This parenting thing--- it's one INSANELY wild ride. There are always unforeseen turns and loops, and twists that can downright throw you. With two kids and a little under 3.5 years of parenting under my belt, who knows what's in-store. I read all my new-mom pregnant friends posting about their reviews of baby "items" and their picture perfect nursery and post gobs of pictures all over social media about where they made their purchases and want to hurl my 3" shoe heal right through the computer screen because never have they been SO far off base of what is REALLY important. Your baby doesn't care what shade of pink you have the walls, or the matching curtains and bookcases, your baby will never remember it, and frankly--the perfectly organized diapers, creams, and drawers will never look like that again once there is an actual HUMAN living in there. You don't have kids to have an audience to fulfill you own contentment's. With that said, when the rubber really meets the road, you can NEVER prepare for it. So stop the organizing, painting, picture-taking of all your time wasting money wasting endeavors, and start preparing your heart for what's to come.
I have no idea where to start with that, except for the trials you will endure will have you questioning every part of your being. For example, JUST this morning my husband dropped Nick off at preschool and it was his first day in the Flamingo room, and I didn't know about it! Frankly-- they didn't send anything home about transition week or anything, and Nick is a child that likes "to know!" He needs preparation, he likes to know what's coming. And frankly, who doesn't? But I am feeling awful this morning, because last night as we were getting ready for bed he was telling me that he doesn't like going there and would really like to stay home, so in in good nature I decided to walk through the day for him. Tell him about the morning, and where he will eat breakfast, and talk about what might be on the menu. All to prepare him and feel better about Monday and going to school. And ALL of it for naught, because he was thrown into a NEW room today!!! I am feeling like a terrible mommy, and guilty, and so sad for my little man who I feel like is already losing trust in me when I left him last week to go to Hawaii for my dad's wedding. I know how that little man operates, and he was definitely not settled when I left. We are best buds, it hurt me to leave more than he could possibly know.
I don't know where I was going with this post, other than to vent about how hard it is to be a parent knowing all you want is your child to be OK, happy, and well-adjusted. And then you run into all your shortcomings. If only there was a recipe to follow to make it happen, but there isn't. I want to say that LOVE is all you really need; but frankly the love I have for my family oozes out of me veins and grows and grows with every breath I take, but one slip up can leave me drowning. And I know I wont ever win any awards for the best decorated nursery, or the cutest play room, or basically anything crafty or creative. Frankly, the time I have free and unscheduled in my life is spent putting one foot in front of the other, and definitely no thinking planning the next step-- or next project-- or anything. But being. And living, and frankly just trying the best I can.... hoping my kids do the same.
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