Happy new Year

First Cut-- January 6th, 2015
Happy New Year! I cant believe it s 2015.... and I am optimistically looking forward to what is in store for us this year. I know it will be wonderful. 2014 was great but definitely not without it's ups and downs and major bumps in the road. Changes and challenges both with my family and at work, but all is well that ends well. And we brought in the new year on the Freedom of the Seas somewhere in the carribean together. With all the family on matt's side and it was FANTASTIC! I couldnt have asked for a better way to end the year than non-stop time with the boys, too... because it's my favorite thing in the whole world.

The holidays will end this saturday when we celebrate one last time. But overall it was wonderful. The kids did great on the trips to Cleveland, cars, trains, plans, ships.... they were spectacular. I am so lucky I have such well behaved kids.  They got a lot of cool toys-- TONS of stuff to get us through the cold winter days indoors between christmas and birthday presents.  It is particularly cold these last couple days, on the way into work this morning the car said it was -1 out there. I know it's going to be a long few months until we get more warm weather, but I also know how important it is to not wish time away.

Being off work and with the famuly always leaves me with a new sense of who they are, i feel like i learn more about thier personalities and we always get closer.  Nick seems like he grew up in the last week. All of a sudden he is doing all kinds of things by himself without help. And Chris just is the biggest little ham you ever saw with a mind of his own. Just does what he wants on his own time. AND LOVES TO WAVE AND GET AS MUCH ATTENTION AS POSSIBLE WHILE DOING IT. Like he knows he's pretty darn cool.  He cracks me up.    He is incredibly smart too because it has amazed me countless times with what he understands.  Same with Nick-- he just has his own mind, and thoughts and feelings now and it's incredible. Not to mention I think he is physically grown the in the last couple of weeks. All of a sudden I can see in ankles and his tiny little wrist in clothes that fit him just fine before the holidays.

The winter is only in its infancy as we prepare for long, dark winter nights but there is a lot to be optimistic about too. Maybe visit some pre-schools, trips to the museum center, playdates with neighbors and friends, the circus, some wedding, showers, etc. It's important to stay busy because this is often a hard time of year without much daylight.

Edits Jan 26th, 2015
I cant believe how long this month has been. It's been SO busy as work and even crazier on the home front. Lots of things to write about, but one of the biggies was discovering Chris's insane food allergies. We wondered for a few weeks now why he would all of a suddent throw up his entire stomach for no reason and with no apparent warning. After seeing it happen seemingly more frequently I put in a call to the pediatrician regarding food allergy concerns. Without much ado we were scheduled for some blood work and the results were shocking. He was only tested for a handful of allergies and ALL of them came back positive with a very SEVERE allergy to egg. It wasnt much of a shock, but it was after going to the allergist to discover all the OTHER things he is also allergic too that i have been feeding him over the course of the last few months. I have literally been poisoning my child!!

The next few weeks/months is definitely going to be a learning period with meal times feeling like a test laboratory. But so far so good. He hasnt gotten sick or broken out to ANYTHING I have given him. I also think it in a strange way he has a sense for what he can and cannot eat. He tends to push a lot of food away, he has ALWAYS had an aversion to eggs when i wanted to make it for him for breakfast, and I have a strong suspicion that all the foods he doesnt eat that I once attributed to picky eating is now he sense for intolerance.  I think nature knows what to do, and I see it working in my kids almost every day. The wonders of God's creations.

Without much senblance to this post, that's all for now.... Lots more to share, i hope to write

Dear Nick- Month 36 (Year 3)

Dear my BEAUTIFUL son Nicholas,

 Happy 3rd BIRTHDAY little buddy! I cannot believe how much you have gown and flourished, and you amaze me every day. Your personality, your joy, your incredible heart, you spirit and energy fills my heart up to the brim.  I don’t even know where to begin this letter because there is so much you say and do that I want to remember for always, and my mind cant choose where to start?

Lets start with you were selt motivated to potty train! I have been  encouraging you for a quite a few months now with little luck, until a couple weeks before thanksgiving you just got it. Like, you have been doing it your whole life. You havent gone pee in your diaper (even at night!) for a while, and you tell me all the time when you need go. You transitioned perfectly to big boy underwear, although you are still “scared” to poop in the potty. And you don’t want to go at daycare yet.  But I know it will just click in there, too. Just like everything does  for you. You move through life with cautious optimism. You always like to stick your toe in the water first before you jump, and that is your trademark. And quite frankly, that is JUST fine!  You are measured and aware of yourself and your surroundings, in all honesty this makes you wise and more mature than most your age.  Even last night when we went to see Santa with the neighborhood kids, you didn’t want to sit on his lap because he seemed a little too scary for you. Even if I told you he was nice, and Adrianna offered to hold your hand, you did NOT want to. I even sat on his lap with Mrs. Putnick and Mrs. Fierrer. But as we were walking out you didn’t get to say bye to santa so we rushed back in, you waited your turn (and told me “ he is not scary, and he is not a monster” and sat right down. Then proceeded to tell him you wanted candy and French toast for Christmas. God love you. Oh ya, and while we walked to the car you wanted a hug from him.

One thing about you that I LOVE is you want to please. You WANT to be a good boy, and you hate it when I tell you did something bad. You are quick to correct to tell me you are a good boy. You always want to help, you love to feel useful and I love it more than anything when we do things together. You help with the laundy, the dishes, cooking dinner, cleaning up toys, washing bottles, everything.  You are also getting quite independent too. Can brush your teeth on your own, get undressed by yourself, take off your shoes, open and shut the car and climb in, and I know there is more—and way too often you will get mad at us for trying to help you do things you can do on your own. You use of language if impeccable, too.  YOu still carry  a tune with you as you go around, and now that it is Christmas you have a whole slew of songs you sing now.  I admire your love for music, sometimes you will ask to wait in the car until a song is over, or turn up the volume so you can hear something, I will catch you sitting in the office next to the old CD player we have in there just listening  to one of your Baby Genius or Mickey  CDs. It’s rubbed off on your brother because he is a DANCER!

You still REALLY love Mickey (and BOB!) boy you would do almost anything for him.  You love to play ball, trains, and dance till the sun comes up. You have always loved reading books and I hope it never gets old. You recognize/know pretty much all of the letters of the alphabet and can even spells some words now too including all of our names.  Numbers and shapes are no problem, too. I think you are one smart cookie.

You are sweet and cuddly, and so darn beuaitufl I just stare at you sometimes in awe. I cannot believe you are mind, I so proud of you and all that you have become I could burst.  I love that you have grown into a relationship with your little brother, too. You love it when each other is around, and always ask where he is when you  don’t see him. I catch you guys running and chasing each other, too and laughing. The sound of your footsteps and laughter around the house is the best thing in the whole world. I know I will miss these days when you get older, I am trying to savor all that you are and everything that makes you, you.  I cant  for Christmas with you both, and then we get to go on a cruise right after and you are SO excited. You ask every day now if you can go on a cruise ship. And then you truck your mickey bag around with you ready to get it packed. I hope it’s a wonderful time, and I cant wait for some warm weather. I cant wait for all that is in store for us in 2015 We closed  our your two years with an awesome golden birthday party for you, over 40 people came to our house and you got TONS of toys.  You are one loved little boy. And it’s true,  We love you more than anything, Nick.  Keep being you, it is JUST PERFECT.

 All the love in the world,

Mommy

Dear Christopher- Month 12

Dear Christopher---
Happy Birthday little man!! I cant believe it was already a year since we met you, and boy you have changed our lives. All for the better. Where did the time go, you are past your baby months and transitioning effortlessly into toddlerdom.  It is still hard to believe at this time last year I was navigating sleepless nights, re-learning how to feed you, cuddle you, swaddle you, and now look where we are. You have developed your own personality and your own look, and your own way of loving and I fall more in love with you the more I get to know you.

You continue to hit all your milestones with ease-- you took your first steps with Mommy and daddy's help 6 days before you turned one on November 16th. With a little luck during big brother's nap time, we got you to take 3 steps, then 6 steps, then 12 steps and within days you were walking across the room and standing up on your own. Now that it has been a couple weeks you just hobble around walking anywhere there is open space... usually babbling something or pointing. It probably is the funniest and cutest thing in the world. That first week you took a major spill on the coffee table and got a pretty sweet looking cut right over your eyebrow. You didn't need stitched thank goodness, but it was pretty hard and deep.  You rolled with it and about 3 minutes later you didn't even know why we were still dabbing your eye with a paper towel.

You have endured way more bumps, falls, crashed, pushes, shoves than your older brother. Mostly because now what you are taking an interest in certain toys, can get to them on your own, and actually now have preferences it has all taken your older brother by surprise since everything all once was his territory. Now he has to... dun dun... share. Surprisingly-- or maybe not so surprisingly since your big brother is pretty smart and VERY kind-- there are way more happy play times than not so happy play times. Luckily you are just used to the occasional push.  There was a brief phase you went through when you could anticipate Nick coming up to grab whatever you are playing with and you would just freeze and let our a yelp " aaaaaaa." Ha, the look on your face is priceless.  Daycare has taught him a swap technique-- where he will still take what he wants from you but replace it with something else. Interesting.... and so far pretty effective.

You are still a chart topper with your amazing weight gaining abilities. You were 27lbs at your last well check that put you in the 94 percentile. Not bad little man. But i think you are already starting to thin out since you are walking.  I will definitely miss squeezing those adorable thighs. You have somewhere around 6-8 teeth now but I hate to admit i am losing track. YOu can eat pretty well and handle yourself wonderfully at the table. You even try to use a fork sometimes too.  You are a little pickier than your brother, but I wont hold you too it because it can always change.

You love being around your brother basically any time, and you will follow him wherever he goes with limitless trust. But you are always a mommy's boy and will take a cuddle or a hug anytime there is one available. YOu will throw your arms around me, pop your head up and smile at me and then throw your head into my chest to hug it out. It is perfect and I love how lovable you are. Watching you are your brother interact puts the wind in my sails and fills my heart every time i see it. It's the reason I was put on this planet... to love you both unconditionally and watch you love each other.  I didnt think i could win the jackpot twice with TWO perfect kids but I did.  And you I love every stage you move in and out of.  I am going to enjoy this adorable age you are at the fullest, and drink it up with never ending thirst because I know it is fleeting.  We had sucha fun thanksgiving, anmd lots of fun holiday activities to look forward too. Including birthday parties, a trip to cleveland, Christmas, Santa visits, Christmas eve and Christmas day, and a CRUISE at the end of the month. So much fun happening and I cant wait for it all. Happy Birthday little Chris, we all love you keep on doing what you are doing. And being amazing.

Lots and lots of love.
Love,
Mommy

Beauty

Here is the funny thing about beauty ... It is always around you. And in the spaces, moments, feeling that you don't see it, that is because you are not looking in the right place. It's not always right in front of you. And in those really difficult times searching for it can completely alter the way you percieve what's happening and all of a sudden what it is you are going through doesn't quite seem so bad after all.

Dear Chris- Month 9.75 (10)

My beautiful Baby Boy-- How beautiful you are, too...


I cant believe it, but you manage to actually get cuter each month. It's true, I swear every time I look at you we all fall more and more in love. YOu are truly a lover of all things and people, too-- the way you look into our eyes and just rest in our arms when we hold you. What a content person, and an all around joy to be around. We all just cant get enough.



Your mobility is off the charts, you are simply everywhere these days. And fast too. You just started cruising on the furniture so I predict you will be walking before Halloween. You even go upstairs now too. You not eat all kinds of table foods with us as your teeth count is every growing, I think it's 8 now.  You are still large-- and very much in charge. Very opinionated about what you like and don't like-- but so easy going with how rough your big brother can be. He seems to take a lot of things from you-- and you get pushed around way more than I expected. But you seem very reliant mister.


You like to sleep in the mornings so often times we are up even before you, but going to bed can be troublesome. Ferber is in your future (as much as I wish it wasn't).  You generally wake up happy, and you are SOOO gabby!!! SO much to say, always chatting, always something new coming out of your mouth. Impressive that you are advancing so much but physically and verbally at the same time-- usually one takes a back seat. Daddy and I both think you are one smart cookie.


This past month you have had visits with your grandma and grandpa Gudaitis, trips to Kings Island, trips to the park, play dates, your first hair cut and so much more. October is such a fun month, I cant wait to see you and your bother dress up for Halloween. Lots of fall activities to look forward too-- You are growing up so quickly. And you are SO beautiful and sweet, you make every day brighter.


We love you so much,


Love, Mommy

Dear Chris- Month 8.75

Dear Chris ( Month 8.75)

 

You are crawling!! You started crawling fairly early ( I think) at just over your 8 month birthday (and within a week you were zipping around the house). You are fast and I always hear you coming as those adorable thighs pound the floor. Slap slap thump thump . Your big brother loves that you are mobile now and you can follow him around. Even though he isn’t the best as sharing and sometimes doesn’t like you playing with his toys.  Watching you two play together puts the wind in my sails, even on the hardest days watching your brotherly love is so spirit lifting.  The bond you are forming right now can never be replaced, you are both such beautiful people.

 

You are getting more adventurous with your eating habits, too. You eat all kinds of fruits and vegetables, and are even eating some table food now too—not just the pureed baby food I have been making for you. Your pincers and incredibly precise! Impressive little man.  Your tooth count holds steady at 5 (3 on the bottom, two on top) and those are sharp little suckers. I am teaching you NOT TO BITE.  That’s a big lesson this month, and I do think you are actually getting it.

 

You surely love to be close to your brother, but being by mommy is still number one. I am pretty sure when you are tired or hungry or any kind of unhappy I am the only one who can hold you and make things better.  You are mama’s boy, I love love it.  You are still not the best sleeper, but your smiles and affection towards me (and whoever is around you) more than makes up for those troublesome moments.  Mimi said to me last week when she picked you up from daycare you ‘Hellen kellered her face’. You just touched her face so gently and looked up to her as if the mere fact that she was there was all the world needs. I’ve even received comments from strangers about how engaging you are. You certainly are a beautiful soul.

 

You go to the doctor in a couple weeks for your 9 month check and I can’t wait to see what you weigh. I am guessing you are still tipping the scales (likely over 24 lbs). And getting quite long too. I think you will be standing on your own and cruising in the next month too. You can already pull yourself up on furniture.  You have been pretty healthy over all, fighting a few colds and runny nose. Teething hasn’t been the most fun and I can noticeably see your discomforts some days. But generally you are one tough cookie.

 

I have enjoying the warm summer days and I hope the spend as much time as I can while we still have this beautiful weather. Hard to believe September and fall are just right around the corner. But there is always something to look forward too. Thank you for being so sweet and loveable. I am sure we will get your first haircut soon, too. So many adventures await, and we love you so much little man. Keep doing what you are doing—being wonderful—because it is perfect and all the world needs.

 

Love you so much,

Mommy

Trying to learn from my kids, the present, the perfection

Life is beautiful. Really, I try to watch my kids and the certain things they do right now and sear them into my brain because I just don’t want to forget. They are growing up I want to savor everything.   But there is just so many things.  From the obvious things they do, the things they say, the sounds they make, the expressions on their faces.  It’s all beautiful and special, and heartwarming and if ever in my life had I know what joy is all about it, I can define it by special moments with my kids. And really, all the moments are special.

I definitely don’t deserve any parent of the year awards or anything here, but I've been surprising myself with myself lately and taking the time to notice. Honestly, we have had some crazy busy weekends this month… non-stop on the go doing things with friends, going places, getting things done… nonstop. Sometimes reducing nap durations or eliminating them completely and going to bed later than normal. And even in the tough situations with tired-emotional kids, the way I have been able to maintain my composure and talk with them through it has surprised me. My knee jerk reaction I would have thought, would be simply anger and snap back in firmness to get to bed. But quite the contrary, I have been able to bring myself to meet them where they are emotionally and walk with them to where I think they need to be…. Usually in bed sleeping. Like the last two nights, Nick hasn’t been tired when we put him to bed 45min-hour after usual bed time, so he has found ways to come get us to stay up a little later; Needs more water, one more kiss from mommy, he bumped his head, he needs covers, or simply crying. This is quintessential toddler; how many ways to can I prolong bedtime? Last night as much as I wanted to get in the shower myself and get myself ready for work today, I was able to rationalize with him somehow sleeping. I don’t know how I it.  I guess my unconscious did it, because kids are the biggest readers of the unconscious space within us. And last night it was calm and loving. And patient—and he got it right away and went to bed. And need I say the best part of it? When he asked for a hug and a kiss. And then one more hug/kiss. And one more kiss. Ugh. It is so darn sweet I think my stomach hurts with all the love.

Some days, some hours, some moments are hard.  But as much as I feel differently and view each breakdown from a different perspective then my kids, it is their right to have feelings, to work their ways through it, and to feel whatever is it they are feeling.  That  is how they gain wisdom, right? From truly feeling and understanding what they are feeling… and then moving on. Because that is the essence of what children do right? They are fully present in the moment, feeling and experience what is happening right then and now. Something an adult tended to get blinded by and jaded, it’s the present moment.  To know all we really have it now. The past is gone and we are not in the future, all we have is now. And all we can do is embrace the moment because it is exactly as it should be.  Every situation has arisen for a reason and it is to teach us something. From a simple lesson to a toddler like when your brother takes ‘your’ toy to teach you something. For the parent who watches the breakdown. Really, it is our children who are our greatest teachers.  They are the ones that remind us to let go on control, to fully feel each moment, and live  life with openness.  I am not perfect and in those moments where I do lose my patience, it’s up to me to learn from them and in like fashion they will see that is ok, everything will be ok. I don’t need to be infallible. I just need to be me, right now, in this moment, fully embracing what is because it, too, is fleeting.  But it is perfect  and it is exactly how it should be.

So yes, back to where I started,  I so wish I could take some of those moments and put them in a bottle so I can open them up and re-live the perfection that they are. SO I guess that is why I want to blog about it. So I can re-read it and remember.  I want to remember Nick sitting next to me and Matt at dinner last night just randomly asking for a hug and kiss while he ate his Indian food.  I want to remember the way he can look at us with one eye brow up in confusion and scrunch his little forehead? I want to remember that he asks to water the garden every night.  That is always wants to climb up when he gets in the car and then have the door lock down. Or that he carries a tune with him everywhere he goes, and he will have no problem breaking out into dance at a moment's notice. And Chris—so many things about babyhood are so fleeting. His smile is constantly changing, he has 5 teeth now and a 6^th one is almost there. The inquisitive looks, the longing stares, the way he folds his legs over one another like his brother used to when he is sitting down, his need to be a part of everything, his crazy hair and how it looks in the morning all tossed and tattered, his breathy giggle that is all inhaled, the way he snuggles in your arms, or bounces to music… I can't name it all.

I am just so thankful to have these remarkable kids. And even more thankful to be able to see how remarkable they are. And to have a husband that is wonderful and be a part of this family that I think I could have only dreamed of.  I think back to how adventuresome our weekends have been this month, we’ve done so much I can barely remember all that we do. Like this past weekend; on Friday night after work we went out to dinner then to the st. johns festival together—rode rides, ate funnel cake, got a balloon animal, walked around putting tickets in theme baskets. Saturday we got up, went to kings island and rode rides, had lunch and went to the radio control air show with two cousins, then drove to west side to get burgers and steaks, then grilled out. Sunday we got up, went to the park and grocery then kings island to see the dinosaurs and ride rides, went out to dinner… every minute was filled. And I can't tell you how many times Matt and I looked at each other and said… wow, can you believe how amazing these kids are?! I am grateful. I am blessed.