For the Sun, From the Sun, Of the Sun

The past few weeks have been rough-- it's the dreary, grey period of the year... and March has notoriously been my least favorite month of the year. I know it say that every year, and I always try to coveat the statement with the hope that this March will feel different, but it definitely came in like a Lion. I have been struggling emotionally with just a lot of self doubt, insecurities, over all unhappiness with stuff happening at work that has left my glass more the half empty at the end of the day. If seasonal effective disorder really is a thing, you might end up seeing my picture right next to the description in the dictionary. I don't want to undermine the circumstances at work, but had it happened at the different time of the year maybe it wouldn't have felt like a tractor-trailer sized blow to the gut.  A stumble then left me on the floor for days it felt like and the only thing that got me out of bed in the morning was the beautiful, jubilant, incredible faces of my amazing children and supportive husband that I am pretty sure are the very reason I am in existence right now.

But this week. THIS week the sun came out! Literally! There is one pile of snow left in my yard from over a month ago and the SUN WAS out for almost two full days. And it was over 50 degrees. Dare i say almost 60? And the sun and air and warmth felt like a rebirth.  I dont think the earth shifted orbit but it sure felt like it for me, my entire outlook on things changed, my energy level went up, and all of a sudden the greyness I was seeing and feeling became brighter.  I know we are all created by 'star stuff" but boy do I ever appreciate the fact that we are from the sun and it really is a healer of everything.  I am a creature of the sun and it really is comforting to know that even when things feel like they are bad, the sun will always rise again tomorrow. It's always there.  We need the sun, and I need it like I need air to fill my lungs and put the wind in my sails.

Having spent a considerable amount of time outside in the last couple of days, it's been easier to get up in the morning to head to work (when just last week  i could barely move in the morning, all my joints were frozen to the bed). My energy level is higher, my perspective is brighter, I appreciate small things, and I just want to do good like go to starbucks and buy coffee for some stranger. It's amazing the shift I feel, and it is ALL my perspective because the circumstances I am in are very much the same as last week. Just the way I feel about them has changed. Truly it is divine, and there is something about God and wonderment of all that is that really owe it too.

Just yesterday the boys and I played outside with the neighbor girls, and the Nick and Marley were chasing each other throwing snowballs at the each other with no coats on. And then we went on a family walk at the trail by our house, and the boys just run and skipped, and threw sticks in the mud. And Chris was saying HIIIIII to every stranger, dog, thing that came past him. Ugh, it was beautiful. everything about it. I am thankful, I am so blessed,  I am feeling optimistic, and I cant wait to get home and give my boys a hug and kiss and thank them for being perfect. Because they are, everything is just as it should be. Thank GOD for the SUN!

Dear Christopher- Month 15

Dear Chris--

 My BEAUTIFUL, animated, happy, vibrant, full of life little joy of mine . How lucky am I to have you. You brighten up every room, you fill up all of our hearts, and you are SO darn cute I could burst just looking at you.  At your 15 mos check up you are still a big boy-- 93 percentile for weight and 82 percentile for height, and 100% percentile for cuteness. Watching you go about the world is simply magnificent.

You are at an age that I simply want to drink you up and refill again, cannot get enough of you. You are so excitable, and so verbal, and your laugh is contagious.  You are social and you say hii and byeee to just about anyone in any circumstance.  And it pretty much knocks people's socks off when they hear it.  We sleep trained you with the ferber method and now you are an exceptional sleeper, and SO happy when you go to sleep AND when you wake up. ANd throughout the entire day. YOu sleep 8pm-7am (ish) with usually some sort of nap in there.

You have been in three of the rooms at daycare and I think it's a reoccuring theme that every one of your teachers falls in love with you. It's no coindences when they say how lovable and cuddly you are-- AND happy! And easy!! I've heard multiple times that you are the best baby in the whole class. ugh-- swooon. You are!! You are so easy going, and SO happy, and so content.  You can give higs on commaned and kisses, too (even though your mouth is still open) and even blow kisses now. And what are a talker you are, too!! You are are babbling and telling us something. Your word count is ever going. Right now your vocab (beside your signed "more" and "all done" ) include :
Mamama: Mama
Dada: Dada
CHeeee: Cheese
Hiii : Hi
Byeee: Bye
Niii : Nick
Baa: Back
Baw: Ball
I know there might be a few others, but those are reoccuring pretty much every day. But your understanding is remarkable. You can follow two step commands, like "pick up the  book and put it back" and so much more.

You and Nick follow each other around and play ALL THE TIME. I hear you laughing and chasing each other all day long. And wherever you go, he goes and the other way around.  You still sometimes hit for fun, we are working on this idea of being gentle.   I am sure it's just a phase. Luckily you are always a VERY good listening, follow directions, like to please. All very good traits in a little person.

Your tooth count is around 7 I think, with the back molars popping in now. But amazingly enough they come through unoticied for us because you are such a tough little guy! The biggest obsticles in our life revolved around menu planning since you have such bad food allergies. I am hoping and praying they many are outgrown. But again, even when you react and get sick you bounce back so quick.  You are a strong and exceptional little boy.

I am ready to be done with the cold weather to get outside and enjoy some outdoor fun. I know the pool and sprinkler will be a hit again (with your brother ) this summer.  I cant wait to watch you grow and laugh and become such a beautiful person.  You and your brother are so different yet so much alike And every day I wake up and thank God for being so blessed.  Thank you for being you, you are so important and special to me and I cant wait to watch you grow.'

Love you more than you know,
Mommy