Thursday, April 12, 2012

What's the trade -off?

A few weeks ago on my day off I happened to have flipped on Anderson Cooper when Madonna was on the show. I don't usually watch much daytime TV, if any, these days but this one I tuned in to for a while. And one thing that resonated with me was when she said that you really have to believe in what you are doing in life.  You have to be passionate about your work- whatever it is that you do-- because finding a good job or something that you love is hard to come by. And there are going to be lots of struggles and battles along the way and you really need to really believe and love it that you are doing and be willing to fight for whatever it is.

So how do you pick what is worth fighting for? How do you know you will love it and have the passion? I am often thinking about the life i want to lead and the kind of mother i want to be, and the actual work that i do. A work, that right now, feels fairly passionless. Work that i do for the money and for the freedoms it gives me outside of the work hours.  I would have less freedoms without it, but would my life be better? Ever since having a baby changed my life, it has totally changed my priorities and ambitions. I want to be the best person i can be for my kids,  i am one of most important role models for how they will live and shape their life.  How do i find a way to be the best person i can be?

Matt and I have talked about him putting in a lot of hours for the company his brother and his dad have built to make it grow. But we don't know how big it will get, there is no way to predict the future. It just seems like you have to make sacrifices to make it work, and they have to come in all different places of your life.  I worry that the sacrifices of having a husband working all the time away from the home is one that I cannot live with and sustain.   To have to work all day, to keep up with house work and be able to spend time with my child and not to have my husband around to support the effort. I am overwhelmed by the thought.   I already can barely keep up with the yard work, cleaning, dishes, grocery shopping, all that needs to be done. But to have to do it alone? Will the trade-off be worth it? I feel envious of SAHMs, of all the things they have time to do, all the things they get done at home WHILE still being able to spend quality time with their babies. But don't they also have a husband they can look forward to seeing at 5:30? How hard will that be? How do you navigate the decision process and how to you feel confident in making one? How do you find the passion and happiness amidst a sea of uncertainty?

2 comments:

Mus said...

I think I'm at 21 this week. I lost track and havent looked at the little calendar lately LOL.

Your post is interesting... for my cynical self it's really hard to buy into people who think like Madonna. I don't believe that there is anything in the world that anyone can truly TRULY feel passionate and excited and believe in what they're doing ALL The time. I mean...I love my husband to death and wouldn't ever dream of leaving him, but sometimes...man does he bug me. :-) Similarly, I love my job a bunch of the time...but days like yesterday where I spent more time fighting with an engineering advisor over a students right to be in a class or not...I would have much rather just been home painting or doing something else productive. So I guess my question to her would be isnt it more important to believe in YOURSELF because what you DO is so very much not who you are? Why can't I believe that I can be supermom and have a great house, a great kid and a job that allows me the freedom to have those things even if it's not perfect all the time because I CAN DO IT. And with that...am I judging who I am by whether I managed to pull the weeds this weekend, because I'm definitely known to do that. I tend to beat myself up if I took a day off to just hang out in the sunshine and relax.

I have a sign in my office that says "Always Do Your Best" and I think that's become my mantra in life. There are times when my best might be just getting dressed and showing up in the morning...and then there are times when I have got every little detail all together. As long as I'm trying as hard as I can..goingwherever I go with my whole heart...then what I'm doing will be worth it? That was long winded...but your post struck a chord :-)

Mus said...

I like where the writer goes with this on the 2nd page...

http://www.forbes.com/sites/deborahljacobs/2012/04/15/a-working-mom-defends-the-lululemon-stay-at-home-mother/