Serendipitous Landing

Parenting

2011-12-29T14:41:00.000-05:00

I cant believe in just a couple days baby N will be an entire month old. It's crazy to think about how quickly time is passing, even though the first couple weeks we couldn't have felt more turbulence of the incredibly steep learning curve. But every day is a little easier, although each day is different from the last. I already cant imagine leaving him to go back to work. Gosh we love him so much.... our little bundle of joy, stress, love, sleeplessness, newness, awesomeness.... words cant begin to describe it all.

I am especially thankful for all the visitors we have had in the first month.... i cant forget, even though i didn't take pictures of everyone. Theresa, Lauren and ken (lauren twice!), Jessie, Andi, Faith, Chris, Ben and Andrea, my parents, matt's family, Elizabeth, Marisa, my friends are amazing. I need to take more pictures, so i can remember.... too soon i will look back and wish to have the days back.

Hope you and yours had a merry christmas. And a very happy new year!

He arrived

2011-12-19T13:04:00.000-05:00

I am waiting on the pictures from his first days, but he came on December 3, 2011. 8:40am, 6 pounds 9.6 oz, 19 inches long. And full of cuteness.

Day Before Thanksgiving Post

2011-11-23T10:17:00.000-05:00

As I sit at work counting down the hours until i get to go home since no one is in the office, i figure i might as well continue what i started here by writing down those things i am thankful for as Thanksgiving approaches tomorrow. Now, ordinarily i would be in a much better mood considering tomorrow is a day off filled with lots of food. But i woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning and am feeling pretty down on myself. And the fact that i feel like my house is a mess. Two things that can really put a big weight on my shoulders. Not sure what changed between yesterday and today-- yesterday was Matt's birthday after all. But alas, here i am... where do i start?

I guess the first thing i have to be thankful for is this little baby boy that we are anxiously awaiting to meet in just a couple weeks. Although who knows when he will decide to arrive. I am feeling anxious about it every day.... not really thinking about the labor, just more of WHEN will he BE here? I cleaned up my office today at work-- threw out a BUNCH of old papers in anticipation of leaving my office fairly clean in the anticipation. I ran into the big, big boss today on the elevator up to the office and he asked me how many more weeks. I said just over two-- and his response was 'wow- really so any day now!' And THAT, my friends, sounds crazy!! How quickly and SHORT two weeks can be.... and really it could be less. or more..... but i am really hoping less.

Another thing i am thankful for is my health, my husband's healthy, my family's healthy, and my little pup's health. Although i think he stubbed his nail a couple days ago and he has been baby-ing it the last couple days. Poor little man. Compared to 2010, this year has been a MUCH healthier year for those closest to me. I attended WAY more weddings than i did funerals.... and that is a GOOD thing.

I am thankful that i have been able to carry this baby-- relatively problem free- for the last 9 months. Just hope the home stretch goes well. And he arrives safe and healthy.... that would really give me something to be thankful for.

I am thankful for my good friends in my life-- and the ones that have gotten closer to me as the year progressed. Realizing who those friends are in my life that will matter going forward. Those friends that are honest and caring.... and raw in the truest form. There is nothing to try to be or try to hide, because we are who are and we love each other for it.

I am thankful that i have an incredible husband. Really, my husband is the greatest. And i know i can complain about him sometimes on here, but really when it all boils down he could NOT be any better. He is always helpful, and supportive, and loving, and everything I could possibly need. We have such a great marriage and he makes me happy in every way. And throughout this pregnancy, I couldn't have hand-picked anyone better than him. He is PERFECT.

I am thankful i have a job, and a good paying one too-- as self-serving as that sounds. Since Matt is losing his job, i am sort of thankful for that in a way... even though i am not sure what I will be thankful for.... but in my heart of hearts i think something good will come of it. Something better... for everyone. I am thankful for my patience.

I am thankful for those around me who have also gotten pregnant this year. From last year-- not even really having any close friends or relatives-- to this year when not only will there be births, but next year lots more babies and LOTS more pregnancies forthcoming. It's like a new chapter in our lives... and for a bunch of my good friends and family. We all turned the page together, it's exciting to see what's in store, things will be so much different from now on.

I am also thankful for my house, a nice car, and all those material things that have been afforded to me. I know i am lucky.

So with that list, i will end it here. Until next time... Happy Thanksgiving!

Thinking about Christmas... and other random thoughts this week.

2011-11-15T09:42:00.000-05:00

It seems like every time I update this thing I always seem to comment on how quickly time goes by. But it sure does feel that way.... where to begin since the last post?

Things have been busy- as usual-- finishing the last touches on the nursery. It's about 95% complete-- minus a few more things to add to a couple walls, and little but of organization from the old 'office' that the room previously was, and that's probably about it. By demand, here is one of the pictures I snapped last weekend. You can see the bedding and the furniture to give you a feel for what it looks like.

Our good friends J and S had their baby boy last weekend- a baby boy born right on his due date!! She has been my little rock as we have experienced almost our entire pregnancy's together. It's been great, and now that she had her baby i know what is in store for me. I am SO excited for them, and I think about them every day because i cant wait to meet the new little one and talk to S. I am preparing things at work for my time away, it's surreal to me how little time there is left before the baby gets here. I feel like there is always something i want to get done-- like Christmas shopping and decorating-- but the motivation in that department seems to be lacking quite a bit. It would be nice to be on 'wait-mode' come December without a laundry list of things to do. Christmas- ordinarily my all time favorite holiday-- seems daunting this year. I love to feel Christmas, I love to listen to Christmas music, look at holiday lights, feel cheerful, give great presents, snuggle up to my Christmas tree light.... i love it all. But I feel a little overwhelmed by it this year... and my spirit of giving seems less present. I dont know why that is.... i just want to hangout at home with my new little family of 3 this Christmas and relax by the Christmas tree light. Without a laundry list of things to do, presents to wrap, people to entertain.... i wish i felt differently. Or at least i hope this feeling fades in the next week or so... i guess we will see.

I am overall very happy though, and filled with all kinds of emotions right now. Anxiousness, excitement, curiosity, trepidation, love, appreciation, o the list goes on. I am ever more appreciating those wonderful people in my life-- especially those that have been so supportive and loving throughout this pregnancy. I loved seeing a whole slew of our friends last weekend for J's little party for his MBA, i love seeing my in-laws, or the random breakfast outings with friends at Echo. I love feeling the excitement of those wonderful friends.... it's a great feeling. I am getting better at losing thoughts of those 'old' friends that are hardly present in my life-- if at all-anymore. And trying not to let other- not-so-great friends get in the way of my positive and good feelings. It reminds me of those few lesson's i posted about back in March here. Life is too short to waste time with people like that... there just isn't enough time in world for it. Fill yourself with goodness and surround yourself with people that make you better (and visa versa). Those lesson's need to be taught to others sometimes-- remember that love and trust and two very important pillars in any relationship. Without which, there are better investments for your time....

Until there are other things to discuss...

One Month and Two Days

2011-11-08T16:09:00.000-05:00

One month and two days, that is exactly how far away my due date is. Crazy. That is 4 weeks away. Crazy! I am certainly not wishing the time away, but it is quickly escaping me. This past weekend was nice and very productive; we saw Matt's friends J and his gf B up in Mt Adams and ate Teak that night. It was a good kick-start to the weekend of BABY N. Saturday morning we got up and went to a breastfeeding class, then went out to lunch at Red Robin and then went on a HUGE shopping binge for the babe. I clipped every coupon i could find, took all the gift cards and mailers i have received so far, and headed into BuyBuyBaby and Babies R Us to get the rest of the stuff we need for the baby. The nursery is REALLY coming together. We have stuff on the walls, little things organized in baskets, clothes put away in the drawers, bedding set up, monitors in place... things have taken huge strides forward. We just need to put up a few more things and organize some of the reminisce of the old 'office' and we will be ALL set for baby! I cant believe it. Where has the time gone? Seeing the room all set up has really made me excited.

The rest of the weekend was nice too-- even though Sunday was much slower. We got up early (thanks for clocks changing) and headed to church. It was a great mass, with a baptism-- which seemed so fitting. Fr. Knapp turned to me at one point during the mass, pointed to my belly and said "you're next.' It was such a funny but cool feeling. We love that guy! We of course had to say hi after mass and he was filled with excitement and support for us. Later that day we met up with C, C and J and ate homemade pasta and meatballs while hanging out and watching football. It really was a FANTASTIC end to the week.

It's amazing how much support and love we have received these last few months. AND SO MUCH HELP! My mother-in-law came down and helped me organize clothes last week, and even gave me a few items to help me organize. My sister-in-law also gave me a good deal of hand me downs so we have lots of cute things for this little guy. We even have some cute Christmas outfits that are hand-me-downs that I am excited to use! We have been overwhelmed with generosity. My co-workers G and L want to help me decorate or stencil the nursery, and my sister-in-law has offered to help with any more organization too. It's amazing. And so uplifting.

Last night we went on a maternity tour of the hospital-- and that was REALLY cool. It was a flash forward into what to expect. We even saw some ADORABLE little babies. Even though we were walking around talking about labor and delivery, all i could think about was all these new little babies and how excited those people are in all the rooms we passed must feel. It was kind of like a turning point for me-- not that i wasn't excited before-- but it made me REALLY excited to take home our little guy. I didn't even think of the stuff that makes me anxious or uncomfortable... all i could think about was holding out little person we created.

I cant believe only 4 more weeks until the due date.... I cannot believe it....

until next time.

End of October Update

2011-10-26T10:27:00.000-04:00

It's been a busy month of October, I am sad to see the month come to a close in just a few days. It went so quick. We are going to Seattle tonight for 4 days with my 2 brother-in-laws and my sister-in-law. It's sort of our last hurrah before the big switch. I am looking forward to spending some time with the family, doing and seeing something different... and hopefully relaxing a bit. I know it will go quick. And then it's Halloween the day after we return. It's crazy how quick that holiday snuck up on me, and this is the first year since matt and I have been together than i didnt do much decorating in my house, or make our trip to Lynd Farm to pick our pumpkins and apples. It's sort of sad in a way.... but we have been very busy with the baby prep. I hope to decorate for Christmas a bit a head of the game this year.

My weekend was nice, although it feels so long ago by now. We saw B, A, C and N for dinner at our house. It was uneventful and good to catch up with A who found out the day before she came over she is having a baby BOY! I am happy we are both having boys-- just 3 months apart. In other news day that day, I got a pretty nasty grease burn on my right arm that day whole prepping the chicken for dinner that night. I hope it heals and goes away soon, it's pretty ugly. Saturday was a day spent running errands, tying up odds and ends kind of stuff, and hanging out with my husband. It was a good day before Sunday where i had an N family shower and my nephews 4th birthday all in ONE day. It was exhausting, but nice to see everyone. We got some good stuff, but we still have quite a few essentials to purchase before we can call the baby room complete. In fact, it's still far from. My favorite gift was the INCREDIBLE rocker/glider my mother-in-law bought us. In fact, it's SOOO comfortable and so awesome!!! It's all put together and i love just hanging out in it. It's something we will keep forever i know. She also bought me some maternity clothes, some baby clothes and few other small things... i feel so spoiled sometimes and lucky to have a mother-in-law that makes me feel so special and loved. It was a good weekend, and a busy start to the work week.

The baby is getting bigger and bigger every day, in fact his movement are very intense now. We are getting closer and closer to the name, although the labor day is getting more and more real to me. I don't want time to speed up, although the last 6 weeks i know will fly. I cant believe we only have 6 weeks left as only 2 of us at home. It's still seems strange and abstract to think about, even though we are so busy getting ready for his arrival. There is still a part of me that still seems surreal. I still cant believe i feel that way, because some days i am so ready to be done with pregnancy. It's like my back pain has a new flavor of every day. And now my internal temperature gauge is no longer calibrated... and when i feel hot i feel kinda sick. I do get a lot of attention from onlooker now, servers at restaurants, and just friendly comments in general. Matt's family made me feel really good on Sunday by being so complimentary about my 'little basketball in front me'... even thought i feel that couldn't be further from the case. I don't anticipate anything getting any easier from this point forward, but at least the there is little time left and i need to enjoy it as i can never get this time back.

Shower number 2

2011-10-17T09:31:00.000-04:00

This weekend Matt and I were home in C-town for a baby shower thrown by my mom.... It was a really nice turnout, lots of family came, some close family friends, my best friend, my sister flew in, even the one HS friend I still managed to stay in touch with. It was really nice, and the food from Bravo was absolutely delicious! I am still so touched by the generosity of some of those closest to me, especially those not related to me but very close to my immediate family. I still cant believe it, and the same held true when we got married. I guess we are really loved:)

It was also really nice that my cousin C, drove up from Dayton to attend when i literally had ZERO expectations for people out of town to make the trip. It was nice to catch up with the family on the G side, considering i rarely seem them as much now that Grandma is gone. They are all so excited for me, and so supportive, and full of compliments. It really made me feel good, especially when my self esteem hasn't been the highest. My favorite moment was this one, and I just looked at my cousin;s blog-- and she recorded it (which seems unbelievably sweet, too). It's me opening the present my Aunt A got me, a baby blanket. But not just any baby blanket, a blanket made by my Grandma. The card said she made some baby blankets specifically for her grand kids to have when we have babies and this was one of them. When i look at the video i start tearing up. And it was one of those moments when i looked around i saw everyone was tearing up. Even some that arent on that side of the family. What a profound impact that women had on us, and it makes me sad thinking that she has this planned before she passed. She is dearly missed, and her presence can still be felt by everyone in moments like this one...:

Friday, FINALLY.

2011-10-14T15:14:00.000-04:00

I've been away for a little bit as I slowly wade through the craziness at work. But IT"S FRIDAY! And i am in a good mood, the sun in shining, I have things wrapped up here for the weekend, I had some good conversations today with my coworkers G and L, had a great dinner last night with CV and J, and had the BEST surprise EVER at our front door yesterday when we got home. V and T from Chicago sent us PORTILLOS Chicago Style Italian roast beef!! And yes, you may think that is weird, but ever since we went to their wedding back in March Matt COULD NOT stop talking about the roast beef sandwich he had. And it was even more amazing that they thought of us and REMEMBERED how much he loved it. They had a little note saying something along the lines of enjoying this 'home stretch.' INCREDIBLE friends we have. Just made me so happy!

Don't have much time to write, but here is a picture at Matt's friends wedding last weekend. Here we are, 31 weeks along. Just a few more!!! And we are getting close to picking a name-- lots of good things happening. More soon!

My weekend

2011-09-27T14:32:00.000-04:00

So here am I am sitting at my desk, right about the enter the super busy time of the year... YEAR END. And i cant help but smile when i think about how great my weekend was. It started off a little rocky when i had a doctor's appointment on Friday and realized i gained over 20 lbs already. YIKES. That was a bit of a sticker shock, considering i haven't had a month yet where i have gained over 5 lbs and here i am with a 8lbs gain . That's 2 lbs away from 10 lbs in ONE month! welp. But i am trying to be ok with it. And i say that right after i just popped a few pieces of candy in my mouth.

Anyway, after the appointment I met up with a few old friends. LL (who just got married and i went to HS and grade school with) BUT also went to UD who was visiting her old roommates that i was also friends with. One who lived right across the hall from me sophomore year and right down the hall from me freshmen year, JC. Also saw MS who is amazingly sweet. I saw her at LL's wedding last month for the first time in over a year and when she saw me this time she brought me a little baby present! I couldn't believe it, people like that are gem's in the world. The entire afternoon was filled with laughing, catching up, tons of loove. They are such good people, so supporting, AND so caring. You cant help but feel good to be around people like that.

Friday night we went up to Dayton to Chappy's bar to send off my friend JS who is going on a civilain deployment assignment in Iraq and Afghanistan for 6 months. It was fun to catch up with more old friends who came in to town to see him off, and just hang out. It was such a good day, and i couldn't wait to wake up for Saturday because that is the couples shower J and S were throwing for us. It was SO nice and everyone who came (and there were quite a few) really meant a lot to us. We invited only friends so no family were invited and kept it a little smaller. I was blown away by the thoughtfulness and generosity of some of our friends. In fact, i am still in awe of it all. And i need to remember these times when i feel down, because we have SO many good people all around us. We are so blessed. After the shower, we hung out at the bar with A, J, S, J and Matt while we waited for S's husband to come pick her up. It was relaxed and it felt good, I wish some of these great friends of ours didnt live in Dayton but in the same city as matt and I.

We didnt do anything exciting or eventful the rest of the weekend, but the weather was beautiful! It was upper 70s, no humidity and SUNNY! It was gorgeous, and it just put us in a great mood. We ran some errands and went on a walk with Odie, relaxed the rest of the weekend. It was so nice. Yesterday was our 2nd anniversary and we celebrated by going to Carlos and Johnny's for a great steak dinner.

This week is moving along slowly, the weather is grey and cooler, and it feels like the season has officially changed. But even through all the gloominess outside, we have enough sunshine to last us for a little while. And we are getting closer to the big day when we get to meet the little guy.

MS, Me, LL, JC and AG at Starbucks

Reason ten billion and one

2011-09-19T16:32:00.000-04:00

I don't have much time to update or write, but I just cant reiterate on here how much I love my husband. He is always so loving and kind to me, and always knows how to make me feel better. While we were waiting in line to get our lunch this afternoon, I don't know what i said but he told me he was thinking last night before he went to sleep that he just loves me so much and wishes he could spend a million years with me. I felt like tearing up because I know the feeling.

I am so lucky.

Until next time....

The Balancing Act: Work vs Family

2011-09-16T10:11:00.000-04:00

Today I spent a couple hours at Leadership Development Event for the higher graded DoE employees who are women. It was a panel discussion for Women in the Senior Executive Service (SES)- which are the highest leadership positions within the federal government. It was really interesting and it gave me a lot to think about regarding the balancing act between being a working mom and building my career, and being a family mom and shelving all those ideologies.

It really is a struggle to think about- especially now for the a little guy on the way. The ideas really never came into my mind until now. I have always thought i'd work hard, make a good amount of money, and live a successful life. Especially going through the MBA program at UD it is one heck of a male dominated, COMPETITIVE environment. It's very dog eat dog and the best rise to the top. You worked hard for you A's, and you knew the handful of others in the 'A group' because the rest weren't as competitive nor did they do the time.  That lends well with a new and young professional entering the workforce. I was confident and competitive when i got to my job 5 years ago. In fact, i was motivated and energized by my boss who really believes in me. She was my champion and threw me into all kinds of projects i knew NOTHING about but got my name out there. And i am thankful for that, because i am doing pretty well right now.

So now what is next for me? I know I wont be in this position forever. It's not good for me professionally to stay in one place, but does that means it's also not good for me personally? These women in the SES (Senior Executive Service) make a lot of money, but put in a lot of time... and are also the most likely to be asked to move around both organizationally and geographically.    You need to work hard to apply and be accepted into one of the positions, but is the reward worth it?

One of the panelist talked about passion at work and putting in long days. Lately i have been feeling a little passionless at work, i look forward to getting home and hanging out with my husband, friends and family. I look forward to weekends filled with fun activities. These women didnt really talk about their home lives, in fact many worked a lot of weekends. Only one spoke of her children and how she couldn't do it all without her support network of neighbors, family, and friends.   Prioritizing is critical-- and that keeping a clean house and having a home cooked meal is NOT a priority.   But how do you figure out what your priorities are? And then where do you find what passion (work or home) is more important?

Do I feel the way i feel because I didn't have a working mom a lot of my childhood? I wonder if my perspective would be different. I talked to my boss about it briefly whose mom worked when she was growing up. She is also very successful right now, does that mean if i worked through most of my kid's growing up it would be hard but that they would have two role models for hard work and dedication. What is the right choice?

This never seemed to be an issue twenty years ago. Women were not generally in the workforce. And even now, this issue really only applies to women. Even though we are much more prevelant in executive positions, it is only women who need to take time off to have children. Some women decide having children is not as important as having a successful career and make the choice as ONE or the other. Why is that the case? This doesn't seem fair either.

I guess I dont know if i will ever solve the answer here on this little blog of mine... but it is something i have thought a lot about as we are now starting a family. My paradigm has definitely shifted from the 'Work Hard- Play Hard LATER' mentality. I do want to be around my kids a lot of the time, i just have to figure out how that jives with my job. Or if i will always have a job..... I just dont know. How do you figure it all out? I just don't think there is a balance, i don't know if you can have both. Or can you? There is no need to play super women, no one can do it all.... but how much can you really do and still feel fulfilled and satisfied? Rarely have i heard a dedicated mother talk about how unsatisfied she is though....

Just something to think about....

Dear Baby (entry 1)

2011-09-12T10:15:00.002-04:00

Dear Baby,

I cant believe how big you are getting inside that belly of mine. And I still cant believe how fast these months have gone since you were just a little glimmer in our eyes. Your official due date was exactly 3 months from this past Saturday, but I have a little feeling you are as anxious to meet us as we are to meet you that you will be making your arrival a few days early.

We have some names picked out for you, so far the top runners are Michael (Mike), Christopher (Chris), and Nicholas (Nick).... well, those are the names your dad and I could agree on together. Even though my list was a little bit longer. Who knows when we will officially decide, but we hope you like whatever name we pick. We want it to sound strong and successful like we know you will be.

You have been one ACTIVE little fella these past few months that i have been able to feel you. I cant quite figure your schedule out, but i feel you all the time during the day. You haven't really given me any trouble, you seem to be in a good position, although sometimes i wish you would move down a bit because i have a hard time breathing sometimes. And sometimes you give me indigestion.... but hey, as long as you are comfortable I think i can handle it. I know you really like going on walks and exercising, you go ot sleep really quickly during those times. I hope the same tricks apply when you are outside. I also haven't discovered if you like some foods or others based on what i have been eating and your level or movement. I have been eating a lot of fruits (grapes, strawberries, nectarines, etc) almost daily so i hope you like those. I also each s good amount of raw veggies daily (like carrots and tomatoes) so i hope you have grown some fondness to those as well. I just want you to be healthy and strong when you grow up. I did eat quite a bit of pasta when i was in Italy a couple weeks ago-- so either you will love it or hate it with the lack of variety those days. I apologize for that.

We are still getting ready for you and acquiring items so you are comfortable when you come home. We want you to feel comfortable, safe and warm... and of course VERY loved. Your big brother Odie is also very anxious to meet you, although he will probably want to lick you all over. I think you two will love each other a lot as you grow up. You have a lot too forward to in the next 3 months!

I cant wait to see what's in store for you and us, i am am trying to savor this time before you arrive because i know you will change a lot of things for us. For the better, of course... but lots of changes. You dad cant wait, he tells me ALL the time. He talks to you too, although he gets really close and it probably sounds loud. He says he loves you every day. Keep on growing in there, see you in a few more weeks!!

Love,
Mommy

The 27 week update

2011-09-12T09:57:00.001-04:00

So last week was a brief peak in the Fall with temperatures in the 60s and low 70s, it seemed like so much has happened since i last updated. I went to Italy a couple weeks ago on vacation and it was really nice and relaxing. It was hot and we did LOTS of walking-- and that was nice-- but also ate SO.MUCH.PASTA! Delicious, o yes, but SO MUCH!! It's nice to be back to the comforts of American fair and routine. Even though work is tiring lately.

Not much has happened in the week i have been back, just catching up with people and trying to get ready for baby. I went shopping and dinner with E last week and loved every second of it. I didnt buy anything but it was good time spent. And her MOM made us a baby blanket made with blue, sparkly silver, yellow and white yarn. My favorite colors. AND it was HAND MADE!! It was insanely thoughtful, i am still tickled by it when i think about it. We also caught up with B & A for A 30th birthday party, and the N's since Matt's dad was in China last week as well. Tonight I am going to the Reds game with J & A, to make it feel like summer again compared to last week. It was a busy and quick week last week, today is the first full week back and it's feel a little daunting.

At 27 weeks the baby's arrival seems ever so close!! Our first shower is just a couple weeks away! We made a big purchase on Friday night and bought our crib and that made it feel EVEN closer. When we went to buy it was realized it was on back order for 9-12 weeks, and the crazy part-- THAT IS TOO MUCH TIME TO WAIT!! Luckily there was one still in stock in the Lexington store so it was moved to the one in Mason and we just need to pick it up. WE also need to move some furniture out of the office and start searching for a dresser and a changing table (both of which i am way less picky about) but get them together and upstairs. Then it will really start feeling real when i walk passed the nursery every day. And every day Matt and i both tell each other how much we CANNOT wait to meet this little guy! I know it's bad to wish time away, but it sure it flying!!

Good weekend and Update

2011-08-22T15:07:00.001-04:00

I cant believe we are practically in the doorway of September! We are almost within 3 months of my due date, TIME is going by so quickly!! It's the last three months as a family of two, and gosh we cant wait to meet this little guy! This past weekend at our friends J and S's couple shower really got us looking forward to what's to come for us. Although it did make me feel a little ill-prepared considering S really has it together. And everything is all set up in their nursery and they have practically everything they need. And the due date is only ONE month ahead of mine. But i know we will get it done, i just don't like stressing about it.

We did go to BuyBuyBaby this weekend to look at furniture-- they are INCREDIBLY helpful in that store. Way more helpful than Babies R Us, but the selection can feel overwhelming to some. On the other hand the sales people are so knowledgeable about their products and can answer just about any question you throw at them. And their customer service is impeccable. They are associated with BedBath&Beyond, so that gives you a little indication. We didn't want to register there because i think there are only 2 locations in Ohio, and that makes it a little difficult since all of our family and friends are spread ALL over the state. But we did pick out a crib that we both really liked, that had good reviews, and the sales person who helped us gave us good input to make us feel informed about our choice. Now we just need to find changing table and a dresser (that will look good together). O ya, and actually purchase the crib. I hope we do that right after we get back vacation.

I am sad to see this weekend come and go, but it was filled with all kinds of highlights! And a few little things that made me feel really loved (and made the baby feel really loved!). So in no particular order:

Getting an email from my boss on Friday night with a list of names from her two SONS that they brainstormed for possible baby boy names. ( I LOVE getting this kind of stuff!)
Seeing S so cute and pregnant this weekend, and getting all kinds of excitement from our friends at the shower this weekend.
Opening a present from S this weekend congratulating me on Baby BOY with a really cool gadget in there. a Bib drying rack (an invention from a friend/SAHM/engineer) some bibs, a cute little onsie and a candy bar
Seeing E this weekend and catching up with her. It's nice that she always makes time for me, she is such a good friend. And she surprised me with a bunch of cute little baby boy newborn outfits! The first outfits for the little guy, and they are all ADORABLE! It was SO sweet and SOO generous!
Getting as little gift wrapped present from my boss in blue tissue paper with 2 books inside it. Two books that she loved and read to her two sons. One is even about having a little boy. I thought the gesture was so incredibly thoughtful. I love those kinds of things, and it was really sweet she thought of me.
Having help from CV and CB this weekend as Matt starting re-doing almost all of our flower beds. And CV was incredible, he got us plants for cost from JJ and even delivered them to our house AND spent like 7 hours at our house yesterday pulling up our beds and helping us plant.

We have some amazing friends! And it seems like i am getting exciting news about more of them having babies right now, and how fun will it be to have them all grow up together! There is so much in store for us, cant wait to see!

The first Baby surprise

2011-08-17T09:28:00.000-04:00

I guess the one thing about having kids are all the surprises that come with the package. I guess i just thought about this, that as they grow older they are continuously surprising you with what they know and what they can do. It's probably one heck of a journey! But now that i write that, the first surprise came on Monday when we had our 20 week anatomy scan *although, it was 23 weeks+ for us* and we found out if the little person inside of me is a little girl or a little boy.... and the surprise is....

A BOY!

I definitely was surprised! My coworker Jon told me NOT to find out, that is all part of the fun and anticipation. But really, it's just one of the many surprises that we get to have. And the day that the baby comes is an entirely great surprise all in itself... so why NOT get an additional day of surprise out of the experience? I was thinking it was girl, but i guess subconsciously expecting a boy... if that makes sense. Maybe because growing up there were a lot of girls around, my parent's friend's kids were mostly girls... i have more girl cousins than boy cousins.... the list goes on. But Matt comes from a long line of the exact opposite. But the cards fell and the verdict was a baby boy. The more i think about it, i think it's great to have at least one boy in the family. I always wanted an older brother-- and i think the oldest child has personality characteristics (generally speaking) that might fit better with a boy. Plus, I cant wait to go to baseball games or soccer games, whatever sporting events that come out way. Maybe this kiddo will play HS football, who doesn't love going to HS football games? I know we have lots of new and fun experiences ahead of us.

I am also happy to know that my friend S is also expecting a baby boy on month before us-- so it's fun we already know the kiddo has some friends. Matt's cousin is expecting a little one in March, and our friends B and A are also expecting in March-- i hope they have boys too!
I guess it's time to bring on the BLUE!!!

There are the good days, and then there are the bad

2011-08-09T08:40:00.001-04:00

Today started off as a bad day..... And yes, those days usually fall far between to the good days. But the bad ones sure are a struggle. We had a perfectly nice evening last night, we met our friends J and D for dinner at Brazenhead in Mason and had a nice night with them. We drove back in some bad storms but it was still a good night. Then i went to bed and i haven't been able to click back into gear since. I woke up around 2am- of course, having to go to the bathroom, i went downstairs to get a snack and a drink then go right back to sleep. But I couldn't fall back asleep. I wasn't uncomfortable, i just had severe insomnia. I couldnt turn off my brain. I was thinking about the baby's room, and where to re-arrange all oue stuff in our small house. I was thinking about all the things we need to do. I was thinking that i didn't like it how i have to ask my husband to things he doesn't take initiative by himself. I was thinking about how i dont like my body image right now. I dont feel like a cute pregnant person, i just feel big. I am not so happy in my job right but but i feel stuck. I go to work the clock seems to tick by, i haven't felt happy and fulfilled at work in a long time. I didnt want to go into the office today. I took a really long shower last night and all i was doing was stewing about how i am doing an accountants job for one item on my plate and that i am sick of being a good performer. Why don't people do their jobs? It doesn't make me happy to think of these things.

And when i woke up this morning, Matt hadn't cleaned up the living room that i JUST cleaned up and dusted and vacuumed 24 hours before. He had papers and stuff all over the place for the tractor stuff he has been working on last night. AND i specifically asked him before i went to bed if he couldn't straighten everything back up before he went to bed. Then i proceeded to ask him about the nursery and tell him what i was thinking to re-arrange and he wanted nothing to do with it. But i have been thinking about it for the last 2 hours in the middle of the night. He wanted to leave the office and combine it with our guest room. And we have NO room anywhere. We need to ditch the office and just have a guest room. So then we got into a HUGE argument in the car about how i don't want a filing cabinet and our useless printer in our guest room. And i just said, fine, Ill do everything myself since all he does is road block and offer no advice. I am still upset about it. WE have no room in our house! I don't know where we are going to put everything. Our bedrooms are so small. I am stressed thinking about it, and it's putting back into a slump writing about it. I don't know what to do.

Today is a struggle for me. And it doesn't help that i have back to back two-hour meetings from 9am until 1pm today... when i usually eat lunch around 11:30. I know i will be tired and hungry. I am tired already this morning, SO tired actually. How will i muster through the rest of the day with this mentality and feeling like this. On top of feeling not so great about myself in general right now. Today is a hard day.
I can only hope that tomorrow is better.

It has to be.

Quick update and SHARK WEEK!

2011-08-05T15:35:00.000-04:00

It's been a busy week but i don't feel like i have much to show for it. It seemed to go fast though and that is always nice. I had some good walks with Matt this week after work and even ate some delicious new meals from the book What to Expect When You're Expecting: Eating Well When Your Expecting. There aren't a ton of recipes in there, but there is enough variety that you can fill a week or a few days with interesting recipes. Matt really liked what we had on Wednesday, i cant remember the entire recipe but basically it was:
Cook chicken breasts sliced.
In a pan cook tomatoes, shallots, garlic, and spinach until soft. Add back in the chicken. Then boil some rotini (whole wheat or reduced carbs pasta) and add some mozzarella and Parmesan to the pasta after its cooked and drained. Then mixed everything together. You wonder where the sauce is, but you don't need it. O ya, and top off witha little salt and pepper and lemon zest-- the entire meal is packed with delicious flavor! Matt loved it.

Another highlight this week is that it is SHARK WEEK! One of my most favorite weeks of the year!! I love that matt and i watch together most nights, every show is SO good! For some reason i thought last year had more new shows instead of just a new one at 9pm (and sometimes 10pm), but i still re-watched the shows ive seen already. I love sharks!

This weekend we are having dinner with B & A tonight. I am excited to see them, A just found out she is expecting and i know she has been trying for a while. I am excited to share this experience with her. It will be fun tonight! Saturday we have a wedding to go to, and Sunday hopefully Matt and I can be productive. There are a bunch of big items we need to purchase in the coming months that we are saving for. Among the big items include: A new (or used) SUV for Matt, bedroom dresser, nursery furniture. This stuff can add up. It would be nice to purchase some of these items before we actually NEED them, to reduce the outflow of cash all at once. But we'll see how it goes!

Thank gosh it's Friday! More next week!

A post about the HEAT and a a Mid-way point update!

2011-07-22T15:20:00.001-04:00

It's Friday and i am not very motivated today at work, i am so ready to get home and start the weekend! Not that i have anything particularly fun planned tonight, actually this is one day for next few weeks that i actually DONT have anything planned. I am looking forward to working out, cleaning up around the house a bit, relaxing.... it's going to be nice and quiet. Matt is going to the Reds game tonight with some friends.

So let me just write for a minute or two about this HEAT we have been experiencing. And it's not just hot out there, it is Holy-Crap-This-Is-Just-A-Few-Degree's-Cooler-Than-Hell HEAT! I cant believe how long the high temperatures have lasted-- almost the entire week. It;s odd to drive to work at 7am and see the the temp is already in the mid-80's. It;s been well into the hundreds the last few days and there is no end in sight for the next few days. And it;s been SO humid! My sunglasses fog up when i walk outside. AND the LACK of WIND! It seriously feels like walking into a world size sauna every time you open a door. Odie wants to walk with me a lot of nights-- well, basically every night he runs to his leash and looks at me-- but it's too hot for the fury wearing extra layers. It would take him forever to cool down. Poor little guy. Hopefully next week will be better.

*******

So tomorrow marks the 20 week point in my pregnancy. I can hardly believe it. And if feel compelled to post about it because it's the unofficial/official half way point. The only one who really knows is the little 10.6oz nugget inside my belly. And gosh we cant wait to meet him or her! I want to try to post a little more often during this time because i want to catalogue it and and remember it. It's just a brief time, and then everything changes and i forget what this baby free time in my life was like as we get ready. So I guess ill start with the low lights so i can end on the highlights:

LOW LIGHTS

- The weight gain. The not realizing or knowing where the excess weight is going but just hoping it;s mostly baby and it can be lost at the end of this. That leads into another low light-- hearing about people training for running events or their work out routines and weight loss. I dont want to hear about it. I know it's great for you if you are losing weight and doing healthy things-- but this is not the time in my life where i can hear about it be excited. Because my self image is not exactly the highest AND i cant do a think about it.

- back pain i had a few weeks ago. It's strange how now that i am bigger i am feeling better. At the beginning of the month i couldn't WAIT to see my doctor soon enough to ask questions and figure out how to help myself with out the intervention of drugs. But i have continued to stay active and low and behold it has sort of gone away. And by gone away, i mean the pain is not NEARLY at the discomfort level that it was before. Lets see how this second half goes...

-Having to buy a new wardrobe. O those weeks where i would have to get up in the morning 10 minutes early just to try on half my closet to see what work attire looks appropriate and fits. And the expenses that have nothing to do with baby. But i am coming around the idea of investing in it since i know i will have more babies (hopefully) so i can just re-wear all this stuff. Including my bra-- that wasn't cheap-- but i couldn't go another 4 months without getting.

- The hormone changes at this stage in my pregnancy. * i will write about the first stage in my highlights *. I don't like feeling irritable or impatient some of the time. I feel like this isn't me by some of things i say. My husband is a saint for trying his hardest to not be mad at me for every little thing i say and do.

- The restricted diet. Or more specifically, not being able to eat lunch meet and certain cheeses. Sometimes i just crave a turkey sandwich or a salad with turkey on it. Especially at lunch-- and usually turkey is healthy and good for you. So having to constantly make substitutes makes it pretty hard.

- The extra worrying that takes place when you are doing everything for two. Eating right, being careful, worrying about development, all those things. I am used to just worrying about me.... boy have things changed.

AND NOW THE HIGHLIGHTS:

- Watching how happy my husband it. Seeing how excited he gets about my belly and how much he says he cant wait for the baby. It makes me excited for him to be able to feel the baby too-- i know he will just love it.

- Feeling the baby move for the first time and realizing that there REALLY IS a living person growing in there. And then it makes me excited to meet him or her!

- Thinking about the future, thinking about what this Christmas will be like and all the future Christmas's we have to look forward to.

- I love hearing about how excited my family and in-laws are. Every time we see them they just give us so much attention about how excited they are about the baby. Matt's whole family just loves kids so i know family parties will be great. It will be fun to have all my nephews around the same age too.

-I am excited to be able to pick out baby clothes, some stuff is just SO cute.

- This week-- more than any other week so far-- people at work are starting to ask me if i am pregnant or congratulate me. Maybe it all started because i had to get up in front of a lot of people and give a presentation that people noticed, but i guess i am showing enough that coworkers that weren't there for that are asking. And asking me questions and showing genuine interest.

- I love my friends J and S who are planning a shower for me. It just tickles me pink that they are doing that for me.

- I love how the first part of my pregnancy i was relatively level headed and didn't have a lot of mood swings. I thought it did great things in that department. I think my first tri was so easy becausee i didn't have morning sickness and the worse of it was feeling tired. Now i have my energy back and i have been feeling great. I am not too big and uncomfortable yet-- i wish the rest of pregnancy would feel like this!

- I love brainstorming names-- as overwhelming as i seem to make it in my head-- i just cant wait to finally decide on a GREAT name!

There are so many more highlights than there are low lights, and i know i am forgetting a few. Probably more than a few. It's hard to believe how quickly it's all going. I feel like December will be here before i know it. Time doesn't slow down it only gets faster it seems. But i need to slow down and smell the flowers as much as I can.

This is a song i had put on on here two years ago around this time and i loved it. I feel it's appropriate here too.

Hot weather, good weekend

2011-07-18T09:05:00.000-04:00

So alas, Monday always comes back around again. My weekend was nice, relaxing, AND productive.
Matt took some time off with me last Friday and we went to my Monthly doctor's visit. The visit was good, we didnt learn anything major. We got to hear the heartbeat again, this little nugget is ACTIVE. I scheduled my next appointment AND the level 2 ultra sound AND the fetal echocariogram (sp?). The ultrasound is the appointment when we get to found out if little Nugget is a boy or a girl! I was told we could do if after this last appointment, and now i have to wait an entire month now to find out. It just feels like FOREVER! But hopefully it goes fast. This is the thing i am MOST looking forward too:)

The rest of the weekend was nice, Friday night we drove up to Dayton to hear my friend, J's, band play. Buddah and the Boogie Down-- they play rock songs and were quite good, It was also another friend, j's birthday so it was good we made it up there to see them. Saturday morning Matt and I drove to Loveland to take a photography class from this guy. It was 3 hours and i learned SO much about my new DSLR camera. I cant wait to get out and start playing with it. I recommend this guy in the cinci area, he is VERy knowledgeable, but also down to earth and personable. I learned a lot.

The rest of the weekend we spent a lot of time hanging out with Matt's parents and swimming in their pool. I got to spend a some time with my sister-in-law, hang out with my nephews, relax a little bit. It's always nice to have free time. We also got some goodwill written off this weekend and got the week's grocery shopping taken care of. It was the perfect mix of productivity AND relaxation.

In other exciting news, this week was the first week that i felt the baby kick. It's the weirdest feeling, but i love it!! Sometimes when i didn't realize what i was feeling i would scratch by belly, but then i remember it's our little babe. This little one is busy!! I feel 'him' a lot when i am just sitting in the car because there isn't much to do. But i have been feeling the babe a lot lately, we think he/she is out little Olympian swimming around in their training for the 2028 games. Cant wait to find out if the swimmer is a boy a girl, cant wait to meet him or her!! Almost half way there!!

Happy things this week

2011-07-14T16:32:00.000-04:00

Since i never have much time for updates, but I at least want to jot down those few things that have made me REALLY happy this week- or well, the since the last post--

In no particular order:

Seeing S and J last night for pizza and getting a big surprise from S with a HUGE bag of maternity tops. She must be telepathic or something, but they were all SO cute. She got them from her sister or sister-in-law ( I cant remember) and she gave a bunch to me. She is pregnant and she needs clothes too! Ah, just LOVED it. And love how cute and classic everything was.

(Unlike the clothes my co-worker, Sue, has been giving me. She finally said something to me this week after i haven't really made any kind of announcement). She is much older than i am, never had any kids, but has some "fat clothes" that she is giving me. And they are ALL not really my style at all. I dont see myself in any of it. I dont know how to say thanks, but no thanks. But the gesture really is VERY sweet. And considering i never really told her i was expecting, very sweet.

I loved having a birthday this week and getting a little extra attention.

I loved my prenatal massage i got on Monday (my birthday). It was amazing. I got to enjoy a pain free existence for almost 24 full hours. So great.
I also loved the fantastic steak dinner on Saturday
The amazing BBQ after our yard sale with J and C.
And i LOVED going to Teak and being able to eat a few sushi rolls with cooked fish in them.

And MOST of all! I love my AWESOME birthday present from Matt. A brand new Canon DSLR camera!! It incredible. It was a gift i have always wanted and never asked for. Just something that would be SO cool to have and do, but never spent the money. AND we are taking a class on Saturday to learn how to use it. I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO excited!!!

I have a baby appointment tomorrow (after my dentist to fill a cavity (boo) ). Looking forward to it SO much. I have a bunch of questions. And that means my NEXT appointment this month is the BIG ONE!

Happy Friday

2011-07-08T10:10:00.000-04:00

It's been a good short week, and the 4th of July weekend was very enjoyable. Got to see my family, go to the reds/indains game, go to not one- but TWO cookouts and eat delicious foods, see Matt's entire family, hangout with friends, and even get some stuff done around the house. The weekend always seems to blow by, but it's been a really nice week. Since it's Friday- and even though it's raining-- id thought i would post a few things that have made me very happy happy recently.
So here goes-- this week-- in chronological order!

Last Friday i was cleaning stuff up around the house and i went to get the mail and i noticed a few letters and stuff that fell through our mail slot and was on the floor. One was a card like envelope and noticed it was post marked a week before. I was out of town and felt a little worried that i never acknowledged this since its was a week late. But i opened it and it was a card from my old college roommate T, who i have gotten a little less close so since she moved away. There was a few years where i felt like we didn't have much of a friendship really, but things are slowly coming back together in the last year or so. Anyway, she sent me a sweet congratulatory baby card AND a $20 dollar baby gift card to Target to help with the baby shopping. I was sooooooo touched! Honestly, even getting a card to say congratulations was so sweet to me. But a gift card too, it just seemed so beyond thoughtful. It makes me happy just to think about it.
When my parents came to visit last weekend my mom brought me stuff in a little bag. First she got me a cute little peasant dress so i can have another outfit that is comfortable AND fits. Since i wear the same 6 outfits over and over again. She also bought me a elastic, but pretty, ring to use in place of my wedding and engagement bands as my hands are ever so slowly swelling. Every week they get a little tighter. And in the heat outside, they are practically sealed on my finger. It's really pretty and REALLY comfortable. AND it will definitely be nice to wear something to show i am married when i cant wear my rings anymore. But the thing that REALLY got me, she brought me a gold chain with a pendant on it that said "Baby" with a down arrow. My dad got it for my mom when she was pregnant the first time and wore it when she was having me. I LOVE it. Probably one of my most treasured gifts. Just because it has a history and it's from my dad to my mom and to me. I love it. And the chain is so pretty, i just cant get over how much i love it.
This week i told my good friend F that i was having some lower back pain and i wanted advice since she does Yoga. Well she asked her yoga instructor and called me that night to give me some good options to stretches and even looked up places near by my house that have prenatal yoga classes. She just so above and beyond, and really made me feel cared about.
Yesterday when i got home from work there was a little gift outside my front door left by F. She dropped off 3 ADORABLE little onsies with a card saying how excited she is for the baby. Honestly, it blew me away. She said she left something, "but it wasn't big." But seriously the gesture is O so big to me. It really, really meant a lot. And she probably has no idea how much i appreciate those things. It really made me happy.
This morning at work today my coworker L brought me some TUMS. And it's very sweet because they know how much i don't like milk and she wants me to have my calcium. It's a small gesture but it shows she cared. In fact, the gestures her and G make at work everyday make me happy. They are so excited about the baby, they ask me all kinds of questions and really show a genuine interest. Really. I don't think they know how much it means to me, but it means the world.
And lastly, for my loving husband that has been giving me massages this week for my back. And taking walks with me when there is time. He has been amazing. And i cant forget the little things.

Although things seem busy at work and sometimes i get worried about things, there always seems to be something right there ready to cheer me up. I cant forget how lucky I am. Here's to another great week!

End of June update

2011-06-27T09:22:00.000-04:00

I cant believe it's the last week in June. Time is FLYING. I haven't been updating my blog much, this is a busy time at work and after work life seems never dull. I don't know where to begin to update since my last post. I guess Ill go a week back. The weekend before last weekend Matt and i grilled out with our friends B, A, and C and utilized our patio set outside. We made kabobs and marinated chicken and streak in a delicious homemade marinade A gave me, and grilled zucchini, squash, mushrooms and peppers (i think?) in another homemade marinade and both turned out delicious. Matt also picked up a few lobster tails on a skewers and those were a big hit. We talked and played games and had a nice evening. I guess last Sunday was also Father's day, so the N's had a combined party with my sister's in laws family and my husbands family and we grilled out and hung out with them for the afternoon. Her family is so nice so it's always enjoyable.

Last week i was in DC for the majority of it. I was in the Office on Monday, Friday and part of the day on Thursday. Thursday I went to a cooking class with A up at Jungle Jim's and had a nice time, but i don't think will make any of the recipes. We made grilled chicken and i didn't think the marinade was all that notable. We also made salad (nothing too notable here), a mayonnaise based potato salad that was just OK, and cornbread. I liked the cornbread but, again, it was nothing i would rave about.

This past weekend was also quite relaxing but busy. Friday night I spent with Matt since i barely saw him at all the week before. We tried a new place in Mt. Lookout Sq called Pera, it was like a Mediterranean restaurant similar to Aladdins. But i think i like Aladdin's better. We got hummus, grape leaves, a Sheppard salad and we split a shish kabob dinner. It was good but it was not a lot of food. We both enjoyed it though. I also made homemade skyline chili on Saturday morning since i am always up a couple hours before Matt is. My best friend gave me the recipe so i was able to make it was the leanest beef i could find. It had all the flavors and spices as you would find at the actual Skyline: Cocoa, cumin, cinnamon, all spice, curry, salt, pepper, a bay leaf. I am sure i forgot a few spices. Matt tried it and loves it. And i don't feel so guilty eating it because i know exactly what went in it. I cant wait for dinner tonight!

So Saturday night we saw B and A again and went to Bonefish for dinner, played put-put, and went out to ice cream at Brusters. Yum! It was a relaxing night i loved it. Sunday was with the N's again, and went to his second cousins grad party our in the boonies. It was fun, the food was good, and it's always fun seeing his fam. All in all, it was a nice weekend. Even got lots of yard work taken care of (although it never seems to end!).

This week we have filled up with lots of Day Care visits. We need to get one picked sooner than later because i have been learning that those near our house are filled up with wait lists. So i have to start now for an early spring slot. It should be interesting, i hope we find one we like. It will make for a busy week.

I am excited for July because it's the month (i hope) we can find out the sex of the baby! gosh, it will be fun to start planning. Then we can actually start registering for stuff. And think about baby's room! Matt is SO excited, he tells me every day- multiple times a day- how much he cant wait to meet the baby. And how much he cant wait for the baby to get her so he can actually start helping me. Since he says he doesn't do much now. Believe it or not he does way more than he thinks. I complain a little bit more than i should; about being tired, not being able to sleep in a comfortable position, my clothes not fitting,... o probably more than i should. He is so supportive. And i know generally speaking this pregnancy so far is a breeze compared to others. I shouldn't complain so much. I do know how much i am... i am so lucky to be married to such a perfect husband.

Cant wait to see what this month will bring. 4 more weeks closer to my due date-- AND the half way point! crazy how quickly time flies!!

Thank gosh it's friday

2011-06-10T16:00:00.000-04:00

What a week! I am so tired today, SOO tired. I stayed up pretty late and didnt get home until 11:15pm since i was at one of my good friend J's dad's Celebration of Life. Her dad who has been struggling with ALS passed away on Friday night/Saturday morning in his sleep. This week was the funeral visitation, and instead of burial ceremony they had a Celebration of Life. Her dad wasn't one for organized religion, although very well educated on the ideas and grew up around it. So they family did it exactly the way he would have wanted it. And i must say it was incredible. People always say they want a party for their funeral and have people enjoy themselves, well this guy pulled it off! They had the celebration a the Wilder Community center with catered food and an open bar, and an overall hugely upbeat atmosphere! Ive never been to anything like it. They had a number of speeches given by close friends and relatives and they were all amazing. I have never seen so many well-spoken people who were able to honor someones life so well. The stories and the laughter in the room was so cool. Of course there were lots of tears, as it's always sad to hear about how much he loved his family and how much he will be missed. But it really was something to remember.

I am glad it's finally Friday, i am ready for some rest this weekend if nothing else. We have some yard work to get done and we are meeting my parents in Columbus for dinner on Saturday night. Not sure what else we will do, it's supposed to be cooler and nice this weekend so hopefully i can get out to walk and enjoy it. I haven't had much time to exercise this week, or well, really the last couple weeks. And will be out of town for work again in about a week. Hopefully this is the last trip for a while.

No baby updates to tell this week, other than more people are learning about the news. We told some college friends last week at my good friend, F', cookout last weekend. They were nice, but not really that excited for me. Well, at least that's how it felt. But i am not going to over analyze that situation, it just isnt worth the time anymore. I am telling a few more co-workers these days, they have been great about it. I am not really sure how much longer i can hide it, i feel my clothes getting so tight which makes me think the secret has to come out soon.

That's all for now. Until next time!

My weekend, my week, my night and my dinner.

2011-06-01T09:05:00.000-04:00

Yesterday i was feeling pretty grumbly and bloated all day, i haven't been eating all that well the last few days, and my clothes are definitely feeling tighter and tighter. It was an OK day but it really ended up being one of the better week days. I went into the office at 7am with Matt because he had to be in early, and we got to leave work at 4 and that felt SO early. We had tons of time to do stuff after work. We dropped the car off for service, we went to the grocery, and i made an absolutely yummy and healthy meal. I make cooked turkey sandwiches with pesto, arugula, and avocado, and a summer salad with cucumbers, tomatoes and onions with Italian dressing. It was so yummy and healthy. I am making another healthier dinner tonight, and hoping i can keep up the healthy eating habits. It felt good, and matt and I even walked before bed last night... something i need to start doing more of.

This weekend i definitely fell off the healthy wagon, but it was a GREAT weekend to make up for it. Memorial Day weekend always seems good, it's seems to have been good every year.... at least that is what my memory is telling me right now. Saturday we had a wedding in Dayton for two of our favorite friends-- who were marrying each other-- so it was a VERY happy day. Plus, we got to see tons of great friends all in one place. We started telling people about new baby N and when people saw us this weekend they were UNBELIEVABLY happy! In fact, they were amazing, and i am so blessed to have great friends! The rest of the weekend wasn't too shabby either; on Sunday we had brunch at the hotel and talked to our friends a little while, then headed back and hung out with matt's parents for a little while, grabbed some lunch and were very productive in the yard. We went to the grocery, and make a dish for the part on Sunday, and enjoyed a late dinner together at ichiban. Monday we got up and basically headed straight over to matt's parents for the party and spend the entire day there. It was hot and sunny and spent lots of time by the pool, it was fun catching up with his family who are always great. Got home around 8ish and grabbed some Wendy's (which non-pregnant me would have NEVER done) and enjoyed a relaxing evening before bed. It was a great weekend, and so far this week hasn't been bad either.

Thursday i am taking a class at Good Sam hospital about being healthy during pregnancy, i am nervous and excited. Nervous because hospitals are big and i always seem to get lost, but excited because i am hoping to learn a few good things. Then this weekend i am in town and have another cookout on Saturday with my cinci friends. I am happy to be in town most of this month (with the exception of next saturday), and it feels good to finally be able to plan things without always being on the go.

Yesterday i made my first maternity purchase online, which kind of scares me, i don't like buying online generally. But this constant 90 plus degree heat pushed me over the edge and I bought a swimsuit. I cant wait for it to come, i cant wait to go swimming. I am happy for summer to be here, the LAST summer pre-baby... i am definitely looking forward to enjoying it!

Here is a pic of my purchase.

Until next time!....

A rather revealing update

2011-05-27T12:09:00.001-04:00

So it's been a long time secret, or well, at least it feels like it's been an incredibly long time. Over eight weeks, and last week the doctor said the world can finally know.... I am pregnant! Yep, almost 12 weeks this weekend which means almost out of hte first trimester. Last week on Friday i had my first ultrasound and the doctor said i am out of the woods as far as risks of miscarrying or bad complications, so we are slowly telling the world. A lot of my extended family doesn't know yet, and gobs of my friends don't know although a few of the closest new when i found out. I told my boss on Monday before i went on a business trip this week and she was insanely supportive. I have an incredible boss. My family and Matt's family both know and they are really excited, in fact incredibly supportive and that makes the process a rather enjoyable one. Although sometimes scary and disbelieving, but it's definitely been a trip. And to think i still have two more trimesters to go.

It feels a little weird writing about it, it feels weird telling people in general since it's been such a huge secret. In fact, when i tell people i barely understand the words coming out of my mouth since Ive been trying to hide when it's a HUGE part of what i think about every day. I told a couple co-workers on Monday and they were UNBELIEVABLY amazing. In fact, they made me feel so good and accepted and supported, i don't think they will ever know how they made me feel. None of my college friends know, not sure when they will find out. It's kind of sad that they were such a big part of my life and now in this life changing part they have no idea. It's weird to think about. But that's the crazy thing about this world and the short time we have on it, you can never predict what's in store for us.

But this year will be full of changes that is for sure. My due date by the calendar is December 10th, but in my last ultrasound the doctor said the baby looked a little small so i have another scan today to get a better idea of the baby's age and due date. I cant wait! I am worried it will be too close to Christmas, but whatever date they give me the little nugget when come whenever it's ready to come no matter what.

It's crazy to think about how much my life will change in just a few short month. It's going to be weird to look back on these days and try to think about how life was without this little person, but we cant wait. Slowly people will start finding out, its fun to hear the reactions. I haven't made any kind of public announcement about it, maybe next week or so, but things are changing.....

Things are definitely changing.....

Quick, SHORT, post

2011-05-18T16:30:00.000-04:00

Well the one thing slacking in my life, besides my workout routine and my diet, is THIS BLOG. Man i have been bad about writing. And it's definitely not because I have nothing to say, THERE IS A LOT to say. Just cant say it all write now, and i dont have any time. Without going into details, a few highlights of hte last few weeks include a great relaxing vacation, emily's wedding, seeing by best friend, some quality time with Matt, seeing something borrowed with the girls, and sleeping a LOT. Here;'s a couple pictures to pass the time...

Wednesday morning RANT

2011-04-27T08:29:00.001-04:00

MOST days, i say in the most strenious tone, mooost days i like cincinnati. BUT lately i am HATING this city. For one major reason: this city's PUBLIC WORKS SERVICES!!! UGH!!!! Where do i even start? It's like the last month has been riddled with disappointments everywhere. No less the entire time i have lived in the suburban areas, the roads are RIDICULOUS!!! I dont know the stats exactly, but i know Oakley and Hyde Park do have some of the highest city taxes in all of cincinnati. I mean, how could they not? And t hey cant afford to put a little money into the pot hole filled roads! They are EV-ER-Y-WHERE!!!! I actually cant think of a a road that doesn't have at least ONE major hole in it.... COME ON CINCINNATI!!!

Next, now that it is spring you know what that means? Yard work. And with yard work, you get YARD WASTE. A couple weeks ago almost every neighbor on my street had multiple bags of stuff for yard waste disposal. We have a ton of leaves and grass clippings and bags of weeds too. Trash service came and went and guess what was left, ALL THE YARD WASTE. Turns out, they GOT RID OF THIS SERVICE. And you know the best part, THEY RAISED OUR CITY TAXES this year!!!! Can you believe this city??? How many more inconveniences can they possibly provide for us? O wait, hold on, they do have an alternative for us... we can drive to Newton and dispose of the waste ourselves. Right? SO convenient, like we want to put nasty heavy bags of dirt inside our cars. O limbs of trees and sticks, right inside our beautiful backseats because most waste is too big to fit in trash cans anyway. COME ON CINCINNATI!!!!

But the inconveniences get worse. Yesterday on the way into work the major on ramp by my house was close to the interstate southbound to downtown. O not to worry, no one in the area wants to use the interstate in the morning, and definitely not to go downtown. O ya, NO DETOUR SIGNS POSTED, o ya, NO WARNINGS EITHER!!! So guess what, turns out it wasn't just a one day inconvenience, it was closed again today. And still no detour signs. In fact, artimus says it might be closed indefinitely. INDEFINITELY!??? Seriously??? How can you close a major route to tons of people east of downtown INDEFINITELY??? O wait, our roads are sooo bad we cant even fix them to help make people's lives a little more convenient..... it's a never ending cycle i guess. And i suppose the public workers are only going to get lazier since we apparently expect NOTHING out of them. THey have construction all over town, but when you think about it, you hardly see anyone working, EVER. But dont get me started on that one.

COME ON CINCINNATI!!!

Last weekend

2011-04-11T15:57:00.000-04:00

So my last somewhat relaxing weekend at HOME has come and gone... and I must say it was quite good. Although i am sad to see it go. A quick recap before i get back to work:
Friday i went to the gym, ran some errands, went to Teak for dinner with Matt (YUM), went home and walked with Matt and Odie, ran to BB&B (but it was closed since it was after 9pm), went to Yagoot (another YUM), then went to target and home to relax. GREAT day.
Saturday: Woke up with matt, went to McD's to split an egg mcMuffin (um, YUM) and a hashbrown, then headed up to his parents house so he could help out with tractor stuff. I played with my nephews all afternoon and visited with my sister in law, even though it was a miserable rainy afternoon. It cleared up and we went out to Greek Isles for dinner and then over to matt's friend B's house for his 30th birthday party. It was a great time, and matt had a ton of fun with B.
Sunday: Woke up and went to the gym, matt helped CV move into his new apartment right around the CORNER from our house. A 1.5 minute walk! Then i did some laundry and went over there to see it and have lunch with them. Then Matt and i took odie on a long walk, did some yard work and cut the grass for the first time, and then out to El Toro a yummy mexican restaurant for dinner. It was sunny and 85 degrees yesterday... it was a GREAT day.
So great weekend all in all.....
But here is whats coming up the next few weeks, thus not having another free weekend until, well, JUNE.
This weekend: E Bachelorette party , so i need to be in cleveland friday, and then driving to Port Clinton on Saturday and Sunday, and drive home to cinci on Sunday.
Weekend after: Easter weekend: Drive to cleveland
Weekend after: CRUISE!!!!
Weekend after: return from CRUISE!!!
Weekend after: E's wedding in cleveland
Weekend after: Combined Bacherlor/Bachelorette party for friends J and D in Dayton
weekend after: J and D's wedding in Dayton
weekend after: JUNE.... and right now, FREE!!!!!

All good stuff, dont get me wrong... just A LOT going on.
And mid month i have a work trip to New Orleans in May which means i will be home even less. It makes my head hurt.

But that's all i got for now.

Another non notable post....

2011-03-24T10:19:00.000-04:00

I am rather unmotivated at work today, although I am swamped with stuff on my to-do list. We are amidst Spring Budget Formulation so I am usually the lead on this with practically my entire team on some combination or work related travel, annual leave or temporary duty. But id rather be busy than bored.
None the less, my blog is neglected and I feel compelled to pay it some attention.

Now what do i have to say?

I know i have been struggling over the past year over what to share on here and what not to, based on the nature of whats going in my life and the privacy of those involved. In any case whatever is posted on here, I am realizing is that i have been learning all kinds of lessons. No one chooses to be involved in stressful, tough situations; people chose money, beauty, power, etc.... people don't choose character development. That is last on the list. I know i cant hold up my vision of the world 2+ years ago right next to my vision of the world today and compare the two. But i do know the two views are very different. The landscape is bigger, the colors are a little more vibrant, i have picked up on details that i never noticed, and some things in the perspective have picked up new meaning to me.

I also know that the time seems to go so much faster; it's funny that you always hear from grandparents your entire childhood that time goes quicker as you get older... but i never though i would feel it in my twenties. I mean the days and weeks go so quick, where does the time go? I do need to remind myself to slow down a lot, and it's a tough thing to remember....

A lot of the little things that used to wind me up no longer bother me. Things in my head involving my friends used to eat away at my heart, problems outside my control used to make me so nervous, I started letting go of things i have held on to and stressed about for way longer than need be. My faith has played a big role, as well as the incredible people that are in my life.

Now, i don't think anything that has been happening my life has been notably catastrophic.... it's just the stuff of life; there are ups and there are downs. I mean all i need to do it think about the Haiti disaster over a year ago and now the tsunami in Japan a couple weeks ago-- devastation that just seems inconceivable. Suffering that you cannot physically wrap your mind around unless you are actually living it. How precious life is and disasters like this DO happen..... my heart just fills up emotion.

But to bring things back to the daily level, i am learning to appreciate these every day lessons. And i am cherishing the really, really good days. Like spending J's birthday with her and A last night. Going to the dari bar, laughing, sharing, being there fore each other. Or even listening to a friend cry on the phone and feeling in my heart she will be OK and this is what true friendship is. Or hearing such extreme happiness in my Mom's voice yesterday over the phone, and having her tell me how much she cant wait to give me a hug. Its the moments you don't really remember later but the feelings you don't shake.

Until next time....

Quick update.

2011-03-22T08:12:00.000-04:00

I haven't posted in a while.... mainly for lack of content i am willing to share. However, the good news is things are finally starting to look up. And the best part, we have a brief peak into spring this week. Windows open, sun shining, birds chirping in the morning. O ya, and longer days! The sun isn't setting until well after 7, almost 8 now..... These things make me happy.

IN other news, my joy right now being spinning classes, i finally broke down and brought a heart rate monitor. AND it is AWESOME! I can finally track to see what zone i am working in during the ride, check to see it it hit my 90th percent heart rate zone, and see how many calories i am burning. Yesterday;s class was the first class and i loved it. Although i was surprised that didn't burn as many calories as i would have thought, only 452. Which doesn't really seem like a whole lot.... but i guess we'll see if it changes depending on the kind of ride we have.

March is almost over, i cant believe it's the 22nd. Last week we celebrated Odie McPoderson's 6th birthday on the 15th. Happy birthday, little man! Next weekend i might be able to see my family again! In a more relaxed setting (a very happy thing), and before i know it April is right around the corner.

Our lilies have started to come up around our house. I AM ready for the cold to be behind me!

Until next time....

No Title

2011-03-08T11:35:00.000-05:00

Its fascinating that the more we understand about the mind, the more we learn that we don't understand it. I say this because as i go through this hopefully brief section of my life, I am gaining an ever growing appreciation for a healthy life style and a healthy mind. The past week or so dealing with one of life's many curve balls, has really brought a lot of issues in my own life to light. I thought what i went through last year in June with one of my best friends was one of the hardest things to deal with and understand, but i guess that experience was just preparing me for this past week. And although i cannot go into detail for my family's privacy, i think i have a lot of lessons to learn that i don't need to be so cryptic about.

1). Relationships are important and no matter what you are going through in life, the relationships that have real value are the ones that can withstand anything.

2) It's important to be honest with yourself and others. When you think you need to be secretive about something you should re-evaluate what you are really doing.

3). The stress you have in your life is normal, but understanding the problem that stressed you out AS WELL AS the stress you have really are two problems that need to be delt with. The ladder being the most important.

4) Family comes first, there will be no other people as important as family.

A very small handful of people in my life know about the 'curve ball' that my family is dealing with right now. But it's a little gift to feel the happiness remembering that the people that do know are indispensable in my life. And in my family's life.

And that it's important to take care of yourself above all else.

** this post my have not made much sense, i am very tired and exhausted writing it.... but felt it was worth posting.

A brief peak into spring

2011-02-18T13:12:00.000-05:00

I havent written in a long time, I havent had much motivation and i really dont have much motivation right now either. But it's been a full month so i figured i say something. Although a lot has been happening on the work front- ups and downs-- the best thing happening right now is the weather. I am looking out my office window, somewhat smelling the fresh flowers i inherited from my coworkers from valentines day, and enjoying the sunshine knowing it;s over 60 degrees outside right now. Now i know winter isn't over yet, but this is a much, MUCH needed relief from the cold and gloom.

I finally caught some sort of cold that seems to be developing since last night. I went to my coworker's, L's, gym last night to her workout class, lifted some weights and today i feel stuffy and weak. Hopefully i am only weak due to the weight lifting and not something flu oriented. But i must say i have resisted the multiple ailments matt's entire family has gotten over the last month. Every time i see them someone is sick, or throwing up, or sneezing, or oozing some sort of mucus. TOo much information?
Hopefully whatever i have passes quickly.

I am going out of town for work next week for a few days.
Not too much planned this weekend besides helping M move and seeing my parents. But i need to savor the free time because March is looking busy. And once April comes and goes May has no free time whatsoever. But i got to live each day, day by day.

Mid month overview...

2011-01-18T10:41:00.000-05:00

I had a four day weekend and I am back to work today. I should be thrilled to start the week on a Tuesday but alas i am only more tired and less motivated than ever. I haven't posted in a while so let me recap some of the highlights of this month to far....

- Girls dinner at champs with J and S to meet up and catch up
- Pizza night with E, C, J, C and hanging out
- Hanging out wht B and A for dinner at their house
-Spending time with my sister in law and watching my Godson climb up the slide and down the slide all by himself
-Going to spinning classes
- Meeting up with my parents and having good conversation with a good dinner in Columbus
-The first book club meeting
-Trying out our new juicer for the first time with tangerines and apples

Things i am looking forward to this month:
-Seeing my best friend next weekend
-Going to the Thank You Party and hearing M sing
-Going to spinning classes
-Seeing Burn the Floor with J &A
-Catching up with J &A
- GOING TO VEGAS for alll FUN with the fam
-Going to see Jersey Boys in Vegas
- Going to a nice dinner in Vegas with my brothers/sister-in laws.

Things not so great this month
-Getting weird blood work results back from my first Physical in many, MANY years
- Having our microwave crap out on us this weekend(making it the 3rd built in appliance in our kitchen to break in the last year)

I guess not a lot of 'not so great' things happening. I feel so busy, all the weekends seem so packed. And I know in the next few months with all the weddings i have this year, all the wedding related activities (shows, b-parties, etc) will only add up even more. The entire month of may is insane. O the costs of boarding my dog will make my head! (poor ode!). I only see a couple of work trips in the next quarter. One trip to DC and one trip to New Orleans. Both not looking so bad (both 3-4 days each). Things are good i think.... and we are still only in January (THANK GOSH!)

Until next time...

Thoughts of Babies

2011-01-05T10:44:00.000-05:00

Isnt there a name for it? When you think about having babies a lot? What is that called? I cant think of it, but boy do i have it bad. I am not quite sure what has changed since even before the new year, but something definitely has. I haven't really talked about it at all outwardly, it feels awkward to say it out loud. In fact, i dont think i have said anything to anyone besides, well, Matt.

On my down time i work i find myself looking at my old HS friends facebook pictures, two of which had thier first child in the last couple months. I found myself looking at their baby room pictures, their pregnancy pictures, thier holiday pictures of 'baby's first Christmas.' What has gotten into me!?!?! Then i start thinking of what i would do for a baby room, and then what month of the year the baby's birthday would be depending on the time if i where to get pregnant, what social events i have (weddings, trips, work engagements, etc) during specific times of the year and how far along i would be. WHAT HAS gotten into me!?!?!

I really dont know where and when I felt the shift... or if this is just a passing thing. Usually when i have a glimmer of the idea pop into my head, it easily escapes depending on who i recently spend time with. I thought i would definitely lose the feeling after being around my family for multiple days in a row... I usually lose the feeling when i am around people who dont talk about it or it was never a topic of conversation. Mostly my friends and my family. But the funny thing is, i cant think of a few friends who babies are also on their mind now..... which makes me thing i may not be a lone... One of of the biggest adverse influences on my thoughts before were the fact that i would be alone since no one i know really closely of my friends will be having babies. But now i think of who my really good friends are and i can name a bunch who could be pregnant or have a child within the next 12-24 months.... A, J, S, J, T, maybe even F, ... who knows who else?

I have also probably come to realize that the big adverse idea is the least of my problems.... because the friends i think of first are really there for me no matter how much my schedule changes... and my life. I need to stop cramming the square peg in to the round hole.... its just not worth it anymore. I found myself reading websites and searching for sites for 'how do you know you are ready to have a baby'.... And instead of being scared away by it-- like it ordinarily would have--- i reaffirmed my new thoughts.

And re-affirmed my thoughts that 'are my friends ready for me to have a baby' shouldn't even be in the consideration set. AND if roles were reversed-- which often they are--- i would be THRILLED for any of my other friends to have a baby... i know the feeling would be shared. Especially those i find the closest to me now.

So then, Monday afternoon after work i found myself in the conversation about babies with Matt..... Now, i knew there would be no revelations since i know Matt has been ready for babies for years and years now. He told me-- as he has said once to me before--- that he knew he wanted kids early in life. Especially with his heart, and the various conditions that run in his family, that he knew he wanted to share the joy as early as possible to have the experience as long as possible since he has no idea how long he would be on this earth. That is truly inspiring, I love him for his reasons. And it is confirmed every time i see him with babies and kids of all ages. He lights up.

And then we talked about how we could not be more ready now too. We have been together for over 4 years, we are stable and comfortable in our own skin and in our marriage. We are financially stable and comfortable to afford the growing expenses that this wouldn't cause added stress. We have HUGELY supportive families, our friends will be great, and we are at the right age to START the stage of our life. And when I think about our daily life i lead with Matt, we really are ready to have a new addition. We do so much together with our free time, i am only imagining the possibilities of the enriched life we would with a third to share in it.

WOW. I had a lot to say i guess..... I hope there isnt another shift. I have a feeling about 2011 and the changing that will come in the new year. I dont know whats in store for me, but I am doing my darnedest to keep an open mind about it all. But i do have a feeling of excitement right now that i cant seem to kick out of my head... it's strange and new, and something i am not familiar with.....

God only knows that in store for us......

Welcome to 2011

2011-01-03T15:14:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year! Wow i cant believe it's already 2011! Last year, 2010, happened so fast and it was chalk full of ups and downs. Overall it was a good year, but it was a tough follow-up to the exciting and eventful 2009. But such is life, and alas we arrive at the entry way of 2011. Gosh it sounds weird to say.

My New Years Eve was a much different pace this year; no friends around, no wild drinking activities, no late night-- just a casual evening with my whole family in Cincinnati. We cooked a nice dinner that included filet minion that Matt cooked to perfection, and drank some great wine my parents brought back from Italy. It was relaxing, not stressful, and well rested. The fam stayed the whole weekend and we went to the aquarium, the movies, the outlets/ Traders World, Jungle Jims and out to dinner with matt's parents and brother. It was nice, busy, not a bad way to kick off the new year.

I am anxious to see what this year has in store for us! I say that because as i kick off the new week of the new year i am full of anticipation... a new exciting feeling. I am not sure i felt this last year, but i do this year. I have a lot to look forward to in the next few months. And when i think about it, i know the months will fly by and before i know it will be over. Time sure has a funny way about it. Just this month we have my dad's highly anticipated Thank You party and the last weekend of hte month is VEGAS again but this time with Matt's family... which i know will be super fun. And lets not fail to mention ALL the weddings we have coming up this year- and of course the travel involved since i dont know of any that are in town yet. May will be particularly busy since we have two weddings (both out of town) and a week vacation on the Oasis of the Seas with both my family AND Matt's family, AND his aunt and cousin. Lots of fun will be had.

I think this will be the year of great friendships instead of stress-- i have come to know who some of the really cherished people are in my life... Especially those who are brand new to my life and have become irreplaceable. Some of my most favorite memories of last year were with the E and C, and C and J-- Matt's old friends and my new friends. Who knew that would happen? This gives me a feeling of hope and excitement coming into this new year. I cant wait for all the great memories in store for us!

I also have resolutions to work out more regularly.And i know i said this last year, but i hope Matt joins me in a new routine. It would be great to share a common goal again....Last year i was unsuccessful, I'm not even sure if matt went with me one time, but i sure hope something shifts this year. Maybe we can try eating healthier, after all Matt did get a juicer for Christmas this year.

Lots of things to keep me looking up, good things are in store for us this year. I hope i look back at this post on January 1, 2012 with a smile....because things will be different this year.

Happy NEW year, and welcome to the new start!

Christmas week

2010-12-21T13:11:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas week~! Tis the season to be jolly, fa la la la laa lala la la..... Such a busy weekend coming up but SUCH a sloooow work week! So slow, the days sure are dragging. But it's nice to look out my office window to see all the snow on the gound in P&G park, it really is beginning to look a lot like Christmas. My coworker burned me a copy of Love Actually and Elf soundtracks so i have been enjoying those while i slowly move the through the day.

To here is whats on the docket for CHRISTMAS WEEK!
Wednesday: Work all day and then dinner with my cold roommates at F's house in Covington. And then maybe open one gift with matt before Christmas
Thursday: Work most of the day, pack and get read to head to Cleveland when matt gets off work. Then DRIVE to Cleveland
Friday: CHRISTMAS EVE relax with my family, help my mom out, hopefully see my best friend C for a little bit, and then in the evening my mom's family comes over for dinner/
Saturday: CHRISTMAS DAY!! Relax and spending the entire day with my family, playing games, opening presents, eating, who knows... i cant wait!
Sunday: Brunch with family friends and then the entire dad's side of the family will go to his cousin denny's house for the first Christmas gather without our grandparents. Maybe this is a new tradition, i am looking forward to it.
Monday-- i think we will drive home after brunch, but we may stay till tuesday-- we haven't decided yet. AND i may need to be back at work for an interview on Tuesday but i am not sure. Hopefully i dont have to be back til Wednesday.

Lots of stuff going on... lots of eating!! Hopefully i dont gain too much wieght with all the delicious food awaiting!!

Merry Christmas WEEK!!!!

The Reason for the Season

2010-12-14T14:18:00.002-05:00

I have been getting rather scrooge-like over the past couple of days and i need to snap out of it. I am just frustrating by my lack of ability to get things done and depending on others to get it done. Like a certain few gifts i just cant do by myself... and need specifically matt's help. I need to not get mad at him because i honestly think... he just doesnt get it! But i wish he did because i just want to check things off my list as CHRISTMAS IS LESS THAN 2 WEEKS AWAY! So in the spirit of loving the season, I decided to write a list of why i love the season:

1) I love the anticipation of seeing a reaction after giving a gift
2) I like writing christmas cards
3) I love receiving christmas cards way more
4) I love relaxing by the light of the Christmas tree
5) I cannot get enough of Charlie Brown Christmas, Dr. Suess' Grinch, Elf, or the Muppet Christmas Carol, o so many others!
6). The anticipation leading up to Christmas
7)Saying Merry Christmas to strangers
8)SNOW during Christmas season
9)holiday cookies, dinners, food, food, and more food.
10). Holiday parties
11) Time off work
12) Christmas music on in the background every where i go!

I cannot forget the meaning of the season, even when i do feel a little bit stressed. Happy 10 days before christmas!!

And now i leave you with a couple of my holiday favorites:

A Snowy Christmas time Sunday

2010-12-13T13:35:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was a quintessential holiday Sunday! I woke up, it was cold with snow covering the street and the large tree out my window. It was beautiful. I had plans to meet my sister in law for High Tea at the BonBonerie (YUM!). It was part of her Christmas present for me and it was great to spend some quality time with her and talk. I am so lucky to have such a wonderful family around me, we had a great time. I came home and hung out with matt as the snow fell, we went to the grocery together and invited E and C over for pizza. It was reeally snowy as the day went on... It felt just like christmas! My house ACTUALLY felt clean, i had a delicious lunch, a great dinner, and ended the night watching a movie with them by the Christmas tree light as the snow fell outside.

It really is beginning to feel a lot like Christmas!

JUST have to finish up shopping and wraaap presents!

Merry 12 Days of Christmas!

And thus the beginning of December

2010-12-08T08:26:00.000-05:00

Helloooooooooo December. My most favorite time of the year! My christmas tree is up and decorated with bubblers and old style lights, my garland is up with lights and ornaments, and every place in my house i have touched with Christmas. Except for the fact that i feel like my house is so disorganized right now. Whenever we leave to go anywhere-- for just a COUPLE OF DAYS, -- it takes us forever to get back on track. and Matt does practically nothing unless asked. He doesnt mind tripping over his suite case for weeks after a trip. IT DRIVES ME NUTS!!

I am feeling a bit cynical this morning, i am not sure why. Perhaps its because i am SO sick of waking up so hot and stuffy at night. Or that i haven't slept well. Or that sometimes when i dwell on it i want my husband to be more motivated. Or maybe it's a combination of other events happening concurrently right now. i am not sure. I am stressed out about finishing my Christmas shopping, and never feeling like i have any time! I dont have time or the energy to work out lately, i know this is not productive.

I am hoping once i get my, you know what, i will have a new sense of calm. But until then....
Perhaps a small recap of life since November.

First, i went to NYC this past weekend to visit my sister. My parents were supposed to go as a mini family vacation but they got SUPER sick the week prior and cancelled their flights. We still had a good time though: we walked through central park, the Christmas market at Columbus Circle, window shopped on 5th Avenue, saw the Rockefeller Christmas tree, met up with matt's old roomate for drinks, toured the UN, ate incredible meals, drank margueritas at 2 in the afternoon, visited the Guggenheim, and did some sleeping in. It was packed but also a fairly relaxing weekend.

This past Monday Matt and I met with with E and C for drinks after E's important doctors visit. It was unplanned but so fun to meet up with them. We ended up going to PF Changs for dinner after dinner at the dive Pilot Inn. I never go there, E picked and it was kind of a treat for me. Well C decides it might be a good idea to order champagne, and thus we have a new Champagne Monday! How random. We tend to eat 'french style' with those two, 4+ hour dinners with lots of drink and food. It was a great start to the week, to start the week off with tons and tons of laughing. It makes me feel thankful at this time of the year to have such wonderful people in my life.

Tomorrow is my office Christmas party so i am looking forward to get out of work early. I need to get boat loads of stuff done and make a stop in at Fidelity (scary!). I need to make an ach transfer to pay for my very first new car. I am not talking much about it, i dont want the attention. I haven't mentioned it to anyone really besides my immediate family because i feel a little hypersensitive about the whole thing. Thus this the end of that topic.

Things are starting to really slow down at work at this time of the year. I am getting complacent and i dont like that feeling. Starting next week i know fewer and fewer people will be in the office. I have another Finance holiday party next week, as well as a free breakfast for everyone in office building. Ill take the good with the bad on this one.

I have not much more to write, and i dont want to be too synical on a wednesday. Merry Christmas season to all. And happy Hanukkah to other:)

The day before Thanksgiving post

2010-11-24T11:02:00.001-05:00

It's the Wednesday before thanksgiving-- or as some say, tanksgiving-- and i am sitting here at work thinking about how i will write my giving thanks post (that i have written i think every year since i started this blog). And no, it's not that i don't have a lot of be thankful for this year but more like where do i start?

One of the first thing that came to mind was how this year i feel like i just did NO giving back. I mean i didn't do any kind of service project, or anything that i think really made a difference. I hope next year will be different, or at least maybe i can find something work recognizing. That should be on my year in review and another new years resolution.

This year, like in years past, Matt and I have decided to spend the actual holiday with his family and take friday off to drive up to see mine. I really did struggle with it this year since i thought maybe id want to be around my family to celebrate my grandma's life. But in a way, i am giving thanks for the wonderful years i got to have with her instead of recognizing that we have lost her.
SO!
Lets start somewhere:
(in no particular order)

1) Of course my wonderful husband

2) My in-laws
3)The great friends i have been able to get even closer with this year (specifically C, E, J, C, L, and G).... You have made a difference in my life this year.
4) Becoming a Godparent, what a privilege.

5) My health
6) The health of those closest to me
7) Financial stability-- which i am ever more appreciating
8) My beautiful Odie

9) Being able to find happiness.

So here's so another great thanksgiving holiday! And I CANT WAIT to start decorating for Christmas!!

Im back from EUROPE. And lots of thoughts...

2010-11-15T13:50:00.000-05:00

I AM BACK from Switzerland, France, Germany and the Netherlands. The Rhine River cruise was amazing and SO restful. In fact, i am pretty sure i havent rested that much since before college. Stops along the way where:
Basel (Switzerland) (for 2 days)
Strausburg (france)
Hiedelburg (Germany)
Kobleze
Rudisheim
Cologne (I LOVED)
Kinderjidk (Netherlands)
Amsterdam.
It was FANTASTIC. I loved Cologne, i loved seeing the enormous Catherdral! And on that day it just so happened to be 11/11, and at 11:11am on 11/11 is Carnivaal.--- the GIGANTIC party with hundreds of thousands of Germans dressed up in all sorts of crazy outfits drinking and partying in the streets. It was nuts! But so fun to be a part of!

I also loved walking the European streets, and touring castles-- especially the Marksburg Castle-- the only castle in the middle Rhine to never be attacked. It was fascinating! I loved eating and drinking all the German food and wine, and relaxing on the rhine river watching the cute towns pass by... and seeing lots of castles on the rolling hills as i sit and enjoy a glass of wine. I loved taking an afternoon with matt and shopping in the lit up of streets in the shopping district in Cologne! It was cold and rainy and getting dark as we dodged in and out of stores havinh a fabulous time! It was a wonderful memory! We drank a lot of wine and took lots of afternoon naps, and ate wonderfully cooked meals. It was a great trip! I will post pictures soon!

Lots of things have been on my mind lately. One of which of the major topics is the idea of children. Spending 9 days with my in laws puts a lot of baby impressions all over your brain. Especially since they talk a lot about my nephews. Matt and I have spent a lot of time thinking about the topic, and it's hard to decide when will i be ready? Because some days i think i want to start the family right away, but other times i cant think far enough in the future. I worry about how mature i am, i worry about not being able to relate to a lot of my friends since very few have kids, i worry about my friends falling completely out of my life because of the lack of time i will have available with family. But then the part of me that wants kids always prevails because i probably know by now who the real friends in my life are, and my family is so unbelievably supportive of us, and i have the most perfect relationship with my sister-in-law that a another niece or nephew would only bring us even closer. It's crazy to be thinking about these things in my life, because just a couple years ago these ideas couldn't have seemed more distant. But it's exciting, and the idea brings a smile to my face.

And speaking of family, there has been a lot of new development on the home front this year in 2010. Not only changing traditions with the loss of my grandma, but a new dad because he sold his company last month. The company he has put his whole life, marriage, children, and financial stability on the line to make a success for hte last 15 or so years. It's sold and my dad did make it a success--- i couldn't be more proud of him. He truly resembles what it means to be an American, to work hard to make a living for yourself out of nothing. And truly it was nothing-- a man who came from a small, fairly poor, family who paid his whole way to make it tthrough college and grad school while working 40+ hours a week. To get a job, start your own company, pourr your heart and soul into it, risking absolutely everything, to make it work. And it did. Even though many, many sacrifices were made. It makes my sister and i weepy sometimes, and want to tell him how happy we are to have our dad back, and to have been rewarded for his huge accomplishment. I tear up when i think of how proud i am because he deserve every ounce of success. And my mom, too, who really has made the most sacrifices when my dad was never around working the ungodly hours and never sleeping... for 15 years.

But with great reward there also comes some resentment and entitlement from others. And this is the feeling that makes me the most disgusted and angry. I cant help but want to yell and scream when i hear some stories, BECAUSE IF THEY ONLY KNEW!!! I dont think anyone knows what sacrifices were made for it, and it angers me to the point is makes my blood boil. I dont want a dime of my dad's success, and i dont want greedy-self righteous- ignorant others have a say in anything. In fact, i cant think of anything else in the world that could make me more upset.... IF THEY ONLY FUCKING KNEW!!!!!!
I write this now because i hope it's the last time i will feel this way. I dont want another story to hear about, i dont want to even think about it or i will live in the anger. But it's on my mind and I want to live the way my dad lives his life-- with an optimistic and positive outlook on life. And good does and will prevail.

Halloween weekend recap

2010-11-01T16:01:00.000-04:00

Happy first day of November! I cant believe Halloween has already come and gone. What a busy- but super fun- weekend it was. I was so busy all last week/weekend that Monday is soo unbelievably tiring.

Last weekend we carved pumpkins with some good friends.

Even went out for sushi and 4 hour dinner with Seabass and had a great time.

Drove to Cleveland and spent a wonderful celebratory weekend with my family.

And i saw my best friend and her boyfriend Saturday day afternoon.

Even went to a halloween party at P and E's and had a great time with everyone. We ended up being Gilligan;s island

Had a great brunch with my family before we drove home on Sunday.

Hung out with Matt outside waiting for trick or treaters Sunday night together.

Then our good friends came over around 8, C C E and J, and they brought over all the fixins to make homemade pizzas. 6 homemade pizzas to be exact, with fresh ingredients, and the boys did all the work while the girls just hung out and drank wine! And then we played games and i went to bed waay too late for a work day.

But it really was an absolutely PERFECT weekend.

Best weekend to have before I eagerly anticipate and exciting vacation on thursday!!

AND THEN IS almost the HOLIDAY SEASON!!

I love this time of the year:)

Until next time....

Just another manic Mweek...

2010-10-26T12:59:00.003-04:00

Why do I always feel so over committed??

That is really what it all boils down to, maybe it is because I AM OVER COMMITTED!

This week i just cant fit in everything that i need to do, and i am just too busy and stressed out trying to fit it all in all i can focus on is how stressed i am. It's like the week is a blurry ball of, well, blurriness. I got back from a FANTASTIC weekend in Mammoth cave with some great friends on Sunday and literally DID. ABSOLUTELY.NOTHING. I really should have not laid around so much. Here is what i have to accomplish this week:
Buy present for nephew's birthday
Get Oil Changed
Find Halloween costume (which could be way more time consuming than intended)
Buy a new dishwasher
Go to the grocery
and of course, go to the gym, right? Which then spirals into basic grooming like showering and washing my hair. And o wait, lets not forget about that things that takes a lot of time, oh, WORK! But before you queue the violins, i forgot to tell you about all the commitments i made AFTER WORK. Yesterday it was dinner with J and S, tonight it is pumpkin carving, Wednesday is Broadway play night, and thursday i am having dinner with Seabass who i havent spent ANY time with since, well the event i dont talk about that happened in June. Finally on friday we have to drive up to Cleveland. And i cant cancel the trip to cleveland because Odie has plans to stay there for 2 weeks so my parents can dog sit while we are on vacation next week. O ya, and we cant forget that i want to hit the gym after work. If i can go to the gym i just feel like all is well with the world.

This weekend is busy if we get up to cleveland friday night (that whole day is shot). then saturday is hangout with my parents/make something for the party on saturday night, and sunday get up early and drive down to cinci to see our nephew for his birthday 'gathering' but still make it down in time to see the trick or treaters in my neighborhood. This is just so much i want to do, and i dont want to sacrifice any of it. NEXT WEEK I AM MAKING NO PLANS!! In fact, i have plans with myself.

So back to work for me.... this work week was supposed to be slow and easy but it definitely is not. I am swamped and stressed. Next week should be better, although i have a feeling that i will be so busy leading up to Thursday and getting ready for the trip. Hopefully it will be excited busy though.

Today was a nervous day at work because 'The Storm' was all over the news and weather reports. And of course, i thought it would be nice to save time to pick up our cars in Springdale where we 'had to bring them for service' according to matt because we 'had to go to gateway tire' and COMPLETELY inconvenience me. So we took a long lunch right before 'The Storm' to retrieve both cars. And all the way up there we heard sirens on the radio, while we paid for our cars the news for glaring warnings for 'The Storm' and finally, on the way back south there was a count down for when The Storm would arrive in the metro area. Which of course made me a wreck because all i could think about was an image of myself, in my work clothes- supposed to be at work-- but tucked under a bridge in torrential down pours waiting for the supposed tornado to pass. Am i Nuts? it didnt happen, but of course all the way to when i pulled into the building my hands were literally shaking with fear and anticipation. And ya know what? The Storm wasnt even that bad at all. Ya, it was pretty windy, and there was a LOT of rain... but screw the build-up. UGH!

Like i was in a state today to handle more stress?

I need a break, this whole post made no sense.....

Time to try to make sense of my work day....

Updates! 101 things and the weekend

2010-10-18T12:57:00.003-04:00

It's been a pretty good start to the week after a pretty great weekend. RELAX was the word, but not too boring, and just the right amount of fun. Im happy to see Monday, it's a shorter week for me as one full day will be spent at OSU recruiting at thier career fair. And for once- the craziness has slooowed. Almost to a complete halt today. But it's nice, i am catching my breath.

So this weekend: a small recap! Friday matt and I got into a huge screaming fight about complications involving logistics for our trip this coming weekend to Mammoth Cave. But luckily, we put in in a box and we able to enjoy a nice trip up to his parents house to see his dad after his trip to China last week. It was nice, I got to see my nephews, talk to J, and have a fun dinner and enjoy an ice cold beer to relax me a bit. The night ended up on an upswing. Saturday was slow starting, Matt and I went out to lunch at Rusty Bucket and chilled most of the day before we met up for a double date with J and V at Ichiban at 9 for HALF PRICE SUSHI!! Which we have now realized is seriously the best deal in town. Not to mention the sushi is aaah-mazing! We also went to a haunted house!! Yay for Halloween! We drove to teh west side to go to the Dent School house-- which is apparently rated as one of the best in the country. We paid an extra $10 a ticket and by-passed a 2+ hour line. WE all had a blast!! We went back to J's house and started playing the new edition of monopoly and drank wine until 2:30am. It was a late night but an absolutely wonderful one:) Finally, on Sunday matt got up to meet his brothers to talk LLC stuff while i got to have a relaxing Sunday by myself for a few hours. I watched felicity as i did loads of laundry, cleaned up some around the house, played with Odie, and then went to workout and go to a spin class in the middle of the afternoon. Have i mentioned it here how much i LOVE spinning? I LOVE SPINNING!! Then came home and showered and drove to matt's parents for another enjoyable evening. An evening where we couldn't stop talking about how excited we are for vacation! It was a wonderful wonderful weekend... and the weather was warm and perfect!

So, it's been since July 27th since I created this list. I think i should status what i wrote almost 90 days in? Lets see:

I will put Completed Items in Purple

In NO particular order... here goes: My 101 things!
1) Do more Yoga and get good at it
2) Lose 10 pounds
3) cook more-- learn more healthy recipes
4) Write more letters to my friends
5)Learn more things to do with my hair
6) Start an in-house project
7) Take a cooking class
8) Take a cake decorating class
9) Take a spinning class (i have been too scared to try it)
10) Read more books
11)Travel
12) Have another cookout
13) Go cabining
14) Go to Mammoth Cave
15)Make a Wedding Album *
16) Preserve my wedding Dress
17) Print a mural wedding picture
18) Pull out the large ugly shrubs on the side of my house
19) Re-plant the side of my house
20)Plan a trip to visit my sister
21)Host a dinner party
22) Babysit my nephews more
23)Get more involved with my Church
24) Go to church more frequently
25) Try to recover my old pictures and files from my broken laptop
26)Wear more colors to work (besides varying shades of white, black and grey)
27)Play tennis again
28) Play a game of racquetball
29) Start going to bed earlier
30)Try to keep up with laundry more during the week
31) Blog more frequently
32) Take Odie to the dog park
34)Update my address book
35) Think about buying a new house
37) Go on more dates with my husband
38) Update my iPod
39)Update my resume
40)Buy window treatments for my dining room
41)Go on more walks
42)buy my Mom flowers
43)Delete old numbers in my cell phone
44) make a home cooked meal for my good friend's family in need
45)Learn to listen better
46) Say Thank you to much husband more
47)Pay off my student loans
48) Take some more time for me
49) Take one big trip with Matt before we have kids
50) Visit my parents more
51)Complain less about work
52) Hang more pictures in my house
53)Clean the garage
54) Go the the Art Museum
55) Go to the Krohn Conservatory
56) Go Apple Picking
57) Go to the pumpkin patch
58) Buy a new pair of Mizunos
59) Organize my inbox at work-- delete more emails
60) Organize my inbox at home-- delete more emails
61)Buy more nail polish
62)Read the news more
63)

Life or something like it

2010-10-13T13:14:00.003-04:00

So work has been unusually stressful the last couple weeks, and i was accused of being pushy last week. Excuse me for having high expectations of people, and expecting that people put in the same effort that I do. Well, apparently i have been shaken by it.... and now i am worried that i am being pushy all the time. I check with my boss and she says i am doing great and just doing my job, but I cant help it. It takes me back to college, especially business school, where we had groups projects in just about every class. I know i was perceived as pushy in college by some team members, but now that i think about it those people were NOT like me at all. I often was the group leader, and i ALWAYS picked up the slack of the poor performer. I think about this because i requested my transcripts the other day for a job application and it brought me back to thinking about my long days in the library, my study habits, my relationships with my teachers, and-- not to brag-- but my success. Where am I now? How have i changed? or have i?

I have been thinking a lot about my old college days a lot lately. I am not sure why, maybe because i recently started watching old episodes of Felicity and it really reminds me of my experience. And the friends i made. The the extremely formative period in my life it was. I think back on those 4 (5) years and i feel the feelings and happiness that i had then. Ya, i know some times were hard but i honestly dont think i would have changed a single thing. Sometimes i wish i could re-create some of the same opportunities. Like opportunities to get to graded, and opportunities to meet people, opportunities to make an impact. I was SO involved back then. I cant even name off all the clubs and groups i was involved in. I recall having stuff going on almost every night of the week. On top of spending insane amounts of time just being with friends. Even though things really were great back then, they were difficult because all everyone including myself was trying to do was make it and figure themselves out along the way. Figuring out how to be independent and what you want to do in life. And who i am.

I dont know what got lost through the generations, or maybe things have always been like this, but it seems like the age of searching for self is getting older. It's not the teens, or the twenties, but maybe even older? If we are not busy calculating others, it's our own selves that leave us the most puzzled and confused. Why is this?Is there a guide to soul searching? Or is there even such thing?

I am really happy where i am right now, really. I am sure i am going to look back on these days, in my house now, in my job right now and think how great things were. But how come sometimes it takes hind sight to see what we have. I wonder what it was like a day in my grandma's eyes, she never really complained about her life or how hard things are (or were). She had opinions, but never complaints. And i know she lead one happy and fulfilled life. But when do you know it? Does it take looking back as a 90 year old woman?

So i guess i am sort of making a pack with myself. To do every day improvements. Well, conscientious improvements. Lately i have found working out has helped my mood and my spirit. Being with certain friends has helped my mood. But i also find that entertaining really sucks the energy out of me... and this never was the case. Like the constant awareness of how i am presenting myself, how others are feeling, and what can be doing to make sure everyone is OK and an enjoying themselves. And then trying to cover this heightened awareness.... it's all exhausting. I want to improve.

Last night i took my very first spinning class and i absolutely LOVED it. It was hard, but this is going to get incorporated into my weekly life. I know this is a selfish improvement, but bettering the soul starts with a little bit of selfishness.

And her is a a really good song my coworker L sent me. I love it! It's not fitting-- in fact quite the opposite. But nonetheless....

more soon.

Busy time of the work year

2010-10-05T10:28:00.007-04:00

It's one of the busiest times of the year for me as the government fiscal year just came to a close. There is a lot of stuff going on at work, but at least the days have gone by fast. It's still hard to believe that it is October here already. I think fall weather had finally arrived too, it's been really chilly here over the last few days. Although its supposed to move back into the 70s this week.

Matt and I picked out our pumpkins last weekend at Lynd Farm-- our annual tradition now 4 (?) years running and picked apples too. We love it there. Although the pumpkins were not as big this year, i have a feeling it had something to do with the draught. It was a good weekend, we even went out friday night for E's birthday at the Pub and went all the way up to Cleveland too. We went to the Browns Bengals game with the usual crew and tailgated beforehand. It was a great game and the Browns left victoriously!

It was perfect fall weather this weekend and pretty chilly at the game. Last week in honor of the fall weather i made a delicious fall soup with pumpkin, butternut squash, sweet potatoes, chicken, leeks, onions, peppers, celery and it was DELICIOUS!! It tasted just like fall:) Last night Matt went to the grocery store and cooked dinner for me, he doesnt do it often but he knew how much id appreciate it. AND I LOVED IT! It was a nutricious and DElicious dinner. I even managed to hit a workout class at my gym and got my butt kicked. It was SO hard, and I am sore today. YEsterday was a good start to the week --and even got some laundry done and got to bed a good hour. So far so good!

Anyway, better get back to work. Lots more to do before weeks end.

Changed

2010-09-27T12:56:00.003-04:00

One year ago yesterday was my wedding day.

We celebrate our anniversary yesterday and reflected back on what we were doing on year ago. Boy things have changed. I dont know what has or how it has but things sure get different with time. And should take this day to reflect on some things i am thankful for....
1) My loving husband who loves me more and more than the day we married
2) my family who still has their health
3) My in-laws who are so welcoming and loving
4) My beautiful nephews
5) A job that doesn't leave me stressed out at the end of each day
6) A really sweet dog that is always at my side
7) my health
8)a beautiful house
9) my close circle of friends who can always pick me up
10). The ability to appreciate the things i have

I was thinking about this weekend going home for the Browns/Bengals game with my friends. We were trying to decide to drive up friday or saturday. Saturday night until this year included dinner with my family and visiting grandma. It's weird because this saturday night there will be no more grandma visits. It's funny how much i still think about her now that she is gone, it's almost like i think about her more. Like now she really is an angel.... And it's strange how the sadness about her being gone kind of moves into a weird feeling of-- i dont know the word-- peaceful recollection. Like your memories are now in a box that you open up when I think of her. It's still a little sad but not kind I had right after she died. It's like routine I had with her when i was home is replaced by that memory box that i like to keep dusted off.

I am really happy these days. A lot of really great things i have to look forward to. And today seems like the start of fall. It's cooler today and it's been raining off and on-- for the first time in months. And it's definitely sweatshirt weather. I slept perfectly through the night last night and woke up in a good mood. I feel like cuddling up to a candle and some good tv tonight. Maybe ill get in a quick workout as matt and i want to kick off our own Biggest Loser Challenge. I hope we can do it.

I wanted to put a song on my blog so i think this song from Wicked is so fitting. Not only is it my favorite musical in the whole entire world, but i think the lyrics are just right. I have changed a lot in the past couple years, because of my husband and the people around me. And my grandma, who helped me become the person i am. So this fits all the people i love so much in my life. And those people that stood before me on the day one year ago... you make my life better just by being in it.

\

First day of Fall

2010-09-23T09:23:00.004-04:00

Welcome Fall! One of my most favorite times of year (next to Christmas time). And today's high is 97 degrees. Yes, almost 100 degrees and that is in the shade. It's been an insanely hot summer this year with practically no rain it all. I rained yesterday afternoon for a brief 10-15 minutes but i think that was the first break in weeks. I am very much welcoming fall this year... if and when it actually comes.

I don't have a lot of plans this rest of the week, i am planning on seeing P and her new baby Oliver and maybe hangout with my nephews and family. Who knows what it in store. This Sunday is our one year wedding anniversary. It's hard to believe it had been that long already! It's been one up and down year, but i am looking forward to passing this milestone.

My parents come back from Italy tomorrow too, after being gone for 9 days. And the first trip in (20? some) years alone. And boy do they deserve it after all the stress over the months with my grandma and her stuff, and my dad and his insane work hours. The weeks leading up to this trip he worked multiple days of 24-36 hours straight of work. He needs the break and rest. It looked like had an absolutely magnificent time. I am looking forward to catching up with them.

Here is a picture my dad sent me in Venice from his phone on one of the first few days of their trip. I LOVE Italy!

I am leaving work early for a dentist appointment. Not a lot to say today... i am tired and haven't been sleeping well. Things are good. I am looking forward to a full weekend of rest. And probably putting up some fall decorations around my house... I love fall!

September Update

2010-09-21T08:05:00.004-04:00

Where to begin?

Lots of stuff going in my life yet its rather boring right now.

I went to Vegas last week. It was great, uneventful, productive, and even fun all wrapped into one work trip. Matt came out Wednesday night and we spent another 2.5 days out there... and spent a little too much money, but i think we both really enjoyed our time together. It was much needed. We justify the expenses as an anniversary present which is this weekend actually.

At work it's the calm before the year end storm that is quickly approaching. Things will get hectic and stressful again, i am ready November and holidays. October is always an enjoyable month though, i am looking forward to doing fall things like haunted houses, picking out pumpkins, apple cider, apple picking, carving pumpkins, wearing sweaters, campfires.... October is bound to move quickly too i know.

Last night i went to dinner with my coworker L and a mutual friend (we didnt realize we had thanks to facebook). I haven't seen this girl, EP, for 5-6 years in college. We went out on a spring break out to Appalachia to do a week of service together my junior year. It was a unbelievably memorable week, lots of good feelings and love. Spending the evening with her brought me back to my old college days where i did tons of service and great activities though UD campus ministry. We really had a 'help the world' mentality and it was so energizing. Being around her made me realize how much of that feeling has been lost over the years post college.... and it does make me a little solemn about it. EP has just moved to Cincinnati a couple weeks ago and lives and works in a homeless shelter and doesnt receive a paycheck. And this is only one of the multiple service organizations she has been a part of after graduation. Truly inspiring. And her energy reminds me so much of my best friend C, it's uplifting and contagious. I love it. I admire it.

Tomorrow i am seeing the first play of our Broadway season, South Pacific. I cannot wait to spend some time with J and A, its been a little too long. I miss them. It's a quick week, and Friday Thursday and Friday i have back to back dentist appointments. Who knows whats in store next.... just moving through. Until next time, here are a couple of songs i really like right now.

Reflections from the 30,000 feet.

2010-09-03T12:49:00.005-04:00

Today is friday.

We get off early today it being a long weekend and all.

I am back in the office after bring in Albuquerque all week.

Things are good... so here are a few ramdom thoughts on this friday:

Being a plane for long periods of time with not much to do gives you a LOT of time to think. Being a plane alone gives you a lot of insight about yourself and the world around you. It gives you the truest view of life it seems, as the people you encounter and meet truely are a random sampling of the world (in that n > 30-- i am being statistically correct).... sorry for the nerd in me.... but i do believe this. I really do. I have had a few moments-- multiple moments where i just stepped back from my inner self to take a look at things--
1). I tend to think i am not a very gregarious person. Actually i think i am usually a quieter personality and tend to not step into conversation unless invited. I am not one to strike up conversations with strangers and when a conversation ends generally i don't fill the empty voids. I think this is who i am. However. When I was travelling this weekend-- being alone in airports or planes for 6-8 hours at a time over the last few days--- I found so many people approached me. And approached me in such a kind and generous way that i found it quite striking actually. One women who was sitting across the isle from me ( i was on aisle she was across near the window) and i was grabbing my bag from the jet way she stopped me and said " i noticed your ring on the plane. It's SO beautiful, it caught my eye its so pretty. The only thing prettier is the gal." Can you be any nicer??? IT MADE MY DAY! A simple comment, unsolicited compliment can change the entire direction of your mood and energy and rest of my day actually. On the second flight on my way home another man stopped me as i was walking to the plane and said " you are from the Albuquerque flight..." I dont know how he recognized me, but he walked all the the way from terminal to plane about the city, where is from, why he is going to Cincinnati, and it turns our he and his wife are going to visit his daughter who just moved. And before i knew it was switching cards to meet his daughter who is younger and close to my age.

And this was the second time this trip i exchanged information. This leads me to:

2) There are some people you meet just briefly but think about long after the encounter is over. I dont know how often this happens to others, it rarely happens to me, although i do know a lot of incredible people. The man i met on my first flight out west was one of these people. Once again i was sitting in my seat minding my own business with a book open in front of me and the man next to me struck up conversation. Harmless conversation about where i am going, where i am from, why i am travelling, ya know the usually small talk that i didn't anticipate to last long (see point number 1 above). But this man, an incredibly ordinary person looking at him; worn jeans and a t-shirt, greasy hair, kind of yellow teeth, wore a hat to cover his head up, probably in his upper thirties or maybe forties. Sometimes it's hard to tell with men. Very ordinary. He was coming home after after being in Afghanistan for 3 months. One of his many trips home for the allowed 9-10 days after three months. His wife had a baby 2 months ago and he was going home to meet him for the first time. And i don't know what it was about this man that really resonated with me. Maybe is was humble honesty about the tough life he leads, or maybe a little charm about his innocence, his slight sense of humor and his total openness about his life and work. He opened up about a lot of things-- not his deep secrets or anything-- of course not, but about his life. Things that perhaps you would worry a stranger would judge you about. It was charming really. And when i asked him what he was going to when he gets home, he told me he is looking forward to getting a coffee drink (he had a name for it) that was a flavored coffee with a shot of carmel. It wasn't what i was expected to hear, but i remember him saying it and it was just ... nice. The only word i can think of.

I dont why i think of this. He pulled out a map at one point to show me Abu dhabi (sp?)-- where he had a one day lay over-- and wanted to tell me about it. At the end of the flight he said he would email the pictures and we exchanged information. And i am not thinking about this many romantically in the least, but there was something about him that was inspiring. And he will just never know.

These people, these moments are truly uplifting. And maybe they happen more than i realize, i just never take the time to enjoy the moments. And i found that i ending up chatting with the person next to me on every flight this week (and there were 4 of them). All very nice chats with such pleasant people. It was hopeful. It's what a little bit of time by yourself gives you. Moments of clarity. Moments of joy.

Ramblings on a Thursday

2010-08-26T08:32:00.004-04:00

Another week i am rounding the end of and it's been pretty good so far. Although tomorrow morning i have a dentist appointment where i will hear i have some cavities that I know will not end on an up swing. But so far so good. This week has actually gone by pretty fast too.

Here is my week in review:

Monday after work I went on a 5mi walk with Matt and Odie and actually had a pretty relaxing evening.

Tuesday I saw Eat Pray Love with a E, J (Matt's friend's girl friend) and L (from work). It was a unique group-- not everyone knew each other-- but we are all super nice. We had drinks and happy hour apps at Bar Louie and hung out for like an hour before the the movie. It was a good night, and I really liked the movie. Not as much as the book, but still really like it and thought it was a good service to the book. Considering most movies pale in comparison.

Wednesday I went to Party on the River with J and L. I wasn't expecting to end up staying all that long, but the time just flew by and before we knew it it was like 9:30!! It was really enjoyable, and made me miss being around J all that much more. I think about her a lot as her dad is getting weaker and weaker these days. I cherish the days i do get to spend some decent time. Too bad A couldn't make it, it would have been the trifecta.

Today is Thursday and I hope to have a somewhat relaxing day after work. We have dinner plans on Saturday night and B and A, we are getting out house appraised on saturday to refinance (yet again), and who knows what other random things we will get into the rest of hte weekend. It seems the super hot weather has passed and we are amidst the beautiful temperatures and sunny days. Really it was the perfect temp last night on the river. Here is a picture ( one of the 3 that was snapped from Q102 or Metro mix). This was on Cincinnati.com today:

I just cannot believe Labor Day is here next weekend already. Where did the summer go? it always seems to just fly by. Next week will be busy travelling, and then dinner with my old college friends at M's house (who may be moving out of cincinnati again), and then up to cleveland for the long weekend. Lots of thoughts on all this mentioned above...... seeing my old friends-- who last night i texted one of them and found our i wasnt in their phone anymore. She said "she lost her numbers"... although part of me wasn't surprised. But the most surprising was how little i cared when i heard. Things really are changing for me. But i think changing for the better.

And about Labor day weekend and being home-- I am excited to see my family and some of my good friends will be getting together at P & E's house right around the block from my parents. We are all going to a winery and having a cookout. It should be wonderful. But i was also expected to help out with my grandma's house and bring the trailer up again to haul stuff. Although i was incredibly offended this week by the actions of my some of my family members. And how nonsensical they were in response to an incredibly generous offer my father in law to help. I am unbelievably disappointed in their actions, thier thought process, and what they did goes against my grain. I feel like i cant be involved in it anymore. It's it such a shame to see things run the way they are. I know i am being nebulous, but it's necessary given the nature of my feelings.

Things are always interesting in our household. You just never know what is waiting around the next turn. Hopefully ill update my 101 things soon. Some progress has been made (not much), but its worth updating nonetheless.

Now closing another blog of abstract ramblings.... Have a great thursday!

Game night and Friday

2010-08-20T14:09:00.004-04:00

Another busy week has come to a close, thank gosh it's Friday. I am travelling again for work, so i am not ready to move through another couple weeks so quickly. It was a good week, nothing too exciting happened. I barely remember the beginning of the week so ill take that as a good thing.

Yesterday, however, Matt and I hosted game night with Matt's friends C and C and their girl friends J and of course E. It was pretty fun, although probably wouldn't have been better if it was a weekend and no one had to go to work the next day. E and I cooked together for everyone after work; she made a cheesecake and homemade meatballs, i made the spaghetti and the sauce, and J made a Caesar salad. And i must say EVERYTHING WAS DELICIOUS!!! I must get the recipe for the meatballs because they were so yummy, didn't look too hard, and they reeeally went well with my mom's sauce. And Matt LOOOOOVED them!! I hope E and I cook together again because we make a good team. If only we both had bigger kitchens though..... some day it will happen.

This weekend Matt and I are taking a conceal/carry class. I was unsure if i wanted to share this bit of information to the world about my weekend plans because i still am not sure how i feel about the whole idea. I didnt tell very many people, MY family doesn't actually even know. Just dont have the energy to figure out how i feel about it as people may or may not question me about the idea, although i do know i am not taking this class to actually carry. No, no, not in the least. It's just a very extensive and informative class that i hope to learn a thing or two, especially for one who has never shot a gun before no less even HELD a gun before. I was raised in a household where guns didnt exist, they weren't talked about, and all i learned about them is 'guns are bad.' And i still do very much carry this sentiment.... to a degree. I am a supporter or the NRA, people who read my blog tend to realize i lean to the right, this is no surprise. People who make 'guns bad' are those that shouldnt have them anyway. Giving the responsible citizens all the more reason TO have them. But since i am gun ignorant i am taking the class, not just because matt would like me to not have such strong feelings against guns, but probably to have a lot more respect for it, and maybe will open my eyes to some things i haven't ever thought about. But right now where things stand i have no intentions of ever owning a gun.

It's funny right now because every time i typed the word "gun" i found myself fat fingered the key board and ending up with "fun."

Well, i better finish up this workday. I hope to have time to update next week. Lots of stuff on my mind, just I am too tired right now to think about it all. I hate going to bed late. Until next time..

Weekend review and other thoughts on Monday

2010-08-16T15:34:00.002-04:00

So I am back to another long Monday at work. I can tell i am PMSing because i am all over the board with my emotions today. I cant tell if i am feeling sad, happy, depressed, tired, anxious, hungry? Who knows. Another busy week ahead, nothing i am dreading, nothing i am too terribly excited about.

I am at work today watching all 25 items we posted on Ebay from my grandma's house go for auction. We posted 25 items-- all of varying degree of value (in my personal opinion) and its been interesting to see the process. Some surprises, some let downs, but very much a learning experience. We had a 7 day auction for all items that will end tonight at 8:30. Matt says the most action occurs in the last hour, but i am not holding my breath or anything. So far today we are up to a total of $321.75 in bids; not bad for a virgin Ebay-er, i guess.

I had a pretty good weekend too. Nothing majorly exciting to tell, but nothing not good either. Friday night Matt and I went out to dinner at Bella Luna and got some stuff we needed to around the house. We decided on a late dinner there-- Matt's brother went there twice in a month so we figured we should try it when the most frugal people we know went two times. It was absolutely delicious! And a much needed relaxing evening. Saturday I helped my friend M move out of her apartment that morning. She is moving to a beautiful high rise building in Chicago right on Navy Pier; she starts medical school this fall at Northwestern. She is a smarty! I am so proud of her. I just met her this year and i am a little melancholy seeing her go... but i am glad she is doing something great for her life.

Saturday afternoon Matt and I dog sat Rowdy for a first... JF was in a pinch so of course we are glad to help out a good friend. He didn't ruin our house even though he is a bit high strung. We had fun with him, even took him on a walk and gave him a bath as he helped us water our lawn. We even hosed each other down in the process. This weekend was insanely hot. I hope i remember this kind of heat when i am dying for summer again in the sub-zero temps of the winter. Saturday night i went out with the usual crowd for dinner at Arnold's and over to the hofbrauhaus. It was a not too bad evening....And Sunday we sweatted (sp?) our asses off at the Reds game. It was a busy, uneventful, not too thrilling weekend.

I was thinking this weekend about how different this year has been from the last. SO many people have left my life this year.... and it;s only August. Not only all the deaths, but the new people that have come into my life and have also left. Talk about some ups and downs. It almost wished i knew it was coming in 2009-- one of the most memorable years of my life-- and maybe i could have appreciated some moments a little more. I dont know. My boss was talking today about how she sees herself back in Chicago (where she was born and raised) after her youngest son graduates from HS in a couple years. She also said to me that you need to be flexible because you just never know what life is going to throw at you. You can never tell what another two years is going to bring you. This coming from a woman who also lost her 49 year old brother a few weeks ago to pancreatic cancer. The cancer that ended his life only 5 months after he was diagnosed.

I think about this as a i think about my dad and the sale of his company. Or more accurately the blood, sweat and tears of my dad's entire life and most of my childhood up to this point. This year appears to be yielding even more changes. Who knows what is in store next.... all you can do is remain positive and hope for the best.

In the words of Spiro.... Life is perfect exactly the way it is.

Incredibly Productive few days

2010-08-10T08:29:00.003-04:00

Wow Productivity is at all time high in our household. And of course, i couldn't go without saying that my sleepless, sweaty nights have not relented. But i am still chugging. And i am motivated by all the progress we have made. Ill give a brief weekend/start to the week rundown. Tell me we couldn't have been any more productive?

It actually was an enjoyable weekend. Really it was. Friday we randomly decided to do the Downtown Dash and Block Party sponsored by our church. It helped that we 'just so happened' to be walking by the church parking lot at lunch and saw our incredibly awesome priest who married us at the ready to register race participates. And whaddya know? Matt is all in for running a 5k. the first race he has ran since before we started dating!! (that priest really does have someone on his side;-). It was actually a tough race, mostly hills, and it was HOT-- but we both finished. I finished a couple minutes sooner than Matt, but not more more than a 10 or so min mile. Which is actually not half bad considering we both walked a bit. It was good to spend the time together and do something a little more challenging together. And we walked around, got some drinks, and strolled around downtown together. It was MOST enjoyable:)

Saturday was another busy one. We headed up to the Matt's parents house where we actually ended up spending the entire day up there. We first ran to Jungle Jim's to meet up with Matt's friend who is the manager at the Garden Center to look at their sales. They were getting rid of a lot of stuff so we basically bought plants and bushes for entire side yard and spent less than 100 bucks. Way less than a hundred actually. Since we had Matt's Dad's truck we drove them back to our house and came back North again. I brought my Ode with me, and we got to work again going through all the stuff we set aside from my grandma's house we thought was worth anything. We cleaned it, staged it, took pictures, and then started post those things we wanted to sell on eBay. Yay us! Huuuge headway! And then, around 8 or so, we pick up pizzas and headed of to Jungle's house-- matt's good friend C's parents-- because he was house sitting. Yay E and I coordinating; We brought over pizzas and hung out all night. Another couple came over and we drank wine, played botchi ball (for HOURS) outside on their court, and hung out. It was one heck of a good time.

But this is just the tip of the iceburg....

Sunday-- matt woke up NOT hungover-- which was incredibly important because we were back up at his parents house to pick up odie first thing, Matt could get some condo stuff done, I could pick up some tools, and then i left him up there while i headed home to starting trimming down the monster ugly bushes we had on the side of our house. It took me a good 4 hours; cutting, pulling, hauling huge branches the size of me to the curb. I got all of them trimmed down to a few inches! Then i met up with Matt again to finished posted everything on Ebay! And here we are sitting today with 25 items up for auction:)

Yesterday after work, with Matt's help, we began uprooting the stubs i had left behind from the day before. And spent another solid 3 hours together planting our new bushes and plants. We finished. I am praying they stay alive. But gosh, now i know why landscapers stay in business. I am SO SORE today!

It feels good to have accomplished so much. At this time next week i will measure our success. A profitable week on eBay and alive plants in our side yard.

Back to work for me!

Shark Week

2010-08-05T09:03:00.003-04:00

OK, I have a new favorite time of the year....

SHARK WEEK!!!

Can i just say I LOVE SHARKS!! Almost as much as my unnatural affinity towards Dinosaurs. But sharks, o i love to hate them! Ive always liked shark week on Discovery, but since i lived in Cinci i never had cable and this is the first year i have had Discovery Channel to enjoy the awesomeness that is this week of the sharks:)

And can i also say i love Mike Rowe now too.

Matt knows about my new crush, i think he secretly has a man crush too. It;s really brought us together tapping and watching shows before bed. Some of my favorites include Dirty Jobs that Bite, Air Shark, and of course Air Shark II, Eatin Alive, and Shark Attack Survival Guide. But let's be honest, i love them all!!

..... OK, i swear i am not crazy.

Outside of shark week things are pretty good here. I have had a busy week and am ready for the weekend. Monday i watched the season finale of the Bachelorette with E and ordered Indian food. Yummy! And Tuesday I went walking with F in this god awful heat, yesterday i was with matt parents abd brothers all day looking at a condo they are going to buy. It was a long night, but they wrote an offer to i think it was productive for them. This weekend we have no official plans and i think that is going to be nice. Who knows what we will do, maybe get a tan. But i do know i have to do some ebay stuff with all the things we brought back from my grandma;s house. One more day until the weekend.

Happy Shark Week!!

The List

2010-07-27T12:42:00.003-04:00

So i discovered someone;s blog today on facebook and i really liked something she did. She had 101 in 1001 in list form for 101 things to accomplish in 1001 days. Now i am too lazy to do the math, i have no idea how many years 1001 days are. But i like the concept and it got my brainstorming. Or perhaps the thought was if i actually write it down maybe i will do it. Thinking of 101 things maybe be quite a task but i guess they don't all have to be big accomplishments. Just things I want to do:

In NO particular order... here goes: My 101 things!
1) Do more Yoga and get good at it
2) Lose 10 pounds
3) cook more-- learn more healthy recipes
4) Write more letters to my friends
5)Learn more things to do with my hair
6) Start an in-house project
7) Take a cooking class
8) Take a cake decorating class
9) Take a spinning class (i have been too scared to try it)
10) Read more books
11)Travel
12) Have another cookout
13) Go cabining
14) Go to Mammoth Cave
15)Make a Wedding Album *
16) Preserve my wedding Dress
17) Print a mural wedding picture
18) Pull out the large ugly shrubs on the side of my house
19) Re-plant the side of my house
20)Plan a trip to visit my sister
21)Host a dinner party
22) Babysit my nephews more
23)Get more involved with my Church
24) Go to church more frequently
25) Try to recover my old pictures and files from my broken laptop
26)Wear more colors to work (besides varying shades of white, black and grey)
27)Play tennis again
28) Play a game of racquetball
29) Start going to bed earlier
30)Try to keep up with laundry more during the week
31) Blog more frequently
32) Take Odie to the dog park
34)Update my address book
35) Think about buying a new house
37) Go on more dates with my husband
38) Update my iPod
39)Update my resume
40)Buy window treatments for my dining room
41)Go on more walks
42)buy my Mom flowers
43)Delete old numbers in my cell phone
44) make a home cooked meal for my good friend's family in need
45)Learn to listen better
46) Say Thank you to much husband more
47)Pay off my student loans
48) Take some more time for me
49) Take one big trip with Matt before we have kids
50) Visit my parents more
51)Complain less about work
52) Hang more pictures in my house
53)Clean the garage
54) Go the the Art Museum
55) Go to the Krohn Conservatory
56) Go Apple Picking
57) Go to the pumpkin patch
58) Buy a new pair of Mizunos
59) Organize my inbox at work-- delete more emails
60) Organize my inbox at home-- delete more emails
61)Buy more nail polish
62)Read the news more
63)

I guess i cant think of 101 things... but made it will be my list in progress. I will update accordingly-- and hopefully post about them as i go.
Lets see how this goes.....

An autobiography

2010-07-23T08:09:00.003-04:00

I don't know if I have mentioned it in another post recently, sorry if i repeat. My grandma wrote an autobiography. She told her kids and about it this year a few months back and I remember thinking what a cool thing. When she passed it was distributed-- the three copies she manually typed-- for each of her kids. When i went home for the funeral last months i saw it on my parents table but i just couldn't read it. It was hard enough pulling it together, but reading that would make me fall to pieces knowing i cant ask her questions and hear her stories anymore.

I read it yesterday.

Last week an "Addendum" surfaced and it was slightly more current. I read them both. I read them at work for some reason, i don't know why. Maybe i thought i could separate myself from it a little if i read it at work. And it was close to the end of the day so instead of starting something i wouldn't finish, i read my grandma's autobiography. It was incredible. What a neat life she had; she separates the document in pieces: Her parents, her family, her jobs, her husband, and then the last page is a handwritten page that says "my favorite times." All pieces are so fascinating and i can pull out some of what she wrote from the stories she would tell us. And then when i left work i got sad. Because memories of sitting in grandmas house, and laughing at some of the stuff she says and the way she talked when she told those stories. I am SO sad, i am wiping tears and i think about it. But i know when the pain lessons I am going to re-read it and think about how wonderful she was. And be able to show MY kids a little piece of the wonderful women that shaped my life for 26 years.

Now, i think about this like grandma would have documented in her life. It would be very sad, but she would chronology it because some of the things my grandma lived to see and do would blow your mind. She discusses the loss of her brothers, sisters,friends, neighbors, and even her own son. She says that pain is the most hurtful. But this is just one time in my life-- similar to my grandma's-- there are ebbs and flows and sometimes times are just a little happier than others.

I miss her deeply.

Its going to be hard this weekend going into her house to take some stuff away. But i am hoping i can repress these feelings for the car ride home on Sunday. But maybe it wont be sad, maybe ill be on project mode and not think about it. I have no idea. I want to kick myself for reading that right before this weekend. I shoulda waited?

I am tired today at work because i stayed up very late last night playing Monopoly with Matt, his friend C and E. It was a lot of fun actually. E and I drank 2 bottles of wine. It was a random but well embraced evening after the slightly emotional evening i had already embarked upon after leaving work. When I got home I also for my first letter from K, my friend I was in Chicago for at the end of June. I haven't discussed much about that situation yet, but receiving my first correspondence was a mixed bag of emotions. Emotions are tiring.

Matt and I went to the library last night and got 4 books on tape for the looong car ride with the trailer tonight. I am reeeally reeeally hoping it helps.

Thats all i got for now. Until next time.

My Wednesday

2010-07-21T16:03:00.003-04:00

I came into work in a pretty damn good mood today, despite the awful sleep i have been getting as of late. And I mean really bad sleep-- waking up ALL.THE.TIME. Ugh, i hate it. But i just want to describe the good mood, and free therapy, being surrounded by good people can really do for you.

Last night i had made plans a week or so ago with J and A to go out for my birthday. Well, we aren't fancy, we just wanted to see each other and so Panera by my house was decided upon. And I just want to say it was so great to be able to see them. SO. great. they are incredible friends to me. We closed the place, we talked for OVER 3 hours. So much to catch up on, nothing major, just stuff. And it was awesome. It made me feel so good about my life, and how lucky i am, and how much i really cherish the good friends i do have in my life.

That day also included a really happy (and appreciative) phone call from E, and then i got a package in the mail from K in Chicago!! It was an incredibly full filling day, it was so uplifting, and i went to bed just really, really happy. It felt like that was the first day in a while that i just finished the day and the highest note in the book. I realized (well, i guess it wasn't a revelation) that i dont need to worry about those in my life that dont care about me. I dont need lots of friends, i just need a few incredible ones. And those are the ones that will make me feel the best anyways.

Before i went to bed Matt and I ate a huge cookie that A bought for me, watched a silly game show on TV, and i snuggled up in bed. Tonight i am planning on going out with E to see Valerie who moved to Atlanta a couple months ago. I hope it;s a fun night, but that i can get to bed at a decent time. I am not much in the mood to be tired the rest of the week.

I am glad a made a few minutes to write today, i was on the verge of turning sour through this work day. But this helped. I need to remember this.

Ides of July

2010-07-15T13:09:00.002-04:00

There seems so much to update about, however I am tired and just feel like mindlessly writing to pass the time as I move through another insanely busy week at work. I am not supposed to be in the office tomorrow, but I worry this is not going to be the case since there are so many concurrent activities happening now.

But no more work talk.

Things have been interesting in my life. I had a birthday last weekend. It was the first birthday in a while that i wasnt all that much looking forward to. But my BEST FRIEND of all time surprised visited. And it was amazing. And waay too short, but SO unbelievably well timed in my life. It was the best present should could have ever given me. When she left I felt sad because i wish we didnt live in different cities and it made me miss her. But i always remember how lucky i am when we do get to see each other... and it's always like no time has passed.

I have lots of busy weekends coming up, as i know i will be needing to travel home to help out with all the stuff at my grandma's old house. I have been doing well with the grief, and i do believe my parents are doing as well as can be expected. But the day after my birthday I called my other grandma to thank her for the birthday card I saw Grandma G' in my phone as i scrolled to Find Grandma V. It made me really sad for some reason. It was the second time i got really sad for no reason; the first time being about cooking and when i realized I cant aske grandma questions anymore about how she makes things. It is such a wierd and uncomfortable feeling. But alas, such is life.

I went to a REAL yoga class yesterday with F at this place and it was amazing. It was an hour and half yoga session and WOW did it feel good. It was hard, really hard, because I am not very flexible... but gosh so relaxing. And at the very end we layed on the grown for about 15 minutes resting and the instructor did Reiki, and ive never experienced it before. The jury is out if it worked, but over all i left feeling really good, and really calm, and in a completely different mood than when i arrived.

This weekend is going to be busy, and the following weekends for a few weeks. This weekend ill be in dayton for some birthdays, and saturday we are helping Matt's dad out to help sell his tractor business at the Cub Tug -- a non professional tractor pull. And actually, i am really looking forward to it. Hopefully there will be some relaxing pool-laying happening this weekend too. The following weekends this month there is a good chance we'll be back home helping at Grandma's house...

I looked at my calendar this morning and realized that in 3 and half months we'll be in EUROPE cruising the Rhine river. I am barely waiting. That vacation couldnt come soon enough!!!

that's all i got for now.... hopefully ill write again soon.

r-e-l-a-x

2010-07-07T08:44:00.002-04:00

I am much more relaxed this week.

Thank GOODness.

Under ordinary circumstances-- and not having had the week i had last week-- i probably would be a little frantic this week at work. This is a busy week for me, but for some reason i feel like id rather handle this than stuff that i dealt with last week. I am calmer today.

My long weekend came at the perfect time and it was very enjoyable! I had Friday thru Monday off work-- i worked all of ONE day last week. Friday I was by myself and i cleaned, i shopped, i relaxed. And at night i went out with E and C, Matt, and a couple others. I got pretty drunk.... more than i tend to want to be but it was much needed! Saturday i woke up, baked a poppy seed cake for my dad (which, by the way, turned out exceptional!), then met M for lunch and a few hours of walking around the square, shopping, eating, tasting wine, talking, it was wonderful. When my parents arrived we went out for a great dinner, walked around town, went to the store and renting a movie. It was so relaxing!

Sunday was much of the same. Everyone got up at thier leisure and we made breakfast together at my house, talked, sat around and relaxed, and then Matt and I took them to the phenomenon known as Jungle Jims. We didn't have a lot of time to spend there, but they haven't been there since all the times they have visited. It was on the way to Uncle Rudy's house where we had a cookout with all of Matt's family. They loved it, they get a long pretty well with matt's family so i think this was just the prescription! They all had to drive back because my dad has SO much work to, but they left around 8 and matt and I stayed for Donny's fireworks, and then drove over to Gina's to watch the Hamilton fireworks from her driveway. It was a family filled day and i loved every minute of it.

Monday matt and I swam in his parents pool and didn't get much done. I RELAXED and that was all i wanted to accomplish. I went to quickly, this week is going to quickly, i cant believe it's mid-july already this weekend. And my birthday. Where did the summer go? Matt says he has something planned, it's a surprise, so i have no idea what my weekend will look like.

But anything is better than the last couple weeks.

Time to get back to work, gotta keep on swimming....

Better days will come

2010-07-01T08:40:00.002-04:00

These past 5 days have been the hardest 5 days i have had in a long time.
Possibly ever.

I was in Chicago saturday and Sunday for an intervention with one of my close friends. I am not ready to discuss details here yet, but it was very, very, very difficult. It was emotionally draining and overwhelming. And on top of a lot of unknowns and travelling i dont know how i did it without falling apart.

During this 36 hour period of emotional stress I got the news that my grandma passed away sunday morning. It was heart breaking. I had to push this pain and sadness so far down to be there for my friend that it made being in Chicago almost unbearable for me. I returned home very, very late Sunday night after driving 6+ hours in torrential down pours, to get in a car again to drive 4 hours to Cleveland for a funeral.

My family has never been so sad. I think this is the first person in my adult life that has died who has such a tremendous influence on all of our lives. She was so close to every single one of us, and has been central in all family functions. And the amazing part, she had her wit and personality all the way until the end. Perhaps this made it harder, but i know when this day came it would be so sad no matter what. It is very difficult on her children-- my dad-- who Ive never seen so sad. I am sad for him. I am sad for me. I am sad for my whole family. My heart hurts a lot right now.

It was a beautiful day yesterday, no clouds, 70 degrees, no humidity. She would have loved it. And a cool wind blew as we said a prayer for her over the grave site. It was a still day except for the breeze and Id like to believe it was her giving us a little sign and a nod that everything is going to be OK.

Grandma wrote an autobiography. I couldn't read it because of the pain, but its incredible. She documents her life, her parents life, and typed it out on a manual type-writer. And then re-typed it 3 times for each of her kids. How amazing is that. She was an amazing woman. She will be missed and the loss in our family is profound. But this day was inevitable, she had to die to be with her sister who she was never without. And now we have an angel in heaven watching over us all.

Please pray for my family to give us peace. Grandma finally is finally home where she belongs.

Better days will come.

2010

2010-06-15T10:28:00.002-04:00

So this year, 2010, has proved to be much more difficult than 2009. I was thinking about it, and actually that i have been so blessed over the last few years that i haven't really been faced with a lot of emotional things. Or perhaps that I have just had a LOT of great things happen to me that its been so much easier focusing on the wonderful to swallow the hard stuff a little easier. I'm not sure how to describe it, I have had a great year and I have grown a lot as a person, as a wife, as a friend, as a daughter, as a daughter-in-law. But this year is, well, full of change.

I had this thought in December, as 2009 came to an end, that that year was incredibly memorable. Life changing really. And the years after college have been unbelievably formative in everything that i have had the opportunity to see and do. This year as i adjust to being married has been full of growing pains. My grandma has been sicker than Ive ever seen her, and ive been to more funerals in the last 6-7 months than I have gone to my entire life. I have grown further apart with some friends that has been rough on my heart, but at the same time growing new connections with other friends. And recently i have been approach by one friend's family to reach out to help in a way that i have never done before. And well i am not ready to discuss the details here yet, this outreach is highly emotionally charged for me right now. I have a lump in my gut about it really because I don't know how it will end, or how it will affect my relationship with this person, so many unknowns. The where, the how, is my role good enough?

It's been tough.

But as i sit here and write this entry, I also have a calming feeling in my heart. I have learned a lot of valuable lessons this year. Lessons i have learned from my husband, my new and old friends, my new in-laws, my family. Lessons that they probably don't even realize they were teaching. And i am in a good place right now, feeling comfortable in my own skin and accepting the turbulence that comes and goes in my life. And i tried as hard as i can to let the highs linger in my head as long as possible. Like the highs of this past weekend at UD reunion, the feeling of being at home right where we all left off 5 years ago. The community, the acceptance, and love.... it;s incredible.

This weekend i am attending a Baptism, my soon-to-be Godson is going to be baptised and I have been thinking all week what we should get him. I read on a website a letter to him when he grows up would be so nice. And so i have been thinking of what i would say to him, what would i include, and maybe cut out some newspapers of what is happening on this day when in many years he will read this. I think i would want to tell him how much i love him, and that i feel so unbelievably privileged to have been asked by your parents to have this role in your life. And that i had Godparents, too, but they never had an impact on me. I will ask him to forgive me for not knowing what it means to be a good Godparent to you, but i will do my darnedest to figure it out. One thing i do know is that learning your relationship with God is not as easy journey, in fact one i am still figuring out to this day. I will not tell you the way to believe, but encourage you to challenge yourself and your relationships you develop with others, yourself, and God every day. The learning is the journey and it's full of rewards (and challenges too). I cant wait to see you grow up, I cant wait to talk to you in a few years to learn about your feelings and perspectives on things because we have a lot to learn in this life and from each other. And before you know it- you're old. They say life happens in a blink of an eye, enjoy it, accept the hardships, embrace the joys, and feel every moment... its those feelings that are the sweet stuff of life. Because what is important in life is the LOVE and PEOPLE, and the two when they converge.

" May you DANCE to the BEAT God placed in your heart"

Summer time is here

2010-06-08T08:40:00.002-04:00

I do believe summer is in full swing.

When a new season comes i find a new love for it every year, and I really do enjoy summer time and being outside, cookouts and swimming pools, festivals, summer parties, long walks on warm evenings. Love.it.all. The past couple weekends i have soaked up all of it, Matt's parents memorial day party and swimming in their pool (which believe it or not is already super warm), we had out first cookout with E and C on sunday night, very last minute, and really it was a perfect night for it. Not to mentioned a cookout the previous night at matt's friend C's.

Matt and I have started undertaking the massive amounts of work in our yard-- however small the yard of ours may be. We probably spent a couple hundred dollars on yard supplies and chemicals to rid the weeds and clover and all the ugliness that surrounds it. And were not done with our purchases either, i think mulch and dirt are still to come once we finish round one. Finding the weekend to spend a good amount of time making progress is tough to do at this time too, every weekend is busy. This weekend is UD reunion weekend, next weekend is Beer Fest and then Ben's baptism and party, the following weekend is Cleveland for P and E's birthday, then it's 4th of july already.

Summer goes to quick. I wish it was just one month longer, but maybe if it were too long i would take it for granted. I am so tired today, i am not sure why. It was an unusually cool morning, i did not want to get out of bed today. Luckily it is Tuesday and no longer Monday. This week looks busy after work with random plans i think about every night. Summer busyness is in ful swing.... hopefully ill be able to post about it more often.

California

2010-05-27T09:26:00.002-04:00

I'm finally back to it. Being away from home for extended periods of time is exhausting-- no matter if it's a vacation or not. I like routine, normalcy, i like to sleep in my own bed.

My trip to California was good, uneventful, so it was good. I flew out Sunday night and didn't get to my hotel and in bed until well after 3:30am EST so I was so exhausted. The week with all the senior level finance people was exhausting, and i hate always feeling like the most junior level person there. And i find that people from DC in the finance world are too uppity-- and into themselves. During round tables and breaks i found myself just waiting for the time to pass, i hate feeling that. At the end, i was ready for my family to arrive and be done with work.

The weekend was nice with my family, we did a lot of stuff in just a short period of time. We went to Napa Valley (which i LOVED) and saw all these vineyards of the wine (and cheap wine) i drink so often. We ate at the Culinary Institute of America right in the heart of Napa, YUM!!! Which was precluded by another amazing meal at Domain Chandon, um, double YUM! The whole weekend was actually spent dining at fantastic places each day. One more notable was a dim sum (sp?) place we went to with my dad's friends on Saturday. It was authentic Chinese, and boy was it oily! I actually liked almost everything we ate, and it was the first time i ever ate chinese dim sum style. We also saw the Golden Gate Bridge, went to China Town, Japan Town, Fisherman's Wharf, Monterey, Carmel, and packed every single day with stuff to do and see. It was exhausting. We went on a Whale Watch in Monteray, and I decided to take some sea sick pills that made me SO drowsy-- so dowsey that it sucked every ounce of energy out of me, so the day in Monterrey was such a strain for me. But it was short, and busy, and i got the most of out it. All in all, it was a good trip.

But i am glad to be back. Lots of things to follow-up on at work, but I am looking forward to the Sex and the City 2 premier tonight with friends. E is coming with me with my old group of friends, so she can put names with faces of the people i talk about. I am so glad she is coming. Then tomorrow is Friday and another long weekend for Memorial Day. I have so much to do, but i am thinking the whole weekend will be fun (and hopefully relaxing).

In other, unrelated news, i got word on Wednesday that my Aunt's husband died of an aneurysms. I feel so sorry for my aunt, i know she is having a tough time right now with everything going on my with my grandma but now this. I am actually still in shock about it, i mean i saw him at Easter and he was fine and his old self. He was kind of a loud, jolly kind of guy always talking about something German. And to think that my aunt's first husband died of an aneurysms too, many years ago. How much heart ache can a person handle in one life time? Unfortunately i cant go to the funeral, i sent flowers this morning and will be thinking about her and my family all day today and tomorrow. Crazy how fast things can change.

Better days will come.

May Flowers

2010-05-10T14:53:00.002-04:00

Cant believe it's mid-may already--well, almost MID-May, it seems like it's practically summer. Lots of suff is going on in May, i saw my old college roommate get married on May 1st, i saw my parents this weekend for mothers day, im going to California for almost 10 days next week, then it's memorial day. It will be nice to have a long weekend after a busy couple weeks. Even this weekend looks busy, i catch a flight Sunday, and i have so many pet projects i need to get done this month both at work and at home.

Xanex please?

Luckily things are doing OK on the home front. I have been thinking about my grandma a lot since she continues to get weaker and weaker. I got an email from my mom today sent to my sister telling me she was up all night last night moaning ' o my god.' She is in Hospice now, and someone is coming over to the house to relieve my dad's sister on weekends because her husband was send to the hospital on friday with an 'infectious disease of the blood, that has a high mortality rate." Whatever that means. It's wierd i say things are OK, i say it because it seems my mom and dad have a somewhat positive outlook on things for the first time. And even though there has been a lot of stress and fighting, things come together in times of great need. And i think this is one of those times... and time will only tell how things will work out.

Last week was an incredibly stressful week at work as we prepared all our budget deliverables for FY12. We had a short turnaround so i felt so stressed the entire week. It alll came to a head this morning when we presented our briefing to senior management and my boss was thrown under the bus for an incomplete chart that SHE WASN'T RESPONSIBLE FOR. Luckily the rest of the week i can catch up on everything that was put on the back burner last week.

I look forward to the warm weather to return and for it to feel more like summer. Matt and I certainly have our work cut out for us in the yard when the weather arrives, but busy is good. I just need to keep telling myself that.

Busy is good.....

Until next time.

My ipod

2010-04-29T08:15:00.003-04:00

Matt updated my Ipod on Tuesday. Sounds pretty simple and unimportant, eh? Well, actually I am hoping this is a shift in momentum. I havent really updated any new songs on my Ipod since before i got married, then my computer crashed in December, and pretty much i haven't done anything with my music since because i thought i had lost all my songs in the December 2009 crash. Now, dont get me wrong, i am no music junkie by any means. I have friends that have thousands, maybe (ten?) thousand songs on thier ipods? No, not me, i have maaaaybe 300 something songs, most of which were songs downloaded for me from a few select friends that love their music.

But the point is... my Ipod has been my workout motivator. Before i got married i seriously was a gym rat and worked out all-the-time. Probably five times a week on average. Now? Maybe twice, three times on an especially good week. But my workouts have also changed too. Now, i have been walking sorta regularly with my friend,E- which has been both good for the body and mind, sometimes Matt and F walk with me. But at the gym i always had some sort of routine-- 30 to 40 minutes on the treadmill to get in at least 3-4 miles, then 30 minutes on the elliptical, and then 15 minutes of weights. Not to bad, right? I did have results. I was much more tone, i weighed less for sure, and I KEPT IT UP!

I honestly believe that this updated Ipod of mine will really help. And i think this is because Matt loaded about 50 new songs that i just LOVE to sing and dance to on the radio. So now i own them and i cant wait to hear them again. And the only time i listen to my ipod is either when I'm cleaning or WORKING OUT. And lets be real, cleaning is never something i want to do. So here's hoping for the best!!!!

since im slightly bored right now, here are a few good workout/running songs i really enjoy right now:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sy3I5S4Pm68

Weekend at home recap

2010-04-26T09:02:00.003-04:00

What a full filled weekend, truly it was. I was a great 3 days spent with a lot of quality time! I had Friday off and i got a TON of stuff accomplished. I cleaned the ENTIRE house, and by clean i mean CLEEEAned. I scrubbed the floors, did laundry, did all the dishes, went to the grocery, went to get matt's oil changed, went to buy a birthday card, went to pick up a gift card, even went to the gym for 30 minutes, showered and cooked an entire meal for B, A, B;s brother Nick and C... all of matt's good friends. O ya, i even managed to drop in Banana Republic just to see if there were any cute dresses for a wedding this weekend. And the BEST PART-- i found an ADORABLE black dress, that just happened to be in my size, for 30 bucks!!! YeS, you read that right, THIRTY!!! From banana-- which would regularly be priced at well over 100. Yay, GO ME!! My weekend started off great. And dinner on Friday night was wonderful, we played games, and drank wine, and had a pretty darn good Friday.

Saturday morning Matt and I went to Bed Bath and Beyond to get some tassimo coffee for me an then we rather serendipitously ran into my college roomie, F, and got to have lunch with them! It was so nice to run into her and her husband, especially since our walking Wednesday this week didnt exactly work out. When we got back to the house, the rain so far had held off so Matt and I decided to go walking all around town. We probably were out for almost two hours--- stopping at a garage sale, swung on the swings at the park, and stopped by Biggs to pick up some fresh flowers so i can give them to my friend J at her dance recital that night. That ended up being really nice too because i went with A and got to see her house-- all done after all the renovated-- and spend some good tme with her. I appreciate it. And then! Matt got a random call from his college roommate who lives in Brooklyn that was in town for a wedding he thought Matt was going to. His friend skipped out on the wedding to come and hangout with us so we spend the entire rest of hte night with them. They went to Amarin with us so i could get some yummy sushi since i hadnt had dinner, then we went to the Oakley Sq for some more drinkin. I think Matt had really great night.

Sunday was supposed to be a complete wash of day, but believe it or not it started out B-E-A-Utifully!!! I woke up around 9 and he sun was shining, it was rather warm with a slightly cool breeze, so i opened up all the windows and made a cup of coffee waiting for Matt to get up. Then we got to go to the 10:30 mass at our church to see Fr. Knapp ( the priest who married us and is an AMAZING priest). It was perfect, it was sunny, the mass was perfect because they had the full choir, and homily was so uplifting, it was just the absolute perfect start. O and the choir-- they sound like a CD. Matt says they are so pretty it makes you want to cry. I loved it. We then met up with matt's old roommate and his friend for a nice Brunch at Tellers in Hyde Park Sq, then we went to Walmart, the grocery, and Trader Joe's, and finally to Matt's parents to visit and have dinner. It was nice, i got to whole my Godson for a while and hangout,have a dinner, and get home at a reasonable time. It was a good weekend. One without travel and schedules, and absolutely no stress. And you wouldn't even believe that though it was soo nice this weekend, it rained almost the whole time.

Nothin new

2010-04-22T08:41:00.002-04:00

Last super busy travel weekend is behind us-- i think we'll be in town for the next few weeks. Until, well, i am in California for just about 9 days the ladder part of May. I am looking forward to that-- not the working part-- but the vacation part. The wedding we went to last weekend for my cousin was good, but i was so exhausted from all the driving, and o ya-- the ridiculous $136 UNNECESSARY speeding ticket. I coulda done without that for sure.

This week i have been hanging out with E a bunch; watched dancing with the starts on Monday, we went on a walk Tuesday with M, went to El Toro for margaritas and dinner yesterday with a few others, we might go shopping tonight.... i do have to do yard work though since it's supposed to rain this weekend. It's been nice. Next weekend is my old roommate's kelly's wedding, but it's in town so that will be nice too. This weekend i am going to J's recital, a 'dance party' in M's new apartment, and then also having B, A,N, C over for dinner friday night. Damn, im stressin about cooking. But im looking forward to chilling out for a little bit this weekend. Tomorrow is my day off so i got a lot on the docket.

This week matt and I started driving to work together. It's been nice getting home from work with him every day, and we are saving a TON of money by parking only one car downtown. Although matt doesn't like his new job very much so the drive home this week has been high tension. Hopefully things get better for him.

No really exciting news to share with the world this week.... or at least nothing comes to mind right now. So to close, Happy Earth day to all!!

Emotions are funny things

2010-04-14T09:00:00.005-04:00

An unbelievably emotional week for some reason-- WHY? I have nO idea!!! A bunch of little things culminating and i even cried in front of my boss on Monday. Little things little things... feeling sad about my grandma's situation, breaking my Tiffany bracelet on Saturday night and probably never getting the pieces back, some friends, my stress at work, my travelling, who knows.... i cried at work. I need to regain perspective, the rest of the week has been better but i am still stressed out. The last couple nights i haven't slept all that well.

I did have a pretty good weekend, and the weather has been phenomenal lately. We went up to Matt's aunt's house on friday night last weekend for pizza night and it was SO fun. I just LOVE matt's cousins, they are so funny and welcoming, and they kept saying that they want to come down to our house to see it and drink wine with me. They are so fun! We also went over to J and J so my sister-in-law and i went to walmart with the boys. That was an adventure, but it's fun hanging out with her so id didnt mind. Saturday was busy and we went to Dayton for the surprise engagement party and got on a party bus.... and ended up crashing a 3 year olds birthday party and drunkenly found ourselves in the huge blow-up bouncy house. This is wear the bracelet incident happened.

In this picture i am still wearing the bracelet on my right wrist.

Monday i babysat my nephews with matt again, it was a tiring night because we went up there right after work and didnt get home or eat dinner until after 10. And on this day it was a super long because i got emotional, my work trip's plans changes, overwhelming. But the silver lining of it all is Matt and I are going to be baby Ben's God parents!!! What an incredible honor, we are really excited about it.

This weekend we are going to my cousins wedding, i am DREADING all the driving i will be doing, but finally next week it will be much slower. I think i am going to hangout with P in the evening on Saturday and then go to J's dance recital next Sunday afternoon. The rest of the time will be spent relaxing. Then in May every other weekend i have a wedding and then California for 8 days for work and with my family.

a small vacation will be nice. But any little good things that make me feel good about myself are even nicer.

I have my mid-year performance review with my boss in 15 minutes... hopefully today will be a good day.

Easter Recap

2010-04-06T08:02:00.002-04:00

So i am back to work today after taking monday off to travel back to cinci from my weekend home. It was nice to get home early on friday-- thanks to Matt's work schedule-- and have a nice dinner with the family at a reasonable time. We had this amazing sushi at a new asian restaurant that literally is like teleporting to Japan. Everything seemed authentic, and the food was FANTASTIC. It was a nice way to start the weekend off on the upswing. The weather was great almost the entire weekend, and Saturday i made cheesy hash browns for brunch at my Aunt's on Easter and Deviled eggs for dinner at my grandma's later in the afternoon. It was the first Easter since matt's been around when we haven't been driving through snow piled streets. It was beautiful.

Until we got the phone call from my dad's sister that my Great Aunt had passed away. The whole rest of the weekend turned somber as the news is still hard to digest. Now, i never was very close to her because she is a little bit removed from my life. However, my dad saw her as a second mom growing up, she lived right next door to my grandma for my dad's entire life and they were inseparable. My Grandma and my aunt called each other every day, they used to sit on the stoop together and chit chat (when they were both a little more able bodied), they were always looking out for one another. They helped each other through everything in life, even the hardest things like losing their husbands. They held the closest bond of sibling hood and really brought it to a new level or closeness and really, they have never been apart. Until now.

I am really sad about it. I am sad for my grandma, even though i don't think her head accepts it yet. She says she still cant believe it. And how could you? You've lived every single day talking to this person for 90 years and one day she isnt there. 90 years with someone right next door! I am sad for my dad, as he clearly is having a hard time realizing it because she was a huge part in his mom's life and his life growing up. All the memories flash through your head and the sadness grows. And the ironic part, my sister stopped over on Friday to check in to report back to grandma since Auntie was in teh hospital earlier last week, she looks 'great' according to D. And the questions mount as to what the right decision should have been that could have kept her alive. But this day was bound to come as she was 93 years old with her internal organs were all failing her to some degree.

I think of Auntie fondly through grandma;s stories.... and pretty much every time i visit grandma she had some kind of update from her. I remember growing up and visiting and walking over to Auntie's in the evenings because that;s where they always sat and talked outside on the stoop. I also remember playing in grandma;s backyard and hearing her yell at her husband-- she was always a feisty women with one heck of an opinion. And she was never afraid to voice it, no matter how it came out. But it's funny because that's just how she was, and she told you what she thinks because she cares. But the stories will probably dwindle now, and i have no idea what the next couple days, weeks, months will be like for Grandma. I hope and pray that she is OK... even though i can only imagine how profound the sadness may be. And i will probably never understand or even know.

For now i can only pray for the people i love that are still here. The wake is tonight and the funeral is Wednesday. Grandma wont be able to go because she isn't mobile, but i hope it's beautiful and hopeful. As grandma said to me yesterday, better days will come.

80s?? YES

2010-03-31T09:31:00.002-04:00

I gotta be honest, posting about the weather seems just about the lamest excuse for a post that i can possibly be think of. BUT I CANT HELP IT!! There is 80+ degree weather in my future as soon as TOMORROW!!!! O my gosh, i am soaking it all in!!! Last night E and I went on a walk for over 2 hours and it was PERFECT!! We walked the big hills by her house in Mount Lookout and then all the way over to Ault Park, around Hyde Park Sq and back to her apartment. Great walk, so much fun, and I love SUMMER time!

Tonight im going out to dinner in Hyde Park Sq for one of my old roommate's bdays, we are eating outside and there will be half priced wine. I love dining outside, i cant wait to put out my umbrella on our patio and start eating outside more often. And for the first time yesterday i saw people out moving their lawns, YES, mowing their lawns.

I hope my next post is more interesting. I forgot how much i love spring:)

Happy Hump Day!

last weekend in March already!

2010-03-29T09:27:00.004-04:00

I cannot believe it is going to be April by the end of this week! I just looked at my calendar and it looks like April is going to fly by-- with a two trips to Cleveland for Easter and then for my cousin's wedding, J and A's surprise engagement party, dinner with P and N the last weekend, and then it's May already! And May is almost full to with another wedding and then the trip to California for 8 days. I just cannot wait for summer activities, and warm weather, and not to mention that this week it's suppose to hit the 70's!!

I cannot believe how fast March seemed to come and gone, i remember blogging about how much i hate March. But i think February felt much longer, the weather and longer days this month has turned the corner for the better. I have really enjoyed going on walks around the area with Matt, and F and E, it feels so good to be outside, getting exercise and spending some good quality time with people. I cannot wait for that morning when i wake up to the window's open and i can open up the whole house to the sound of birds, and lawn mowers, and kids outside. That is perfection!

My last weekend in March turned out quite nicely too. It was the perfect balance of relaxation and busyness. Friday was a nice night so matt and I went out to Sake Bomb for sushi and to try the place out because it's REALLY close to our house and we had to try it. We MUST try all the sushi places so we can know which places are a good 'value.' Sake bomb was not, but hey-- we HAD to know. And it was good spending the night with each other. Saturday morning we were out and about all day; we woke up and ran a couple errands to pick up dog food, and a few things for the afternoon because we were going to spend the entire day with B and A. We went out to lunch with them, then Matt and B went off and rake thier friend's yard ALL day while A and I made buckeyes and went shopping. We spend ALL day together, and she told me how i was her 'fashion expert' because she thinks she is clueless. haha that still makes me laugh, but we both had a productive day at the outlets and i brought home TONS of yummy buckeyes that i cant wait to share with everyone. Matt's friend C grilled and cooked for us all that night and it was FANTASTIC!!! he bought cedar and soaked it and threw on the grill where he cooked chicken breasts packed with brushetta a few other things and the flavor was UNREAL. The smokey flavor totally soaked through the chicken and every bite was gourmet-- so so soooo good. Unfortunately we couldnt stay too long because we needed to get downtown for a birthday celebration for F. It was truly a good day.

Yesterday matt and I went to church for Palm Sunday at Saint Marys by our house, and then went to see matt's cousin's kid in the High School Musical Annie at Badin High School. She is in 5th grade and she was Molly, gosh was she cute!!! I am so glad we went to show our support, and we got to see the aunts and spend a little time with everyone. We went to dinner with the fam and i got to hold my new new phew and feed him. I adore that little guy. I held him while his mom was getting his bottle ready and he was crying so much, and he would look up at me and i couldnt help but melt because he is so precious. I think that was the first time i held a crying baby and loved it even more. And it was also the first time i held a crying baby and was able to comfort it, i hope some day matt and I can make such beautiful babies;-)

So here we are back to Monday, it rained a LOT all the way into work today and it's still so gloomy outside. But it's ok... more sunshine is on the way!

Happy Monday!!

Walks and the spring time weather

2010-03-22T09:41:00.004-04:00

Hello Spring!!! I am pretty sure the past 4 days have been four strong shots of straight spring. Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and really even Sunday- though mostly cloudy-- were near perfect spring-like days. Yes, spring doesn't mean wearing shorts (even though there were plenty of people in shorts around) but it was sunny, just a few clouds and mid-upper 60s. And in the sun was actually quiet warm. Recently I have been getting into walking a lot because it's nice to be outside after a long day of work inside an office. And the best part about where i live is there are TONS of neat neighborhoods to walk, just to look at the houses because they all look different, and there are so many people out in about. People leave water bowls out on the sidewalks because so many people walk their dogs. Matt and I have already done a couple 2+ hour walks just because you can wander ANYWHERE!! Just to see what restaurants are around the corner, to check out the houses on some block, or just to see what's down another street. After every season passes I have a renewed love of what's to come. And I do love this time of year. the daffodils around our driveway are in FULL bloom right now and they are simply beautiful!

The coming weeks ( actually the entire month of April and into May) are completely packed full with plans on the weekends. Plans and overbooked plans, it's so nice to have interesting and different things to do on the weekends with friends and family. The week days seems to fly by and matt and I manage to stay really busy. tomorrow night i am going to the David Gray concert with J and A, i havent been to a concert in a while so I am looking forward to it. Tonight i am hopefully going walking with E then we are going to watch Dancing with the Stars together. This weekend Matt and I are spending all of Saturday with B and A-- while A and I make buckeyes all day. Then is J's birthday Saturday night. Sunday we are seeing Annie at Badin High School because Matt's little cousin has the lead in their HS play. And I just cannot believe Easter is right around the corner!

Sunshine and this weather certainly puts a 'SPRING' in my step:) No pun intended. It's gloomy outside right now, but I am looking foward to more great weather in just a couple days.

Happy Spring to you!!

a pretty good week

2010-03-05T09:48:00.003-05:00

So this week has been alright. And i say 'alright' in an upbeat approving tone. It definitely seemed to have gone by pretty fast and this weekend looks to be pretty nice. And nice weather, I can see the sun shining down with blue skies as i look out my window from my office. It's amazing what kind of free therapy the sun can give you.

So lets see, this week in review: Monday night E and M came over to watch the season finale of the bachelor. that was a really fun night, not to mention i got my one and only workout in that day. I ordered pizza, and we sat around and chit chated and had a really good time. We were going to get together again this coming monday but ill be in DC. (insert sad face here). Tuesday was a relaxing day, i am pretty sure I dont even remember what i did. Wednesday I got to see J and A for dinner and catch up with them at applebees, then i relaxed at home while matt played poker with his boys. Last night i went out for sushi and a new place a mile from our house, the Blue Elephant. It was delicious! Tonight matt and I are having dinner and game night with B and A, tomorrow i plan on relaxing, hopefully working out, being outside, and then driving to Columbus to meet my family for dinner. And sunday I am seeing The 39 steps at the Aronoff with Matt and his brother. It's really looking up, and it's supposed to be in the 50s this weekend!!! I officially changed, washed, and put away our flannel sheets yesterday. That was my way of saying to the earth, ' Winter, i am done with you until next year.' I am hoping it listens:)

Unfortunately i will be out of town most of next week, it sucks. But at least i am not too overwhelmingly stressed about what i need to be there for. Hopefully every day goes by fast. And ill probably even make some $$ off this trip too.

I hope you and yours has a wonderful weekend and week ahead. Until next time...

March is here

2010-03-01T08:38:00.005-05:00

well, HELLO March. It's nice to see you.. although i tend to not look foward to March. It's long, it's grey, it's cold. No holidays. Really nothing to look forward to this month at all. Things to not look forward to include work trips, but we'll save the negativity for another post.

I do have quite a few things on my mind this Monday. Things like my Grandma, my friends, the Olympics, my husband, my family. Not all of them are things i want to talk about right here and now, but they are floating around up there. A lot.

Lets start with something good-- the Olympics and how much i LOVE the games. I admit i didnt watch nearly as much as i would have liked, but the one things about this time if the spirit it evokes all around. It's a lot of great energy and it really brings us all together. My favorite part-- the Hockey game last night USA vs. Canada. And hockey is not one sport i like to watch, but this game brought EVERYONE together. It was one heck of a game too. I went to the gym in the middle of it and as i looked down the row of elipticals all the tv monitors were tuned into this game. Every one of us was intently watching and we all simultaneously cheered when we scored our first goal. It was something really neat to watch, and to know that SO MANY OTHERS are watching this game right now too. What a truly memorable Olympics, and a great metal showing for our country. I am certainly proud to be part of this country.

In other unrelated news my Grandma was released from rehab this weekend. It is great news because we all know how hard she has worked for the doctors to send her home. Considering she has battled psuenomia (sp?), more fluid in her lungs, complications with her water, diabetes, and open soars on her legs, not to mention the swelling in her legs and feet which makes it even more painful for her to get around. But would you believe it that she was taking steps and riding on a stationary bike!?! What a strong willed woman. I am so proud of her. Now that is not to say she is better and healthy at home because she is not, she is still very weak and old, and needs a lot of help right now. It breaks my heart thinking about her in all honesty. She told me last week that she has been praying for all of us her whole life and now it's her turn. And is she ever so right, and it's our turn to make she she knows how much we love her and want her to be OK. I thought it would be nice for her grankids to make sure she knows she feels loved. I decided to take it upon myself to make sure gram knows and send her a letter from all of her grandkids. I emailed all them and told them to get back to me with a little note or letter by today. And would you believe it that only half the family responded to me? I dont get it, it's like her kids split down the middle and only 2 families responded. Why would you not respond? This has nothing to be with me, or family, or any one cousin, it has everything to do with making sure grandma feels loved and appreciated.. and us taking note that every.single.day we have with her now is a gift. WHY would you not want to do something nice? It's very disheartening....

However, in all my weekend was very relaxing. Matt and I called it a "stay cation" for real. We went out on a couple dates both nights and got to use some old gift cards we had around. Friday night we went to Bonefish Grill and had a fantastic meal for since we don't eat meat on Friday's during lent. Then we asked a few friends to go to the Pub with us and that was a time and matt got to spend a good night with some of his poker friends he doesnt really party with on weekends. I know he appreciated it. And i got to spend time with my new friend E- who is also coming over tonight to watch the Bachelor with me. She certainly is becoming a solid friend of mine and I cant even describe how happy that makes me. Especially when i too often feel forgot froma select few of other friends. But i wont go there today. Saturday night matt and I also had a good day together, we went out for bubble tea in clifton, drove around, went to bed bath and beyond to pick up some coffee and then relaxed and had another great dinner at Bravo (thank you saint Nick!).

For lent this year instead of giving up something i decided i would try to go to Church every week since ive been so bad about it. So far so good, matt and I went to St. Mary's in Hyde park yesterday morning and then went out to brunch together. It was good we did that together, it definitely helped us get back in step with each other.

So lots going on ahead, busy weekend ahead as well. Here a couple pics with E and Matt and his poker friends at the bar. Check on the shoes---- wowza.

Just another Tuesday

2010-02-23T08:39:00.003-05:00

So what has been going on my life since the unbelievably sad week i had last week? I guess not a whole lot. Ive been thinking about my other friend J who is also having struggles with her dad's health as he is moving to a facility to take care of him with his advancing ALS. He is moving today, out of her childhood home, out, oy, my friends need to catch a break.

Nothing is going on in my life, i have been feeling like I can get a lot of my energy right now by doing things for others. It does feel selfishly good to be helpful; I slaved away for 2-3 hours on Sunday to make homemade lasagna and a chocolate chocolate chip cake my my sister-in-law and her family as they readjust to thier new arrival. Although i am not sure i will get much thanks for that. I also made some cake for matt's parents and they were BEYOND appreciative by how good it was, and it was pretty good if i do say so myself. In fact, i think it might be one of my all time favorite desserts. Saturday night i went up to Dayton to celebrate two wonderful friend's engagement... it was a great time. We went out to Mexican and then bowling-- which i haven't done in yeeeears. I bowled a huge 44!! But it was fun to spend time with that whole gang, and catch up with some who i dont get to see very often. they truly are some great friends.

This week I dont have much going on; I went over to E's to watch the Bachelor last night and catch up with her. That was nice. Tonight is LOST with matt (which i am also excited about), and then who knows what this week and weekend will have in store. I gave Matt the ultimatum that is he doesnt take action to buy a new computer by the end of this month I will... so we'll see how that goes this weekend.

It's been almost 5 months since we've been married and we still haven't given out photographer a few songs to put into our wedding video. we gotta do that this weekend. Got any good suggestions?

Lots of random thoughts, but i think i will close for right now. Just going to keep on swimming....

A peaceful passing and a new beginning

2010-02-17T10:29:00.002-05:00

I went. I went to NYC because I found out a couple hours before i left for the airport the services were going to held after i returned. I went, I felt sorry i wasn't in town when she called and texted me to hangout. But I dont think she was mad. I went to the visitation and the mass last night and it was beautiful. I cried a lot for K, her family and D. It was beautiful and just so sad. I am thinking about her constantly right now as i know in the next hour she is going to be burying her dad. I can only imagine how hard it's going to be for her and the family. K will probably never know how sick i feel not knowing how to be a good friend to her, or how to be helpful to her right now, i just never know what the right thing to do is. All you can do is pray.

As sad as all this is, there was a birth this weekend. Matt's brother and sister-in-law had a new baby. We visited in the hospital yesterday morning and he is beautiful. Mom and baby are both doing well. I got a little teary-eyed when i first saw him. What an emotional weekend.

It's ironic that today is the first day of Lent. I am going to mass again with matt for Ash Wednesday in about 1/2 hour. Hopefully my next post will be only brighter.

Rest in Peace D, may you live on forever in the hearts of your family. K is surely a reflection of you. Welcome home.
And to new baby, Ben.... cant wait to see what trials and triumphs await you. Life is fast.

The Not Knowing

2010-02-11T08:23:00.002-05:00

Things here always remain interesting, and of course, ever-changing. I am not sure what gaps to fill-in since the last post, but i sure have been busy. Highlights/low lights probably include some long days standing in Matt's dad's garage writing off goodwill, eating out with friends, trivia night, having friends over to dinner, gosh who knows. This weekend New York City is in my plans to visit my sister and my entire family has been looking forward to this long weekend since before Christmas.

here is the thing. One of my good friend's dad is dying of pancreatic cancer. Yes, he was diagnosed a while ago and he has been deteriorating every since she went on sabbatical from work back in August. However, she is home again because her dad was admitted into hospice and the nurses do believe this is probably the end. It's horrible, he isn't eating, he is heavily sedated with pain meds, and the whole family is just bracing for a peaceful passing. This girl was in my wedding, obviously not just an acquaintance. No, what do i do? If he dies and the funeral is this weekend what do i do with these non-refundable $300+ plane tickets and all the plans over the weekend? I sound like an awful person even posting the question. Matt thinks i should go, but it's his logic talking. My heart is so heavy not knowing when it will happen and what the right thing to do in this situation is. It's heavy thinking about my friend. It's a tough week.... Please send some advice if anyone is out there.

Monday is past

2010-01-26T08:00:00.002-05:00

So i am better today, i told you I would be. I ended up leaving work pretty close to 6, a little past the snowing fall sideways. Luckily the roads didnt get bad within that window of opportunity and I made it home not as late as i thought. I just get perturbed when i am tired and exhausted and I have to stay late waiting on someone else when this deadline they knew about days prior!! In fact, i even followed up multiples times during the day to ensure they would get it done BEFORE 5 EST. But enough of stupid people.

Last night I went to E's apartment to watch the bachelor-- she also had two other friends over. One who ive met before and the other who i didn't, both were SUPER nice! I brought over Indian food and we just vedged out. Both of her friends were SO interesting, one is finishing her PhD in neuroscience at UC and the other is waiting on her final application for med school at Yale. Not to mention she already got into Case and Northwestern, and who know what other schools she didnt tell me about. Wheew!! It felt good to be around new people, people who were glad to be around me. I need this. I need low maintenance friends, i need friends that call me and care, i need to be around people that dont make me feel like i dont belong. I am sick of drama, i am sick of investing so much thought into what my so-called friends think about me. And, of course, we all know this topic of conversations spawns from just a small few people here. I do have some fantastic friends too in my life. But you know what i am getting at.

Glad Monday is over and I am another day closer to the weekend. A weekend we dont really have plans... which is nice. Hopefully the sun comes out a little bit.

WORK VENT

2010-01-25T17:23:00.002-05:00

i AM SITTING AT WORK FUMING!!!! I AM WAITING TO GO HOME BUT STUPID CALIFORNIA SITE OFFICE CANT GET THIER DATA IN ON TIME. I DONT HAVE A WORKING COMPUTER, I COULD HAVE LEFT WORK 25 MINUTES AGO BEFORE IT STARTED SNOWING A LOT! A LOT!!!!!! Now who the fuck knows how long it will take me to get home because cincinnati drivers are idiots whenever there is anything falling from the sky, and i am just sitting here twiddeling my thumbs waiting for the fuckers in california WHERE IS ONLY 2:30 THERE GET OFF THIER ASSES!!!!!! STILLL WAITING!!!!!

i need a damn computer and a husband that had priorities every once in a while. I hate it when it takes a tipping point like this!!!

Thanks for letting me vent.

Ill be better tomorrow.

Another day another dollar

2010-01-21T08:53:00.002-05:00

I am doing a little better today, nothing really has changed since my last post but I do feel a little better. Emotionally-- definitely not physically. J, A and I went snowboarding last night. It was their 2nd attempt and my first. I am SO bad, i didnt do as terrible as anticipated, but i am definitely not good by any means! It was different, it was a change of scenery, it was welcomed. I am SORE!!!

This weekend I am going back up to Cleveland to see both grandmas this time and go to the Cavs game Saturday night. Apparently Grandma G went to the hospital yesterday for severe swelling in her legs. More sad news on that end. Another whirl wind weekend in front of me.

hopefully more good news next post.

Down

2010-01-19T08:36:00.003-05:00

I hope it's a hormonal thing, but gosh do i feel down right now. I cant pin-point what exactly it is right now. I don't know if it just ONE thing, but i just cant seem to be happy and excited. I had a long weekend and I just didnt feel like going anywhere. I could have stayed in my house all day long. I did leave, but i didn't feel like partying and seeing a lot of people. I, for some reason, felt that my laughter would feel fake. Matt and I were shopping for shelves and cabinets yesterday and a few times he looked over at me and said i looked dead. Everything felt tired and exhausted. I didn't feel like myself, i dont like it.

I am a little better today, although I have plans to snowboard (try to snowboard) with J and A tomorrow and I feel exhausted thinking about it. Also not like me. How do i snap out of whatever this is?

There are a few things in particular that seem gloomy. Like my Grandma and how sick and debilitated she has become. This weekend she started needing 24-hour care. My mom will be sleeping at her house until thursday and I cant imagine how hard this must be for everyone involved. And my mind just wanders about what it must be like, and i feel the deep down sadness because my grandma means everything to our family. Then i think about two of my friends who have terribly, terribly sick dad's. And i think about making plans in the future and the feeling fades because what if i have to go to a funeral. It's hard to not be able to think so far ahead. And this weekend I found it particularly hard to be there for those friends in need of support. This selfishness eats away at me too.

What is going on in Haiti is almost incomprehensible and just awful to think about. I think it's a combination of all these happenings and a total feeling of helplessness that I almost am withdrawn. I know i need to some how tune back in. I need to somehow re-energize. I am in need of something... and I hope it comes soon.

Hopefully the next post will be a little more up.

Everything 3-4 weeks... like clock work

2010-01-11T10:00:00.005-05:00

Another weekend came and went, here I am sitting at work on Monday reflecting upon it all. It was a rather good weekend, i did a lot of things that were fun and really enjoyable, spent time with people i care about, also managed to be productive too with house chores and such. It's funny though, that even though i feel positive about it-- I WAY too often get wrapped up in minutia and somehow Matt ends up needing to cheer me up about something stupid. Now, I am not saying i was angry at someone, something, or needed to be cheered up because something dramatic happened. BUT somehow-- probably about every 3rd to fourth week in every month-- i find myself in some sort of existential crisis. Really, it's so silly, but i find myself asking myself really deep questions about my inadequacy. Seriously, Donna, THIS is SO unnecessary. Like after a great time with friends, i leave and ask Matt, " did i say anything wrong tonight" or "should i have said ..." stupid questions to confirm that people like me. Deep down i know they like me, deep down i know i should NOT be worrying about this pointless minutia that will have absolutely NO positive results. Actually, NO results at all.

I think about all the people in my life that i love and I feel SO great about it all. When i think i all the people i could call to tell them how much i care about them. But somehow, during my moments of low confidence i find myself focusing on all those people that i dont think care as much about me. I think of a certain couple actually, that i used to be VERy close to that i dont so much recieve a birthday card from, or any random texts to invite me things. It's not that they DO anything to me, it's the lack of doing things. And I HATE it that this gets to me. In those moments i dwell on this absence of something and never manage to compensate for all the beautiful things the other people in my life do. And that's when Matt has to hear me ramble and rant, he has to make sense of my illogic. I get myself down for NO REASON whatsoever, and start questioning the person i am. Is this normal?

I need to work on myself a lot during these times. It all starts with being comfortable with who i am. Which i truly believe I am... most of the time. I am just so lucky that I have a husband to tolerates my ups and downs.

So in recap, my weekend was incredibly fulfilling (minus the gaps in clarity-- see above). Some excellent friends invited us over on Friday for dinner, to hangout, and play games. It's really is enjoyable hanging out with them, we also end up staying late and laughing A LOT!! Saturday i got to see my BFF in the whole world, with her boyfriend. We met in Cbus and thought we go ice skating. But Matt got scared about 40 minutes away and we ended up going to a pottery place to talk and paint and do something different. Matt couldnt see himself finding enjoyment clinging to a wall surrounded by 7 years olds. I dont blame him. We went out to Benihanna for dinner and had an greeeeeat time. Sunday came and went, I went to the gym for the first time since before i got married. that was productive. I also cleaned, went to the grocery and relaed without matt home. Tonight i am watching the Bachelor with one of my newest girlfriends, and wednesday is Broadway play night with J and A. I am feeling optimistic about this week... and Happy good start to week to you!

Holiday Review

2009-12-29T09:01:00.002-05:00

Once again, it's been a very long time since i last wrote. I dont know what it is, I just have no motivation to write anything. And once i get too far behind it almost feels like I am overwhelmed with the pressure to pick one thing to say. I hope next year to get back in the swing of posting a little more regularly. Or at least once a week. So that at this time next year, i can look back at all my posts and reflect on everything.

Another year well lived.

And another holiday season well spent. It really was, i was SO busy!! Which directly attributes to the fact that i didnt finish my shopping until December 23rd. It's felt like EVERY weekend was booked solid. Every weekend in December. We did manage throw one heck of a holiday bash the first weekend in the month, and we went all out with the food, decorations, drinks, you name it. Maybe a little too much. But it was a lot of fun to decorate, get together with friends, and kinda show off the fully decorated house. I wish i had pictures (my computer crashed that weekend), but our Christmas tree this year is STUNNING. It's unbelievably FAT and super tall. We strung up the old style big lights, some were blinking to give it just enough twinkle, and even added the bubblers. It looks fantastic. We have lights around the fireplace, the stairs, outside, and even hung them in the basement for when we had the party. It really felt homey at Christmas time, hanging out with my hubby with just the light of the tree and garland over the fireplace lighting the room.

We did a lot of Holiday things this month, too. We went to Cleveland twice-- once for the SI holiday party and then again a few short days later for Christmas. We had a wedding one weekend, Matt's family came over for dinner another weekend night, Matt and I baked cookies, went to 2-3 other holiday parties with friends, and even managed to christmas shop together a few times too!!

Our plans over the actual days of Christmas were rather usual. We spent christmas eve just hanging out with my immediate family. We went out to Peppermint for dinner (and the service was impeccable!) and came home, built a fire, made some drinks, opened a few present and played games. It was really nice. Christmas morning is when we opened all the rest of the presents, make a breakfast and head to grams!! It's always a great day. And i find i still get giddy with excitement to find out what i am getting. The following day, my mom had her whole side of the family over for dinner. It was the first year we didnt exchange gifts, but it was still nice to catch up with my cousins. And my mom always does a lot of work to make sure people have a good holiday. I got to spend time with C christmas eve morning and relaxed and ate a whole bunch. It was just a really great christmas.

Sunday night is when Matt and I decided to celebrate our FIRST christmas together. We thought we'd do it after christmas to kind of extend the gift giving and anticipation. It was great, and it even snowed that night for us. After we exchanged gifts we went out to to this little thai restuarant that you can bring your own bottle of wine, and just sat and talked and filled up on delicious sushi. It was super cozy in there, we sat at a table on the floor and I watched it snow outside. It was a great first wonderful.

This weekend my parents are making the trip to visit US for the weekend, and then we are having christmas with Matt's family on sunday. It's going to be another great weekend. And spending New Year with some friends in Dayton. Hopefully matt doesnt have to work too late.

It's been a great year, and a very very memorable one. I can only hope 2010 is even better. I have only one new years resolution-- to get back into shape. Not that i have gained a lot or anything, i just haven't been in routine since September. And actually haven't seen the gym since then too. Maybe I can convince matt too. Hopefully we can both stick to it.

Hopefully I will get some pictures up here soon, and an even bigger hope to get my computer fixed. Looking forward to lots of good posts next year.

Merry SITSmas!

2009-12-08T09:11:00.003-05:00

Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year!!

It was a very special year for us because it was the year we got married! From our household on this first Christmas to yours, we wish you a very merry holiday season.

Warm wishes, Matt and Donna

Go to SITS and enter your website, you might win something today as SITS wants to start speading the holiday cheer today through SITMAS cards. Happy Holidays!

Emotional Week full of thanks giving

2009-11-27T11:34:00.002-05:00

This week was going to an ordinary week with one day off for the fun and wonderful holiday of feasting. Until Saturday night the news broke that my husband's aunt had died. She had been in the nursing home for almost 5 years now, and been in and out of hospice twice i believe, it was far from unexpected. However, she was a woman who never married and devoted her life to giving. And giving for her mom, her family, and her extended family. I was saddened to hear the news, but matt's moms spoke of it rather with relief that she is free from suffering now. Sunday, Monday and Tuesday came and went and we arrived at the funeral home for the wake on Tuesday night. It was beautiful and everyone in Matt's family was there. And of course we saw her laying thier so peacefully and I couldn't stopped the tears from coming and coming and coming. I honestly didnt expect to cry, It was strange to me, i knew this women for just a couple years and everyone else hear has had 50+ years with this woman. But it made my heart sick because I knew how much they loved her, and how much she cared for her and all the great memories they shared with her. I found the whole experience just heart wrenching.

Matt family is a very unique family. Unique in the way that they are HUGE and UNBELIEVABLY close. And how is it possible that EVERYONE, just EVERYONE is just incredibly nice, and willing to help, and full of nice things to say all-the-time. It's really surreal. The things they do for each other, the love is bursting. When i sat at the funeral it made me sad that i never was around to see her well. The eulogy was amazing, all the nieces and nephews prepared memories of her and j pulled them together beautifully. It was the best eulogy ive ever heart. I laughed, i cried, i laughed, and cried cried cried. It's amazing that you dont have to know a person a life-time to be touched so deeply.

Thanksgiving came, and it ended up being the third thanksgiving for the week. Tuesday night Aunt Mary had everyone over for sandwiches. Wednesday after the funeral there was another feast for the repass. And finally thursday came around and it was just another day of over-indulgence. And although it was the first thanksgiving that the family didn't take turns bringing food over to Aunt Saucy/Sylvia/Sills/ Sauce, we were in away celebrating her life for 3 whole days. The day really gave me a chance to reflect on how thankful i am for all the blessing i have in my life. And my own family. In no particulate order, here is my list for thanksgiving 2009:
- My husband that loves me and stands by me even when i am an emotional basket case
-my friends, who never forget about me
-my Family that really, really loves me. And loves my new husband
-My in-laws who are so welcoming and inviting, loving, caring and amazing
-my dog odie, who is the cutest, sweetest, most patient and loving dog.
-My grandma, who is a rock. And I love her.
-My house, my beautiful, cozy, old house
- A wonderful start to the holiday season, my favorite time of time of the year.

fulfilled

2009-11-09T09:45:00.002-05:00

An incredibly fulfilling weekend, jam packed with lots of guests, lots of friends, and LOTS of eating. Friday night we had dinner guests and played games with some of matt's old friends. Saturday was my friend's birthday so we went out to Andy's Mediterranean to have some Lebanese food and head out to Mt. Adams for continued festivities. I was drinking, and i think it was the first time in a while that i was definitely acting like i had been drinking ;-0.. It was great because lots of good friends were there. Sunday was absolutely PERFECT day, the weather was warm, my house was spic and span, and matt whole family came over for dinner. Lovely, just a lovely weekend.
And the nice part is i have veteran's day off so this is kind of a short week for me!

Next week wont be so enjoyable since i will be on a review team working at the Mound. I hate going on reviews. I feel so insecure and not competent yet. I hope i eventually like doing this project/baseline reviews... or at least "not mind" going on them. But we shall see.

And the best news of all? Matt parents are taking us on another FANTASTIC vacation next year!!! We have to wait a whole year in anticipation, but it will be remarkable!! We are going on a Rhine river cruise for 8 days starting in Amsterdam (Netherlands) making 7 stops in Germany, France and Eventually ending in Basle, Switzerland. I have only been to Amsterdam with matt's family last year and absolutely LOVED it, now we get to go back and have a relaxing cruise to see all these old European towns that i've never seen. We get to tour castles, cathedrals, and enjoy quaint taverns and cafe's along the river Rhine. It's going to be AWESOME!! I CANNOT WAIT!! Im sooo lucky!!!

"Homey"

2009-11-05T08:27:00.003-05:00

Where has the motivation gone to blog? I know i never was an everyday blogger by any means, but it was always something i wanted to do and tried to do at least a few times a week. Now i am lucky to post once a week, then it's once a month, then it's? The blogs i follow have fewer and fewer updates, i dont think it helps to the motivation over here. But alas, here I am searching for something to write about.

This week had been long but good in the fact that i have kept myself very busy. Every day after work i had something going on. Monday matt and I went on the hunt to find curtains (drapes?) for our windows downstairs. Our awesome previous owner took the window treatments that we are now finding out may have been custom made for the windows. The window in the front of the house is extra wide and the length to the floor is 90''. Standard length curtains are 84" and 95". UGH! AND the best part, the window is extra wide so nothing fits both across AND down. I reeeally want to make the house seem homey and do things to do it. Matt doesn't do ANYTHING unless it's motivated by me. Hanging pictures was like pulling teeth. And making the house homey is reeeallly something i need help with. I have no knack for decorating and setting things up or doing cute little things, i really have to be lead or inpired by something in a very structured way. I wish it was cheap to hire someone to do things for the house, but that aint gonna happen.

The rest of the week night were also fun. Tuesday night i went to half priced sushi with seabass, who also gave me a Xavier Basketball ticket to go with her and her grandpa and a few of his friends. It was a blast!! Plus, it was great bonding time with seabass who is one of my best friends. Last night I went to dinner and open mike night with J andA and a few others. Also a great time and I love hanging out with them. Tonight i might try to grab dinner and coffee with my sister-in-law, who knows. We are having our first dinner guests tomorrow night so i am going to cook something. I have NO idea! Plus i need to get some appetizers to eat too. Any good suggestions? Something that is tasty but not too complicated! this whole growing up thing is hard.....

Before I close, here a couple pictures from Halloween. Back to being a kid:

I was Flo from the Progressive Commercials and Matt was Balloon Boy.

My fantastic family

2009-11-02T15:30:00.002-05:00

Two posts in one day, yes, ITS unheard of!! bUT not impossible!! Just like my dad and sister finishing a 26.2! Yes-, they finished the New York City Marathon together on Saturday in 7 hours and 15 minutes! yES, IT'S AMAZING!! My sister has done it before, she has a few marathons under her belt.. and that's pretty impressive. But my dad-- he is no spring chicken. And he has arthritis. And he works ungodly hours. And well, this is just an incredible victory. There are certain times in your life when you switch roles with your parents. And that time is now, when i realize how unbelievably proud i am of him. And this accomplishment and how hard i KNOW this was for him. And a great feeling so be his daughter, and I have a remarkable family!

Congratulations DAD and Dena!! I love you!

My Wedding (finally!)

2009-11-02T09:33:00.034-05:00

It's been over a month since the wedding day and i am JUST now posting a full recap, i am terrible. I have so much to write about the day, but i dont have a days worth of time to write. So here is a briefing with a few pictures I have on my work computer. And yes, they are few because we have approx 1100 pictures professionally taken that day. yes, you looked at that number correctly.

Before I begin, i will probably try to preface this post by saying-- a LOT more has been going on in my life besides the wedding. It seems pitiful that the only posts over the last few months have been about this. Actually, lots of fun things like halloween parties, house decorating, friend get togethers, family fun times, lots of good stuff. BUT first, ill get this wedding stuff up.

FINALLY!!

Honestly the day was complete blur and it went very very quickly. I remember constantly thinking about how things were planned and what was going on around me, and processing, processing, processing. YOu know what it feels like to be over-stimulated? It's that multiplied times 20. It was amazing. I remember a few minor things going wrong, but definitely nothing worth even noting. My bridesmaids were perfect, my family was amazing, matt looked as handsom as ever, everything was SO. MUCH. FUN!!!

Here goes... pictures pictures pictures!!

(In a somewhat mixed up order since I dont know how to upload pictures)

Walking from Hilton to get our hair done

Our Band

Our Cake

WE ARE UD!!!!!

Our theme was "we are lucky!" so we had casino's for our guest tables, and our favors were lottery tickets (with a lucky 2009 penny inside)

Table settings

our favors

The Head Table

OUr huge limo bus

Toasting after we got MARRIED

Bouquet Toss

Matt dove for the garter... literally. He had skinned his hands

the first kiss

walking out as husband and wife

Im laughing because matt messed up his vows ;-)

Walking down the isle

Our flower girl and ring bearer

It's been a while

2009-10-19T11:15:00.003-04:00

So i tried to get to this web page this morning to write a few things but it was blocked. If my work IT folks but a block on this page I have a sad feelings that my updates will be much fewer and farther between (than they already are). I really hope that doesnt happen, I want to write more. It's been a while since i have posted, it mostly because I wanted to write about wedding stuff but it almost feels like I didnt know where to start. Plus, i didnt have a lot of pictures to share. And probably most of all, it felt like the wedding happened and then quickly after we whisked away to Hawaii and had so much to do and see it was like the wedding was a distant event, didnt it really even happen? On top of this, the whole day was so blurry really. I know i remember so many moments, and i piece it all together, it's almost hard to figure out how it all went. What do i say and where do i start?

It sounds so selfish but i got the most out of hearing what people had to tell me about it. Really, because it was a chance for me to step back and see how it really went. And it sounds like all the guest loved it. I suppose they wouldn't tell me they didn't like anything, but i have been hearing a lot of great things from my friends and family. About the food, the big band, the church, my dress, everything really. Apparently it all went off without a hitch. Of course, as the bride, i could tell you a couple things that didnt go as planned, but overall apparently it was great!! And looking at my friend's and family's pictures it really brought a whole bunch a memories about how it really was!! And it was one of the best days! I was so happy and in the pictures I seem to have been just beaming. And my bridesmaids. O my bridesmaids-- they all looked UNBELIEVABLE!!! I think they all looked one of the prettiest ever. I couldn't have been standing next to better people. And they were all rocks for me that morning, and the weeks leading up to it. And always willing to help with anything. And matt was adorable, and loving, and perfect as always. I will get some of my professional pictures in the next few weeks. When i got those I will post and write a full recap.

Life has remained busy now that is it post-wedding. But enjoyable because now there are no deadlines, no stress, we can just enjoy each other. We have slowed our lives, ive wanted to hang some pictures and organize the office some, but we havent really gotten to that stuff since before the wedding. There has, of course, been some administrative stuff surrounding marriage that has occupied us. Changing my name, and the name on all my accounts, insurance, beneficiaries, etc. It's been bearable though. We've been spending lots of time together every evening, especially now that we started watching Lost now too. We went camping with some friends this weekend that was a breath of fresh air. Literally and figuratively. We are catching back up and married life it so good.

There have been a couple interesting occurrences. One specifically last night. When we called Duke Energy to come out to see if we had a gas leak in one of our lines downstairs. Turns out nothing significant downstairs, except our gas stove had a major leak. They turned the gas off to it and it's not usable until the regulator is replaced. Hopefully it's only the regulator. We are going ot get that fixed very soon hopefully. Having the Gas and Electric company come out at 8pm on a Sunday night to sniff around with a detector always makes for an eventful evening. Life is perfect right now though. Ill write more soon hopefully.

IM BACKK!!!!! Quick wedding update but not much else

2009-10-08T08:48:00.008-04:00

Today is my first day back at work from the BEST honeymoon in hawaii and the most beutifully perfect wedding i could have ever asked for!!! Wow, it seems like it happened in a blink of an eye, i barely remember the details and the little things and all the magical moments that seems to pass so quickly. It was truely the best day.

I dont have much time, i already have a huge and pressing deadline today at work, i cant believe it. I just wanted a quiet day to catch up. But here are a few candid snapshots i pulled from facebook this morning of the wedding. Ill post some professional pictures once i get them, i CANNOT wait to see those.

Ill post more details about the wedding and honeymoon soon... until then:

The Final Count Down

2009-09-10T07:45:00.002-04:00

dun duh dun dun.... dun dun dun dun duh dun.....

Matt would appreciate that, he loves that song. I've been wanting to post about the absolute chaos thas is my life right now. WOw. who knew i could be this utterly busy? Thank god for great friends, and awwwesome family, i think i would be crying in a corner right now. The last minute wedding to-do list is the least fun, and MOVING is the LEEEASt LEAST fun! Packing, trying to organize, packing... car load after car load of everything i have accumulated in my apartment to make it 'mine.' Without my stuff there is it no longer my home, and it is the only home I have known while living in in Cincinnati.

It will be a little sad for me to leave-- although I am beyond excited to have a house with my little family in two weeks. However, I would be remise if i didnt mention all the good memories that apartment has given me. All the Christmas trees I have bought and decorated with Matt. The parties I had, movies i watched with my friends, boyfriend-- now fiancee, all the meals ive cooked in that cramped little kitchen... and all the meals i've TRIED to cook. Ill miss running by the river, i wont have the luxury of convenience to take that nice stroll down the RiverWalk anymore, or have tons of restaurants in Newport right across the way. I wont be able to sip free coffee and cookies when i head out the door in the morning, or peruse OLP's movie collection on tiresome Friday nights. And this morning, what I think i might miss more than anything, is the small group of regular shuttle riders in the morning. And Michael, the shuttle driver. Riding that shuttle is something i did every morning for a looong time, a little part of my routine, and I love those 10 minutes every day. Really, i did. Saying goodbye this morning as i said this was my last shuttle was sad for everyone I think. And they all said they would miss me, and it has been a pleasure over the last few years. Michael invited me as his personal guest next year for the fireworks if i decide to come back. What an incredible person he is.

I do feel a little melancholy when i realize this period in my life is ending, but I must say that thought of having a little family in that adorable house on Marburg Avenue beyond fills up my heart with excitement, in fact i am smiling as i write about it. I cant wait to decorate and make that little house my home. And I think about decorating for fall and halloween, and the Christmas Tree and DECORATING FOR CHRISTMAS!! O that thought of that makes me SO UNBELIEVABLY EXCITED!!! I am going to have a lot, LOT of good memories in that house. And I cant wait to start!!

As i pack up the trailor on Saturday, the end of single, downtown living ends and the official transition begins....16 more days until i am MARRIED!!!

PMP I am!

2009-09-03T08:07:00.002-04:00

I PASSED!!!! The test that has consumed my spare time for a VERY long time, I am SO sick that i was thinking about studying when i have a HUGE plate of other and very pressing things going on. including that little thing that is, uhem, MY WEDDING! Which is 23 days away!!!!! I CANNOT believe it! But,
I PASSED!!!!

Last night i went out to dinner and drinks with K, K and J and it was WONDERFUL!! I couldnt have had a better night celebrating, they are great friends:) yummy wine, food, o ya, a free round of wine from the waiter:)

This weekend is certainly going to be busy with my parents in town, meetings with the caterer, seamstress, and a party for the RiverFest. I cant believe I am going to moving out. It hasnt hit me yet. I seriously need to start packing. And the wedding to-do list.... aaaaah!

Lots going on, BUT I AM SO RELIEVED AND HAPPY that test is O-V-E-R!! I love fall, I love September. I AM GETTING MARRIED THIS MONTH!!!!!

Busy life as a Bachelorette

2009-08-26T07:50:00.012-04:00

I have been struggling to find time to write about whats going on in my life. Mostly because I have been so busy with what's going on in my life I cant really sort out and prioritize what I should be doing first no less think about how I can write about it. Aside from my head being crazy full, today is the first day I woke up for work and not felt like i got run over by a bus. And i mean that in probably as literal as possible since I have been a COMPLETE WASTE both at work and out of work. UNBELIEVABLY TIRED and lacking motivation, and also lacking the ability to formulate complete sentences. Honestly, i thought i should go to the doctor to get tested for mono because I dont ever remember feeling so lethargic and exhausted-- and for such a prolonged period. Yes, prolonged.... a whopping 3 days. Big whoop, right?

I have to thank my loving friends for throwing me an AWESOME bachelorette party this weekend in which i stayed up later than i ever have in the past 2-3 years. UP late and I dont sleep in much anymore... leaving me one tired and off balanced girl. Friday night I didnt go to bed until after 3am since my sister's flight was cancelled and she was routed to Louiville at midnight. I work up around 9:30 on Saturday morning and on Saturday night i went to bed after 4am. Yes, 4am!

Get out of denial, Donna, You-are-not-in-college-anymore.

But gosh was it neat to have ALL my best girlfriends in ONE room. We rented a SAWEET hotel room at the hyatt and E, C and D all got stuff ready to have chocolate, wine and cheese. E, C, and D were like little angels, they helped SO much. In fact, they blew me away by how much time and $$ they spent on this night. I am almost feeling bad about it since they just went ABOVE and BEYOND what I could have ever asked them to do. It was extra special to be able to spend extra time with them this weekend, we rarely all get to see each other. We are all sisters who have an unbelievably strong bond. I just love them.

The night in general was just awesome, it was awesome to have so many great people with me. In fact, i kept thinking that night that this will probably be the last time that this exact group of girls will all be together in one room like this. We went out to a really fun dinner, J brought a yummy cake to eat after dinner back at the hotel, and then we all hit the bars. We stayed up really late. And after we got back and all went to bed, P and I chatted together for another hour at least. It was one of the chats that dont get to happen very often because rarely do we have uninterrupted time together just the two of us. It was a great night. A night i will remember for a long looong time.

All of Sunday i felt totally out of it and a complete waste, and my work week has been odd since i cant seem to get my head in the game. Plus, i need to be studying some more this week for the PMP certification test i take a week from today. SO much going on. And i feel like i have stuff going on after work so many nights. O ya, and i have to start packing up my apartment soon. O my so much to do.

But life is hella good right now.

Here a some highlights from the rockin night on Saturday.

A picture i love my sister snapped-- all of the girls walking to dinner

Everyone in the hotel room

Dinner at Blackfinn

100th Post

2009-08-13T08:02:00.003-04:00

wow. That sure seems like a big number. I have been expecting this number and have been brewing over something good to write about for this very anti-climatic milestone. What is worthy in a 100th post? Maybe i should take this time, now 100 posts in, to think about what direction i want to take this little blog-o-mine. What do I really want to consider it? It really has no sense of cogency, it has no theme, no direction, and really- i am not that good of a writer either. What is the point?

The more the entries add up am i really going to look back through them and read what i thought on some specific day. Even my 'deepest' thoughts are still rather shallow and normally fleeting. I dont think I necessarily have any lessons to share with the world, and there is a very very small percentage of that world that would stumble on this web page anyway. I have done very little publicizing of it, perhaps subconsciously i would rather keep it diary-esque? I really have no idea. What is the point.

Perhaps these thoughts about this little blog-o-mine are symbolic of this greater feeling about my life in general. At this very not-so-ripe age of 26 what have i really done? Sometimes the greatest story tellers are those that have gone through hardships or have lived a reeeally, really long life before them and have something to share. I cant quite relate. And I really don't think someone needs to experience something grand and great, or heart wrentching and disastrous, to have something so say to world. OR let me rephrase that, to have something to say that has any value or meaning.

When I was in college i lead a retreat with a team of 20 other wonderful people. The name of it was Metanoia which means "change of heart." It was great to be a participant, but even better leading it because you got to experience and see the feeling the other participants had during their journey. It was so rewarding to be a part of. One of lessons i took away from it was the idea that everyone has a story. It's always been so easy to judge people, or write people off, or forget somone, or something relational when everyone has a story. 'This person is quiet and shy for a reason, they shouldn't be forgotten. Or this person may seem all bubbly and nice but actually are heartbreaking inside because of something that has happened to them personally.' The scenarios like this are endless. Everyone has a story and it is our job as people of community to learn about each person and learn their story. You, too, have something to teach someone. And often you dont even realize it.

This is a great take-away and too often i forget this lesson. More often than not i am looking for a another Metanoia of my own. Especially right now when I feel overwhelmed with my job, wedding planning, trying to get out of a gym membership, o the endless to-do list.... I need a change of heart. It's like I am searching for something to give outwardly which i think will in turn help me inwardly. As i well know about myself, what others feel and think about me is very effective on my mood. I know this because when i am around certain wonderful friends I come home feeling like the top of the world and how happy and included and loved and comfortable i am. And other times, like last night with other sets of friends, i feel a little drained and over worked. It's a strange feeling that I dont feel like dissecting right now. But at the very core is ME. I am the one stagnant variable. I am the control. And i am IN CONTROL.

As i go my way of life I am going to learn that i don't need a Metanoia to necessarily cope better with overwhelming situations. Who and what I am is something that I need to love inside and out from INSIDE myself. And in the very special and unique time in my life right before i get married, i need to step back and enjoy it. And NOT get overcome by the minutia of it all. This time in my life is short lived and must be enjoyed.

The book I am reading right now the author talks about the calm inside yourself. And to think of the world like a spinning wheel. It's chaotic on the outside, things are changing and happening to you every minute every day that can consume your thoughts. The outside is spinning very fast while the center is slow and barely turning. And in that center is ME. My heart. ANd to take solace in my heart when life is chaotic. I accept those thoughts that make me sad or happy or stressed or disgruntled, accept them and move on.

I have to end on an up note, since i dont want to re-read this post in the future and think I am in a bad place right now. I am not, in fact i know i am in one of the best places right now. And physically whatever place i stand doesnt matter because this happy place in within. Because my heart is full of love, I have a lot of love around me to keep pouring into it, and I am just beginning this journey in my life that will only get better. I haven't even seen the half of it.... and I am buckled in for the best ride of my life.

Day by Day

2009-08-10T08:03:00.002-04:00

I know I have said this like a thousand times over the past few months, by MY GOD I AM SO BUSY!!! I cant seem to catch my breath. It's like every week night i have 2-4 things going on and have a long list of to-do's, and no time for any of them. On top of busy, BUSY weekends. I suppose i shouldnt be complaining, really all things going on a good things the involve my friends, wedding planning, family, etc. But I am having a hard time catching my breath. It's like i just need time to slow down so i can pick my feet back up and re-start my pace.

This past week Ive been busy but really happy about what i've been getting into. Lets start with thursday afternoon. I decided to take the day off work and meet my mom in Columbus to get some wedding stuff done, to get away, and to spend a little time with her. Of course, we got NOTHING accomplished, but it was so so nice being able to spend the time with her. That night matt and I took Art B. over to the levee... for the first time! Let me tell you about this old man named Art. He has lived in my building for about 3 years, he is always by himself, he is in a wheel chair, he is always sitting in the lobby waiting to spark a conversation with someone, did i mention he is always by himself? Well, he is actually married but apparently she doesnt spend ANY time with him. This mans looks at Newport across the river EVERY DAY from his apartment and has never been the 1/2 mile over there. UNBELIEVABLE! This poor man, he is clearly lonely. So in a little off-the-cuff conversation i had i told him i would take him to the levee one of these days. And that day happened to be last Thursday. Which we also would find out that it was the day before his 72nd birthday. Anotehr birthday in which he had NO PLANS. He couldnt even rememeber the last present he got from his wife, he couldnt remember the last time he had such a nice time. It really just broke my heart. We decided to take him to a nice dinner at Brio and treat him for his birthday. He wanted to pay but it was clear he has NO money to spend. Perhaps his wife controls all thier money. This was made even clearer when we went in a little shop to waste time and he wanted to buy a little momento or something. He looked and looked and the only thing that he ended up buying was a drink stirrer for .79 cents. ONE stirrer. As he was going back up to his apartment he said how it was one of the nicests evenings he has had in a long, long time..... I am so glad we did that.

Friday night Matt and I went over his friend's B and A to have dinner. They are such a nice couple and truly good friends of Matt's. They cooked up a delighful dinner and then we went over to A's parents house to pick out our wedding present. Her dad is going to custom make us a stained glass piece. What a cool present, isnt it?! It will definitely be something we will have for a very, VERY long time. Afterwards we went back to thier house and player cranium until one in the morning just laughting and laughing and it was SUCH a wonderful night.

Saturday we got up early and made a trip to kroger and up to DAyton to go canoeing the entire day and then have a cookout at D's house. ALL day in the hot sun and didnt get burned bur ENTIRELY bruised-up instead. It was a lot of fun, and the cookout was always fun, and ALWAYS hanging out with that group of friends is delightfully refreshing. No drama, we all get along so well, we are so close to each other, and it always just makes me feel so good that I really do have such wonderful friends in this world. These past two nights were just soooooo nice. And since i havent seen some of them in a few weeks they didnt forget my birtday and gave me some presents. I-was-so-touched. Gosh. I just love them!

Yesterday Matt and I went out to lunch at Habeneros and then to his parents house so we could all leave together for a funeral. Which was chaotic, but i helped Matt's mom with the rehearsal dinner invites-- which are so beautiful-- and then went out to dinner. It was a little chaotic. But it ended the weekend on a high note.

This week i have so much to do.And next week is going to be worse. I am taking a PMP bootcamp class and then eventually i have to take the certification test. O my god does that stress me out. The thought of studying and being stressed to take a test... a test that if i fail it will be public, and if i have to re-take it i will have to pay the 2000 or 1500 dollars that is costs. Oy.

Day by day is my mantra, i need to get through today first. I need to slow down and take deep breaths. When i look back on this time i will have no idea what it is that is worrying me or keeping me up at night. It all really doesnt matter that much in the end. I am working on this. Slowely i am working on quieting my mind and taking each day as it comes.

Until i write again....

Flooring it in neautral

2009-08-03T08:41:00.003-04:00

I am flooring it in neutral, that is what Matt said to me last night as I was wading through a flurry of stress that had consumed me yesterday. That I stayed up late worrying about all the things i need to do, yet I did none of them this weekend. So many things but i feel like I am stalling, because i cant seem to make up my mind about anything. Anything! Which is why i cant get anything done.

I think i was born without that 'wedding planning' gene that all women seem to talk about. My friends who have gotten married before me all seem to say how much they enjoyed the process; I-for one- CANNOT wait until the day gets here just i can stop thinking about all the stuff i have to do! In fact, i think i said multiple MULTIPLE times this weekend how much i hate wedding planning. Maybe after the day has come and gone i will think back on the experience and forget the negative feelings and remember only the fun things. But right now, I am just wishing it to be over. All i really want is to be married to matt. I am not enjoying all the logistic planning and constant talking about all the little things. And it's those little things that are making me crazy right now. Like, what do i we do about the parking situation. What about the dates of the wedding party, what should they do about parking? And then what about cleaning up the church, and then setting up the church. O wait, and then what if i messed up the flowers order and the flower girl doesn't have her flowers. OR what if they wrote the wedding was at 6pm and they dont come? OR what if our GIANT cake falls over!?! hold on, what if the cake table doesnt have an outlet for the fountain. nooow, wedding part gifts.... what the heck am i going to get you all!?! And matt's gifts? What should i do with my hair? What if it looks ugly by ther reception? Do i wear it down? What about my head piece... i dont want to order it online. And our wedding bands, i dont want to order those online either. When am i going to find time to design and print programs? Joe and Jenn's programs were so pretty and nice, our's will never look that nice because I AM SICK OF SPENDING MONEY!!

And i have a thing about asking for help.

Not that i am afraid, i am just not that organized.

uuuugh. Wade through the paragraph above and most of it can be deleted i am sure. But it's just a snippet of the madness that goes through my mind. I seriously think i am neurotic. And then when people ask me about the wedding, i like to down play it because i dont want to appear that neurotic. I just dont feel like reliving what is going on in my head. So usually when people ask me how it's going i always say.." i am not doing much...". Which is the truth. Except in my crazy head.

I did, however, pick up my wedding dress this weekend and paid for it all. I went by myself and tried it on and it is BEAUTIFUL. I really love it. I also picked out these totally adorable white satin pumps. They give me a little lift too, so i am not that much shorter than matt for pictures. The rest of the weekend was spent pretty much flying by the seat of our pants. We had no real plans, and honestly-- i wouldnt have wanted it any other way. Friday night we went out to dinner with matts brothers, Jennifer and jake. And pretty much hung out with them the entire night. Saturday we ran errands together, went out to lunch, and ran and went swimming. We also went to this hole-in-the-wall pizza place for dinenr around 9pm and it was really fun. Saturday was just a really great day. Sunday was slower, i didn't do much. But I am back to Monday and already planning out the entire week.

There is an old man in a wheel chair who is always in the lobby of my apartment. I think he is lonely, his wife always seems to leave him behind. I dont think i have ever seen his wife. He seems kind of locked up in the building, he's not very mobile and always wants to spark a conversation. A few weeks back he told me that he has never been to the levee-- which is RIGHT ACROSS THE Bridge from our building. Literally, i am there all the time. It's hard to believe. So Matt and I are taking him over there for dinner on Thursday. Poor old man, hopefully he has a good time with us.

Next weekend should be busy. Plans almost every night. I am ready to be done with the week already!

For now, ill leave with this: