Tuesday, August 9, 2011

There are the good days, and then there are the bad

Today started off as a bad day..... And yes, those days usually fall far between to the good days. But the bad ones sure are a struggle.  We had a perfectly nice evening last night, we met our friends J and D for dinner at Brazenhead in Mason and had a nice night with them. We drove back in some bad storms but it was still a good night. Then i went to bed and i haven't been able to click back into gear since. I woke up around 2am- of course, having to go to the bathroom, i went downstairs to get a snack and a drink then go right back to sleep. But I couldn't fall back asleep. I wasn't uncomfortable, i just had severe insomnia. I couldnt turn off my brain.  I was thinking about the baby's room, and where to re-arrange all oue stuff in our small house. I was thinking about all the things we need to do. I was thinking that i didn't like it how i have to ask my husband to things he doesn't take initiative by himself. I was thinking about how i dont like my body image right now. I dont feel like a cute pregnant person, i just feel big.  I am not so happy in my job right but but i feel stuck. I go to work the clock seems to tick by, i haven't felt happy and fulfilled at work in a long time. I didnt want to go into the office today. I took a really long shower last night and all i was doing was stewing about how i am doing an accountants job for one item on my plate and that i am sick of being a good performer.  Why don't people do their jobs?   It doesn't make me happy to think of these things.

And when i woke up this morning, Matt hadn't cleaned up the living room that i JUST cleaned up and dusted and vacuumed 24 hours before. He had papers and stuff all over the place for the tractor stuff he has been working on last night. AND i specifically asked him before i went to bed if he couldn't straighten everything back up before he went to bed.   Then i proceeded to ask him about the nursery and tell him what i was thinking to re-arrange and he wanted nothing to do with it. But i have been thinking about it for the last 2 hours in the middle of the night.  He wanted to leave the office and combine it with our guest room. And we have NO room anywhere. We need to ditch the office and just have a guest room. So then we got into a HUGE argument in the car about how i don't want a filing cabinet and our useless printer in our guest room. And i just said, fine, Ill do everything myself since all he does is road block and offer no advice. I am still upset about it. WE have no room in our house!  I don't know where we are going to put everything. Our bedrooms are so small.  I am stressed thinking about it, and it's putting back into a slump writing about it.   I don't know what to do. 

Today is a struggle for me. And it doesn't help that i have back to back two-hour meetings from 9am until 1pm today... when i usually eat lunch around 11:30.  I know i will be tired and hungry.  I am tired already this morning, SO tired actually. How will i muster through the rest of the day with this mentality and feeling like this. On top of feeling not so great about myself in general right now.  Today is a hard day.
I can only hope that tomorrow is better.

It has to be.

1 comment:

anneominous said...

*sending warm thoughts*

the annoying silver lining is that when the baby gets there...you won't care if there's a tractor in your guest room and a printer in your garage. that cute kiddo will light up any room no matter how small :-). doesn't make it better today....but tomorrow will definitely be better.