Today I spent a couple hours at Leadership Development Event for the higher graded DoE employees who are women. It was a panel discussion for Women in the Senior Executive Service (SES)- which are the highest leadership positions within the federal government. It was really interesting and it gave me a lot to think about regarding the balancing act between being a working mom and building my career, and being a family mom and shelving all those ideologies.
It really is a struggle to think about- especially now for the a little guy on the way. The ideas really never came into my mind until now. I have always thought i'd work hard, make a good amount of money, and live a successful life. Especially going through the MBA program at UD it is one heck of a male dominated, COMPETITIVE environment. It's very dog eat dog and the best rise to the top. You worked hard for you A's, and you knew the handful of others in the 'A group' because the rest weren't as competitive nor did they do the time. That lends well with a new and young professional entering the workforce. I was confident and competitive when i got to my job 5 years ago. In fact, i was motivated and energized by my boss who really believes in me. She was my champion and threw me into all kinds of projects i knew NOTHING about but got my name out there. And i am thankful for that, because i am doing pretty well right now.
So now what is next for me? I know I wont be in this position forever. It's not good for me professionally to stay in one place, but does that means it's also not good for me personally? These women in the SES (Senior Executive Service) make a lot of money, but put in a lot of time... and are also the most likely to be asked to move around both organizationally and geographically. You need to work hard to apply and be accepted into one of the positions, but is the reward worth it?
One of the panelist talked about passion at work and putting in long days. Lately i have been feeling a little passionless at work, i look forward to getting home and hanging out with my husband, friends and family. I look forward to weekends filled with fun activities. These women didnt really talk about their home lives, in fact many worked a lot of weekends. Only one spoke of her children and how she couldn't do it all without her support network of neighbors, family, and friends. Prioritizing is critical-- and that keeping a clean house and having a home cooked meal is NOT a priority. But how do you figure out what your priorities are? And then where do you find what passion (work or home) is more important?
Do I feel the way i feel because I didn't have a working mom a lot of my childhood? I wonder if my perspective would be different. I talked to my boss about it briefly whose mom worked when she was growing up. She is also very successful right now, does that mean if i worked through most of my kid's growing up it would be hard but that they would have two role models for hard work and dedication. What is the right choice?
This never seemed to be an issue twenty years ago. Women were not generally in the workforce. And even now, this issue really only applies to women. Even though we are much more prevelant in executive positions, it is only women who need to take time off to have children. Some women decide having children is not as important as having a successful career and make the choice as ONE or the other. Why is that the case? This doesn't seem fair either.
I guess I dont know if i will ever solve the answer here on this little blog of mine... but it is something i have thought a lot about as we are now starting a family. My paradigm has definitely shifted from the 'Work Hard- Play Hard LATER' mentality. I do want to be around my kids a lot of the time, i just have to figure out how that jives with my job. Or if i will always have a job..... I just dont know. How do you figure it all out? I just don't think there is a balance, i don't know if you can have both. Or can you? There is no need to play super women, no one can do it all.... but how much can you really do and still feel fulfilled and satisfied? Rarely have i heard a dedicated mother talk about how unsatisfied she is though....
Just something to think about....
1 comment:
i think this is really interesting... the last three people who worked in my office who left, left to be stay at home moms. and my job is not super hard or stressful. i respect their decision but i know it's not one that i could ever do myself. for me it's a matter of i dont think i'm physically well if i'm not busy outside of my own home...being busy with a kid wouldn't cut it, i need to be able to focus on non-family members problems and lives to be healthy. otherwise i get anxious and worry way too much about stuff with them. i also get worried that if i were to stay at home... is that all i would be? Mom? eventually the kid leaves and goes to college... so what happens to me then? Do you pick up your life where you left off or are you suddenly empty? My mom always worked so I don't know the answers to those questions.
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