Everything 3-4 weeks... like clock work

Another weekend came and went, here I am sitting at work on Monday reflecting upon it all. It was a rather good weekend, i did a lot of things that were fun and really enjoyable, spent time with people i care about, also managed to be productive too with house chores and such. It's funny though, that even though i feel positive about it-- I WAY too often get wrapped up in minutia and somehow Matt ends up needing to cheer me up about something stupid. Now, I am not saying i was angry at someone, something, or needed to be cheered up because something dramatic happened. BUT somehow-- probably about every 3rd to fourth week in every month-- i find myself in some sort of existential crisis. Really, it's so silly, but i find myself asking myself really deep questions about my inadequacy. Seriously, Donna, THIS is SO unnecessary. Like after a great time with friends, i leave and ask Matt, " did i say anything wrong tonight" or "should i have said ..." stupid questions to confirm that people like me. Deep down i know they like me, deep down i know i should NOT be worrying about this pointless minutia that will have absolutely NO positive results. Actually, NO results at all.

I think about all the people in my life that i love and I feel SO great about it all. When i think i all the people i could call to tell them how much i care about them. But somehow, during my moments of low confidence i find myself focusing on all those people that i dont think care as much about me. I think of a certain couple actually, that i used to be VERy close to that i dont so much recieve a birthday card from, or any random texts to invite me things. It's not that they DO anything to me, it's the lack of doing things. And I HATE it that this gets to me. In those moments i dwell on this absence of something and never manage to compensate for all the beautiful things the other people in my life do. And that's when Matt has to hear me ramble and rant, he has to make sense of my illogic. I get myself down for NO REASON whatsoever, and start questioning the person i am. Is this normal?

I need to work on myself a lot during these times. It all starts with being comfortable with who i am. Which i truly believe I am... most of the time. I am just so lucky that I have a husband to tolerates my ups and downs.

So in recap, my weekend was incredibly fulfilling (minus the gaps in clarity-- see above). Some excellent friends invited us over on Friday for dinner, to hangout, and play games. It's really is enjoyable hanging out with them, we also end up staying late and laughing A LOT!! Saturday i got to see my BFF in the whole world, with her boyfriend. We met in Cbus and thought we go ice skating. But Matt got scared about 40 minutes away and we ended up going to a pottery place to talk and paint and do something different. Matt couldnt see himself finding enjoyment clinging to a wall surrounded by 7 years olds. I dont blame him. We went out to Benihanna for dinner and had an greeeeeat time. Sunday came and went, I went to the gym for the first time since before i got married. that was productive. I also cleaned, went to the grocery and relaed without matt home. Tonight i am watching the Bachelor with one of my newest girlfriends, and wednesday is Broadway play night with J and A. I am feeling optimistic about this week... and Happy good start to week to you!