So it's 8:15am on a January morning and both of my sweet boys are sleeping upstairs. It's a Saturday and so my husband is also sleeping. I am awake, sipping my coffee from the office looking out the window to a white front yard and snow falling in light little flakes like a scene from a movie. The kind of snow hat is beautiful (and not dangerous to ride out in since we have plans in just a couple hours to meet friends). I sit here this morning, and the past few mornings, thinking about how happy I am. I have this overwhelming sense of contentment and joy... I cant say it's something I've never felt, but honestly it's a feeling I have had for this long a time.
I have to admit when Chris was born just 8 weeks ago I felt the gambit of emotions; fear, happiness, tiredness, stress, pain... you name it, I felt it. Now that I have a few weeks with both of them I am learning that the love I have for my entire family is to profound and so deep I don't need anything else in this world. Every day is a snow day for us these days that I am not at a work... and we don't even need snow. It feels like that because I wake up with hope and excitement, I cant wait to see how the day will unfold. I love to see what my boys will surprise me with today, what will they that do that will make me laugh, what new thing will they do, what is going to come next. I am falling even more in love with them each day, and watching Nick interact with his baby brother melts my heart into a thousand pieces every time. From the kisses in the morning, to bringing me his 'blanket's aka burp clothes wherever we go, and patting him on the belly when he is crying, I don't even know where to stop. He has surprised me and exceeded beyond expectation how mature, caring, and selfless he is. And he is only two!! He understands the concepts of sharing, too. He lets Chris hold his favorite thing in the world when he is upset-- his Mickey. And he does love mickey because he brings him everywhere he goes, feeds him, bathes him, dances with him, sleeps with him, everything. It's adorable and precious. And memories of him I never want to let go of.
Everything about being home with my kids makes me happy. Yes, there are hard moments... but they are just that. Moments. fleeting and manageable because they are just that, moments. It's the rest of the day that makes me happy. Life is surprisingly easy, too. I get lots of stuff done because nick is so happy just to be in the same room with me. And to feel included. I couldn't ask for a better kid, he can explore and play anywhere as long as I am with him and honestly, I wouldn't want him anywhere else. I love it when he is with me... he is my little grown up, because sometimes I cant believe all the things he can do and help me with.. and understand at such a small age. This quality time together is important for both of us. And I wish it never has to end.
I am going back to work in about a month and my heart hurts all over thinking about it. But right now I am sitting here in the office looking at the little snow globe I am in right now and feeling so happy. In a snow globe everything looks perfect and you imagine what it would be like from the outside. But this snow globe on the inside really is perfect. I have hit the jack pot with such a loving husband and two beautiful children, and a wonderful support network all around me. Thank you, God.
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