack with myself. To do every day improvements. Well, conscientious improvements. Lately i have found working out has helped my mood and my spirit. Being with certain friends has helped my mood. But i also find that entertaining really sucks the energy out of me... and this never was the case. Like the constant awareness of how i am presenting myself, how others are feeling, and what can be doing to make sure everyone is OK and an enjoying themselves. And then trying to cover this heightened awareness.... it's all exhausting. I want to improve.

Last night i took my very first spinning class and i absolutely LOVED it. It was hard, but this is going to get incorporated into my weekly life. I know this is a selfish improvement, but bettering the soul starts with a little bit of selfishness.

And her is a a really good song my coworker L sent me. I love it! It's not fitting-- in fact quite the opposite. But nonetheless....

more soon.

Busy time of the work year

It's one of the busiest times of the year for me as the government fiscal year just came to a close. There is a lot of stuff going on at work, but at least the days have gone by fast. It's still hard to believe that it is October here already. I think fall weather had finally arrived too, it's been really chilly here over the last few days. Although its supposed to move back into the 70s this week.


Matt and I picked out our pumpkins last weekend at Lynd Farm-- our annual tradition now 4 (?) years running and picked apples too. We love it there. Although the pumpkins were not as big this year, i have a feeling it had something to do with the draught. It was a good weekend, we even went out friday night for E's birthday at the Pub and went all the way up to Cleveland too. We went to the Browns Bengals game with the usual crew and tailgated beforehand. It was a great game and the Browns left victoriously!

It was perfect fall weather this weekend and pretty chilly at the game. Last week in honor of the fall weather i made a delicious fall soup with pumpkin, butternut squash, sweet potatoes, chicken, leeks, onions, peppers, celery and it was DELICIOUS!! It tasted just like fall:) Last night Matt went to the grocery store and cooked dinner for me, he doesnt do it often but he knew how much id appreciate it. AND I LOVED IT! It was a nutricious and DElicious dinner. I even managed to hit a workout class at my gym and got my butt kicked. It was SO hard, and I am sore today. YEsterday was a good start to the week --and even got some laundry done and got to bed a good hour. So far so good!

Anyway, better get back to work. Lots more to do before weeks end.