I hope it's a hormonal thing, but gosh do i feel down right now. I cant pin-point what exactly it is right now. I don't know if it just ONE thing, but i just cant seem to be happy and excited. I had a long weekend and I just didnt feel like going anywhere. I could have stayed in my house all day long. I did leave, but i didn't feel like partying and seeing a lot of people. I, for some reason, felt that my laughter would feel fake. Matt and I were shopping for shelves and cabinets yesterday and a few times he looked over at me and said i looked dead. Everything felt tired and exhausted. I didn't feel like myself, i dont like it.
I am a little better today, although I have plans to snowboard (try to snowboard) with J and A tomorrow and I feel exhausted thinking about it. Also not like me. How do i snap out of whatever this is?
There are a few things in particular that seem gloomy. Like my Grandma and how sick and debilitated she has become. This weekend she started needing 24-hour care. My mom will be sleeping at her house until thursday and I cant imagine how hard this must be for everyone involved. And my mind just wanders about what it must be like, and i feel the deep down sadness because my grandma means everything to our family. Then i think about two of my friends who have terribly, terribly sick dad's. And i think about making plans in the future and the feeling fades because what if i have to go to a funeral. It's hard to not be able to think so far ahead. And this weekend I found it particularly hard to be there for those friends in need of support. This selfishness eats away at me too.
What is going on in Haiti is almost incomprehensible and just awful to think about. I think it's a combination of all these happenings and a total feeling of helplessness that I almost am withdrawn. I know i need to some how tune back in. I need to somehow re-energize. I am in need of something... and I hope it comes soon.
Hopefully the next post will be a little more up.
2 comments:
i think you're down because i haven't posted lately. that's it i'm sure. :-)
seriously though, sounds like you need some sunshine. the cold dreary weather is enough to suck the life right out of anyone. take a personal day, sleep in, go to the gym and slog through a couple miles. you'll feel better :-)
i'll post something soon...work's been crazy :-)
sorry to hear about your grandma...getting older stinks.
i agree with ann and was just thinking that. it is so hard to feel at all right when it is so dreary and cold outside. i tend to hibernate in winter and i can't really do that anymore because i have responsibilities...but i find it sooooo hard to stay motivated and upbeat when it is not the warm weather i love.
in the past, i've found that a day to myself has really helped. b doesn't always understand, but he isn't one of those people that needs those times. he's always motivated. but i tend to sleep as much as needed (because we never get enough sleep) eat what i want and do what i want. many times i feel much better afterwards.
it'll get better. we all go through periods of being down.
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